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03/01/2014 at 21:35
Bit of a ramble but please bear with me.
New baby due in August when A will be 19 months. He is almost a year old now, currently cosleeps with me and we want to get him in his own room in advance of the new baby coming, with H attending to any wake-ups in the night (I don't mind doing one feed, usually he feeds around 4am). We do have a cot but I'm thinking it might be pointless to battle him into there and then put him into a toddler bed anyway when new baby needs a cot (aiming to avoid cosleeping for too long this time round).
A is starting nursery soon as I will be back at work end of Jan, and we don't want to do anything then as it'll be a confusing time for him anyway plus he's likely to get sick.
SO, our plan is to get a toddler bed, and H to take a week off work and tackle this. Probably in March, as he should be settled in nursery then and H can use his annual leave up before the new tax year.
A will be 14 months, is this too young for a toddler bed? We have a bed guard currently in use on our bed which we could put onto his bed. He's not walking yet, but he can crawl and climb stairs.
We are rather clueless about this age, don't know anyone with young children and would appreciate advice from more experienced parents! We generally go for a fairly 'gentle' approach and H thinks he'll try picking him up straightaway when he cries in the night (as we're sure he will as he's never slept all the way through) and then putting him down when he's calmed, then repeat until he sleeps. Good/bad idea? Don't want to do controlled crying/CIO. A has never responded well to any of the 'gentle' sleep training techniques and so I've been letting him cry in my bed, with me right there cuddling him, to cut down his night 'feeds' (aka few sucks but won't let my nipple go) which has worked fairly well.
03/01/2014 at 23:02
Personally, i do think 14 months is too young for a bed, unless it is against a wall with a virtually full length bed guard. S is currently 14 months and I can't foresee her being out of the cot for some considerable time as she won't understand that she's not meant to get out. At least if you start the transition into a cot, even if he isn't too happy he can't get out and hurt himself. What we did to get S into the cot was to go to her pretty much as soon as she cried, but instead of picking her up we'd lie her down and calm her by stroking her face, putting a hand on her chest etc, generally reassuring her that we were there and staying until she went back to sleep. It did take some time and patience to start with, but H insisted that she wasn't to be picked up or brought into our bed, so this was my happy medium, and it worked. I'd also consider doing it sooner rather than later as it could take a while until he'll sleep through without you comforting him. It may also help if he has a comforter that smells of you and something you can use to indicate it is time to sleep. I.e mine both have a toy that plays gentle music which is switched on when they go to bed and C will switch it on herself if she wakes in the night to help herself get back to sleep.
03/01/2014 at 23:14
I can't imagine putting such a young baby into a bed but I know plenty of people do so it's not uncommon. My eldest was 23 months and we moved him because he climbed out of his cot. My middle son was 2yrs 10mths, I only moved him because I felt i should lol. I will be leaving my youngest as long as I possibly can too. R only started sleeping through at 18-19 months and still doesn't self settle now at 23 months - we're working on this now and I can't imagine trying to get him to stay in a bed as well lol.
I'd honestly think about putting him in a cot and then buying a second cot for the new baby if you need to (Ikea £35 job or 2nd hand if only for a short time).
04/01/2014 at 06:49
04/01/2014 at 11:30
See he sleeps in a bed now (my double) with a guard and doesn't get out, we put him down at 8pm and he often wakes before we get to bed and will sit in the middle and cry, so that's why we were thinking of a bed. A toddler bed would be lower than my bed too.
We've tried calming him by patting, shushing and stroking, but he won't calm down until he gets what he wants, it's not about reassurance that we're there. In fact in that mood everything just makes him more angry until he is rocked or fed. So I think H will have to rock him to calm him and then put him down, which is harder in a cot.
I just wish there was a way to make the cot side very low and then silently put it back up once he's asleep! It does have a drop side but the cot's on the lowest setting so it feels like bugger all difference really.
04/01/2014 at 12:03
I do feel its a bit young, but we're going to have to join you shortly I'm afraid as E is climbing the cot and it's so unsafe. Does A sleep in your bed without you there? Given he's already used to sleeping without huge bars containing him, I personally wouldn't introduce to hem have to lose them iyswim. One thing I would say though, it'd be much easier before he could walk? E is going to be so tricky in that respect as she will just get down!
As you know we're simular approach wise and we've done pretty much what you describe with your H. We do bedtime rituals, put down, say goodnight and that we love her, and leave to settle. Probably 7/10 times she settles alone. 2/10 times she'll cry so we go back and cuddle, calm, put back down and stroke before walking away but returning the second she cries, if after three attempts she cries we'll cuddle to sleep and transfer probably 1/10 times. What I do find with E though is, on the nights I've cuddled she'll wake more and need cuddles to resettle but I'm fine with that and at least I know at bedtime what's going on. Spoke to our anti CIO hv who recommended the above (gradual retreat) asashe says if they go to sleep in the cot they expect to wake there. If they are being held to sleep and wake they think... erm, where's mom? So we sort of bear that in mind but at the same time, do what works iyswim.
