Pregnancy & Birth Clubs <
25/03/2013 at 18:46
Just following on from the other thread about age, I was just interested in people's opinions really on what age they thought was too old to have a baby.
Personally I think it varies depending on the individual, health, circumstances etc. although I don't agree on those women that get Ivf in their 60's. I think that's selfish on the child and also they must be mad to want to run around after a toddler!!
at what age would you not want a child after?
i wouldn't want any after 35- but not because that is in any way old but because I've had #1 at 28, #2 will arrive when I am 30, we want 3 , so I'd like the third when I am 33 maybe.
If I had not met H when I did and had met him later I would have still been happy starting my family later than that. I feel extremely fortunate as I always wanted to be a youngish mum and to have a baby by the time I was 30.
25/03/2013 at 19:03
Now that I've had one (at 24), I don't want more after about 27/28 or so. We only want two, don't want a big age gap and if I'm going to spend my twenties and thirties raising little ones then the 'payback' so to speak would be having time in my forties and fifties to maybe pursue my career a bit more, be selfish and for us to spend our money on ourselves and potentially on grandkids.
25/03/2013 at 19:25
I always said that i would have liked both of my children by the time i am 27/28.
Now realising you don't know what the future holds and that life never goes the way you want or think it will go, i am 25 and struggling to have one and will be glad to have a baby whenever my time is right.
I think if i got to 35 without any luck, i'd start looking down a different route so i'd say maybe 37ish would be my latest.
My idea was to be able to have my children younger so that by the time i am in my 50s i will be working back full time, mortgage will be paid and will be able go on some nice holidays etc, and hopefully after that enjoy time with my Grandchildren. But i am now fully aware that things will happen when they happen and you just cant predict the future
25/03/2013 at 19:35
For me, I wanted to be done by 30. I'm selfish, I freely admit that. I don't want to spend the rest of my life bringing kids up. By the time i'm 40, my kids will be old enough to pretty much please themselves. My Mum had finished having kids by 25 (same as me), and by her early 40's, we had all moved out, so she got her life back.
I went to school with a girl whose Mum was 47 when she had her. She HATED having an older Mum, so i'd say 50, tops for having a baby.
25/03/2013 at 19:41
For me I don't think I would want to have children after 35- I was 27 when I had J and don't want a huge age gap, I'm also thinking this means when in mid 50s they will be semi independent so H can I can enjoy just us time.
Personalky I think 45 is the cut off point for kids- I think from this age onwards there is a potential for you to become a burden to your children at a young age. My grandparents were very much a presence into childhood and obviously the later people have children the less time they are likely to have with them (obviously that won't be true for everyone, just base on my experience)
25/03/2013 at 19:47
I am 35 and know I'm going to be an old mum if I ever get there. In London, people often have children later so that fact didn't feel strange but reading the other thread I realise on here I am old. I wasn't ready to have children before I was about 26/7 (although maybe if I'd been with the right person I would have felt differently) and none of my friends had children. Ideally I wouldn't have waited so long to start trying after i turned 30 when i was ready but I am where I am and will just be grateful to be able to have a child.
25/03/2013 at 19:48
In an ideal world I would have liked to have my children by the time I was 25, as it was I didn't meet H until I was 27 and then got married at 30. Unfortunately nature wasn't quite as co-operative so Zoe didn't come along until I was almost 35. Again I would have liked another sooner but H wasn't in agreement so I am now going to be having no 2 at 39. For me this really is too old probably but I couldn't get rid of that urge to have another child.
So much depends on an individuals energy and fitness levels but I think my gut instinct is that over 45 is too old. Saying that I have a friend who had her first at 43 and second at 45 and she doesn't seem too old .. so who knows.
25/03/2013 at 19:51
In my own life, I would have considered over 35 to be too old for me to have kids. This obviously doesn't apply to everyone. I just know how I struggle with tiredness/lack of energy now at 31 so don't think I personally could cope if I was too much older!! Ideally I'd always wanted to be done with having babies by age of 30 and I had my 3rd & last baby the month following my 30th birthday so not too bad!
