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05/08/2013 at 11:30
Sorry - yet another needy post from me.
I am really struggling with P (and G) at the moment.
P cries a lot. Most of it is because we have absolutely no routine. P just doesnt sleep during the day. She is 3 months now and on a typical day we get up at 8am, G (who is 4) goes to bed at 7.30 with no trouble at all and P comes to bed with us around 10pm and during the day she will sleep for a total of 1 hour!!! She is knackered, i am knackered and all i do is shout at G.
G is becoming more naughty as a result and so the cycle continues. We just cant carry on like this.
So i am trying to implement a new routine where P actually goes down for 3 naps a day. As soon as she shows the first signs of being tired i take her up to her crib, make the room dark and put the slumber buddy on. We have a cuddle and i put her in the crib calm but she shuffles about and fusses and then eventually cries and cries. How do i get her to sleep?! She just wont give in and i am so stressed out. We have the same palava every night and i dread bedtime. I woke up crying this morning just because i cant bear the thought of another day. P is in the crib as we speak crying but she is so tired. I go in and calm her down but as soon as i lay her down she is off again. I hate admitting thus but i then start to feel angry and have to leave the room.
Today we got up at 8 am i am not even dressed yet because i just cant be bothered. G is downstairs watching tv and P is in the crib crying. I have nothing left to give and feel so sad/lonely/desperate. I feel like i cant do this anymore.
P is our last child and i so wanted to enjoy these newborn days but i dont - i hate them at the moment.
G is being naughty because all i do is tell her off. She starts school in Sept and ivwanted the 6 week hols to be fun but instead i cant wait till she goes to school.
I am so miserable.
05/08/2013 at 11:43
Will P sleep on you/in a sling or even in the pram if you go for a walk? Or the car seat? Take G to drive through mcdonalds or something if it gets the baby to sleep!
Also, have you tried getting her to sleep before she's tired? I think it's about 2 hours for little babies to be awake? Perhaps try after 1h30? Is there anyone that can perhaps take G out for a nice day so you can have a day with the baby without any stresses? 3m is v young for a routine.
05/08/2013 at 11:54
Yes do try putting her down before she shows signs of tiredness. I used to put Isla down exactly 2 hours after she last woke, right up til she was 7 months then her naps got longer so she dropped to two a day. It sounds like you're a person that likes routine although I imagine it can be hard started one with a newborn when you have a pre schooler. Stick with it though. You'll get there. Does the slumber bear have music? I'm not really sure what one is. Another thing that helped Isla to sleep was the Hoover. This worked well when she was overtired. xx
05/08/2013 at 11:59
I use the word routine very loosely. All i mean is putting P down to sleep before she gets crabby but she just wont sleep without an hour or more of hysterical crying. Its exhausting. She wont even sleep in the car. I put her down to sleep at the first yawn or rubbing of the eyes. She goes down calm but then gets more and more worked up. I only have H to take G but he works in London full time.
I hate feeling this way. When P is crying and crying i feel like i wish we had stopped at one child (which then makes me cry even more because of course i love her and would never want my life without her) as this isnt fair on G. She gets absolutely none of my time and when i am not trying to get P to stop crying i am crying myself. I feel physically exhausted like i have no energy left. P is now asleep in the bouncy chair downstairs white as a sheet from all the crying that no amount of cuddling, rocking and reassurance from me would stop.
I was so confident with G but with P i feel useless and dont have a clue what she wants most of the tune.
05/08/2013 at 12:20
Oh have a huge hug from me, you sound absolutely exhausted. It must be very difficult.
I too have a baby who won't sleep by himself. I don't have a toddler to deal with though! I feed him to sleep lying down in our bed and then leave him there. It means he sleeps and I can get on with things. If I try and put him down awake he would scream and scream. I've also tried walking around and he will fall asleep in my arms but he wakes the second I lean over to put him down in his cot. I think some babies just don't know how to self-settle and I don't think it's a skill you can teach them other than leaving them to cry which personally is not something I am comfortable with.