04/01/2014 at 13:32
Have you actually tried him in the cot? I'm being very blunt here but you've got him into the habit of sleeping in your bed by putting him to sleep there before you even come up, therefore he considers it his bed and if I was him i wouldn't be happy to be taken out of a large bed, that i know my parents will come to bed in, to being put in a tiny bed where no-one will join me. Therefore, i don't think it will make any difference if you put him in a cot or bed, apart from him being able to get out. S used to create and get progressively angry until she got what she wanted - feeding or being picked up, but H persevered with it and she eventually realised that she wouldn't be getting out and with him consistently lying her down, stroking etc. she got the idea. It took literally hours to begin with, but she sleeps through quite happily now and has done for a while. She wasn't upset because there was something wrong, just angry that she preferred the big bed to hers and was expected to stay there. We never left her to cry it out alone and would ensure she was asleep before we left. If you're fine to continue co-sleeping, then great, but as you've said that you need him in his own bed or room then you really need to try to break the cycle and i'd do it asap rather than leave it any longer as you'll just make it harder as he'll be older, walking, baby close to being born. It coincided that my eldest moved into her own room as i returned to work and there was no problem. She's always been the better sleeper of the two. It will also help if he can forget sleeping with you before baby is born as he'll be very jealous if baby is allowed to sleep in your bed and he isn't. Obviously the only way you'll find out is to give it a go - you may be surprised.
04/01/2014 at 15:07
My eldest was in the bed version of the cot bed from just 13 months. He was an awful awful sleeper and the hv suggested it incase it was the cot he didn't like. That's by the by though. He was only about a foot from the floor. He never once fell out but I kept a folded quilt on the floor for months just incase. He had a stair gate on his door but would always just stay where he was and shout if he wanted us. S has also been in a bed, one if those car beds with slightly raised sides since about 17 months. He hasn't fallen out but does move around it a bit. He stays in the bed and shouts most of the time biit sometimes does now at 2yrs old venture out but the noise of the stair gate on his door wakes me instantly. Is there space where you can put the bed up and try it out? In his room, covered in fun covers and alsorts to entice him worked each time with mine.
S was always rocked to sleep and transferred into his cot. The first night in his bed we made it clear he lay down with me sat on the floor next to him. We luckily never had a problem. It was almost for us a case of change it all at once and break the old routine and luckily it worked.
04/01/2014 at 15:39
Mine had to go into a cotbed from 12/13 months because of climbing out of a cot. U then ended up on a single mattress on the floor from about 14/15 months because of her thrashing abotu in bed and banging against the sides. Children screaming will have to investigate will finish later!
04/01/2014 at 21:20
C was 17.5 months when O arrived. The plan was to keep C in the cotbed (with bars still on) and O in the crib. C stayed in the cotbed no problem. O didn't sleep anywhere other than co sleeping with s until he was nearly a year. I wouldn't have wanted to put C in a bed any earlier. We moved him to one when he was about 2 years and 3 months. At this point I moved O into the cotbed. He settled into it really well. He is now nearly 23 months and I have no net tin of moving him out of the cotbed yet. We have another addition arriving March/April and hope this one will settle in the crib!
04/01/2014 at 22:06
My eldest 2 were in a toddler bed at 15 months. They never tried to get out and slept brilliantly in it
04/01/2014 at 23:32
Thanks everyone, lots of food for thought here. It obviously *can* be done, as others have done it, but we will have a think about whether to go for toddler bed (against a wall with a bed guard) or just use the cot and new baby can have the Moses basket or a new cot. I'm just not that concerned about him getting out TBH, he doesn't try it now even when he's alone in a bed, and his room is babyproofed and we would leave the monitor on and investigate any sound.
LWO I've shown H your post (as it'll be him doing the resettling) and he thinks that does sound like a good plan... A is also crying out of anger/frustration rather than that there's something wrong, so I guess it's important to remember that!
04/01/2014 at 23:34
Oh our other option is to get rid of the bedframe in our room, put the mattress on the floor and add another single mattress to make one giant bed for us all, new baby against the wall, then me, then A, then my H. But we're not sure if that's just *too* hippie for us!
05/01/2014 at 18:39
Good luck! After having one child who self settled and slept through within weeks, it was a massive shock to have one who wouldn't. H has more patience than me (and is more stubborn) so he stuck it out. It was also noticeable that S would create more if i went in as she knew I'd give in and pick her up, whereas H wouldn't, so it confirmed that she was just being a monkey! X
05/01/2014 at 21:11
I'm crossing my fingers that having already had one monkey, the next will be calm and cool! We can dream!
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