25/03/2013 at 20:22
I guess it depends on individual circumstances and situation. For example if you'd started trying at say 38, which I don't think is old, but then struggle to conceive or carry you might end up in mid forties before having a baby. Personally I feel that later than mid forties is too old. For me I would want to be done by forty but as it turned out I'll be finished at 30!
25/03/2013 at 20:29
For me personally about 10 years ago!!! The major thing I struggle with is tiredness at the moment, I am just hoping I will get some energy back after the baby is born and once it starts sleeping through... I will be 38 when it is born. For me 40 was a cut off.
A friend has had her first at 42 and is trying for number two, her oh is 50. I could no way do it at that age!!
25/03/2013 at 20:38
I very nearly posted this same question last week. My sil and her partner both turn 40 in a few weeks and are struggling to conceive. They only met two years ago so their circumstances didn't allow them to have children sooner. I have wondered how long they will ttc before looking at other options, such as adoption. They will make amazing parents, but I admit I feel uncomfortable about women above 45 having children.
My mum and dad had me when they were still in their (late) teens so I grew up with young parents. I left home when my mum was 36, I'm 35 and my family (barring a happy accident) is complete.
Some of my children's class mates have parents older than my parents. People assume they are the children's grandparents, which makes me sad.
25/03/2013 at 21:19
I'm giving myself another ten years to get to 40. Reason being that my mum and dad were done at 23 and 28 and then they tried again when my mum was nearly 40. Se got pregnant at 42 but lost the baby. I have it in my head that whilst I think we're done at the moment, at 30 I still have loads of time to change my mind.
25/03/2013 at 21:22
i'm 39 in a matter of months and still waiting..............
25/03/2013 at 21:29
35 in May.. Still hoping it will happen.
25/03/2013 at 21:31
I think age is just a number. As I said on other friend a really good friend of mine is 40 this year with a 1 year old, my friend is 13yrs older than me and all stresses and worries she had about becoming a parent are the exact same I'm now having.
I personally think if your fit and well then having children in your 40s is fine should you wish to. Ivf at 50/60 is a bit of difficult one to me
25/03/2013 at 21:40
I agree age is just a number. I had F when I was 37 and was fitter/healthier than many 25 year olds I know and lucky enough to be in a stable relationship, have built a good career, got a nice house etc. If I'd have had all those things when I was 25 then fine but I didn't.
Personally I don't think assisted conception should be allowed for women over 45 - not cos they wouldn't/couldn't handle it, more the affect on the child as they grew to adulthood with an elderly parent.
25/03/2013 at 23:14
I think there's advantages to 'younger' and 'older' parents, in terms of energy levels, when you get the 'you' time in your life and how financially stable you are, and it all depends on personal circumstances. But I'm not really comfortable with over 45, not sure why, probably just that that's what nature usually decrees and it makes sense. I've just read an interesting book, 'State of Wonder', a fiction set in a remote Amazon tribe that have discovered a way to keep fertilitiy indefinitely, and it basically concludes that that's necessarily not a good thing!
25/03/2013 at 23:20
My mum had me at 41 and my brother at 43, personally I would rather have my children in my twenties if possible because I feel I never bonded with my mum in the same way my peers did as there was such a big age gap and it seems a shame that she won't get as many years with her grandkids as say my husbands parents will (in theory)
26/03/2013 at 05:18
I didn't want children after 30 purely for selfish reasons- I want to be young enough to get out and enjoy life still when they go to uni and I don't want to have 'kids' at home when I'm in my 60s! Hs parents still have 2 of theirs at home and life completely revolves around them still (they are 21 and 26!)
26/03/2013 at 06:45
I had L at 27 and Isaac at 30, we have mixed feelings but I think if there was no other factors then I'd start Ttc at 30ish as I was probably a bit young and naive at 27. However the risk of mc and fetal abnormalities increase with age so given I was 28 with William and 29 with 2 mc then we probably shouldn't leave it too long to have another. I'm 32 in November and I think we might Ttc next year as I don't want to be over 35 and pregnant purely because of the increased risk of mc and abnormalities.
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