Anyway all I can say is that the feeding to sleep lying down works for us. I then just take my boob out of his mouth and go away! According to The No-Cry Sleep Solution, if you sort the daytime naps then nighttime becomes easier, I think this has been true for us although it coincided with starting cosleeping so could be that too.
At first he would only sleep for about 10 minutes by himself (previously he slept on me) but now he sleeps by himself for up to an hour and a quarter which I am really pleased with.
Does P sleep in the pram? If so could you put her in there and take G for a walk?
05/08/2013 at 12:25
Sorry to hear you are feeling like this. Unfortunately I have no advice but just wanted to say don't feel bad for feeling the way you do. An inconsolable baby can be extremely frustration (and I don't have a 4 year old to deal with as well)
05/08/2013 at 13:12
Oh poor you MM. I'm not sure I have anything constructive to offer, but just wanted you to know I sympathise. Miss CV never just 'went down' for naps - it was hard work every day ensuring she got enough sleep, but as you say, it's even tougher when you have another child you dont want to neglect.
LKuckily for us, Miss CV would sleep on me or in the car - so if I wasnt just sitting on the sofa, I would drive around even when I had nowhere to go, or sometimes come back and sit on my front doorstep just watching her while she slept on in the car in the drive.
Is there nothing you have noticed that works? Can you get her over on you? In the pram (didnt really work for us)? In a bouncy chair?
05/08/2013 at 13:13
Will she fall asleep in a moving pram? This worked with L when small (at 3.5 yr he's never had a daytime nap in the crib/cot/bed) I'd walk and let A collect stones, leaves or whatever other rubbish she picked up. L would eventually fall asleep so I'd leave him in the pram outside while A and I played for a bit x
05/08/2013 at 13:16
I also found having him outside in the pram kept him asleep longer.
05/08/2013 at 13:17
Sorry things are tough. Sounds like she is completely over tired which is horrid because she just needs to switch herself off. I guess though you've got the remainder of the school hols to sort out a new routine as once G is at school you'll have to fit round that. Might sound a bit premature but would it be worth starting to get yourselves in synch with that new routine timewise?
Re sleeping in the cot in the day, my eldest sounds exactly like P - fought and fought sleep. Could have throttled her at times - I often just had to leave the room because I was so cross. I was desperate for a routine with her as she was just unbearable by three months. It was at that stage I cracked open the Gina Ford book to give us an indicative idea as to timings and we went from there. I didn't do the whole every sleep has to be in a darked room thing as that would have been limiting. Figured that as long as she was asleep it didn't matter if it was in the buggy, sling or the car seat. Once we had a vague pattern of sleep times going on I then got her used to doing the same nap times in her cot. Some days she was still terrible and I'd end up shoving her in the pram and walking just to get her to sleep. She is the same as a three year old - lots of urm "spirit"!!
Hang on in there - sounds like you are doing everything right and stick to your guns. We always found that it look between 3-5 days to change anything about therir routine and then things became easier. Perhaps at the weekend get your H to do a few put downs for sleep time to give you a break from it. Good luck.
05/08/2013 at 13:19
I really feel for you MM, no wonder you're exhausted. Could your H take G for the day on a Saturday or a Sunday? Or take P on a 2-hour walk somewhere to give you time alone with G? I would suggest a sling too - the close carrier or something like it is brilliant (and easy to use) - the baby is so snuggled in and secure, so you're hands-free. Maybe start with putting P in a sling/walks in the pram after she's been awake for 1 1/2 - 2 hours and after she gets used to napping you can try again with putting her down tired?
Big hugs to you, please please don't be hard on yourself. xx
05/08/2013 at 13:34
When M is being like this (such as today) I will strap on the sling or get out with the pram as both will usually induce some sleep. You have my sympathies, I am finding the school holidays pretty tough and I can't wait until the 2 big ones are off to school! X
05/08/2013 at 13:55
She will sometimes sleep in the bouncy chair if rocked or the pram/sling although its raining today. I am really keen to not rock or bf her to sleep which is what i have been doing (its this i am trying to change) so she can settle better at night. I think perhaps though just whilst i feel this low i might just have to get her to sleep any way i can just to stay sane
05/08/2013 at 13:59
She's 3m, she barely knows she's not part of you still. I'd go with whatever comforts her for now, be it rocking, slinging, walking around and worry about that later. You're not going to be still rocking her to sleep when she's 16!
05/08/2013 at 14:24
Sorry mm, you sound so sad and I feel for you :(
I really think though you are putting too much pressure on both you and P wrt settling. S never ever gets himself to sleep, bar nodding off in the car and the very odd time in his bouncer. He was also a bad day sleeper and I have started getting him to nap every two hours which is working great for him. However I do this by any means necessary, usually feeding or rocking - extractor fan, singing, whatever but he just isn't able to get himself to sleep yet, they are still so young and I know some babies can - perhaps G did? But I think they are in the minority. I so wouldn't worry about rocking etc. Poor thing sounds so over tired and the main thing is sleep, not putting herself to sleep - you can tackle that once she's having regular naps and happier in herself, this is probably the worst time to expect her to SS IMHO.
I know it must be so, so hard with G too, but if P falls asleep on you for even one nap a day, that could be your relax with G time with a film or something and give you a rest too. Or just get her to sleep and then put her in her crib or bouncer when she's properly off. Do you have any sure starts near you? Most do a play session every day that you could maybe take G too and again if P naps in pram or sling, you are killing two birds with one stone so to speak.
I can't imagine how tough it is ATM, I don't think I could enjoy the early days if we have another! You must feel split in half but it will get better and there will be plenty to enjoy in the future so don't beat yourself up about not being full of joy right now, just focus on trying to get through it x
05/08/2013 at 14:44
Does she feed to sleep? Have you tried a dummy?
05/08/2013 at 15:07
MM, I'd let her feed to sleep if that comforts her and if she has to sleep on you or in a sling then so be it. It is still early days, routines take a long time (at 7 months we have only just got there!) It is so hard and I completely understand the shouting at your oldest because of tiredness- I did that so much at the beginning too.
It does get better, don't force her into a routine or into sleeping in her crib yet as she is still so tiny. She just needs her mummies comfort. Is your H helping out when he can? Have you had a break from being mummy since P came along- even just a couple of hours away. Do you do anything with G on your own (Friday mornings are always for me and one of the little ones, we alternate each week and E in particular loves this time we spend together).
It is really hard, somedays I want to throw myself over the balcony xxxx
05/08/2013 at 16:49
MM- what everyone else says. I can imagine it would be lovely if you had one of those babies that just nods off when they're put down in their cot - I had actually hoped / assumed that baby no 2 will do this as maybe Miss CV's unwillingness to do that was my 'fault' and I'd be easier going / too busy to constantly settle no 2, but your post has been a real wake up call to me! It sounds like you've really tried and at this point in time, she's not that type of baby - so just do whatever you have to to get through the day - feed, drive, rock, dummy, pram, whatever, and forget worrying about bad habits. It'll at least break the cycle of over-tiredness for her and give you a bit of a break (emotionally, if not physically!). Then, when you're feeling better and everyone has had a break, you can try again if you'd like to.
05/08/2013 at 16:55
Big hugs, I find it tough with one so can only imagine how 2 feels! I honestly wouldn't worry about self settling just yet, I stressed myself out massively but at about 15-16 weeks he wouldn't feed to sleep so I just lay him down and he sucked his fingers and surprised me by falling asleep! He does it loads now, mainly at night. Day time is another matter and although he's getting better he doesn't nap well. The only way I guarantee sleep is the sling, he falls asleep instantly 9/10. I too have had to walk away in frustration and let him scream...I know CC wouldn't work from these brief screaming incidents! He's an awfully bad night sleeper too, a good night is 3-4 hours to start then hourly afterwards and I think lack of sleep is a killer :-( Keep going, you're doing an amazing job! x
05/08/2013 at 17:27
The other thing no one has mentioned but just in case anyone is reading this and unawre, the SIDS guidelines are that the baby should be in with you for all sleeps, including naps.
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