Pregnancy & Birth Clubs <
17/08/2013 at 10:00
I have recently got married, and have been being asked (on the actual wedding day included!) whether me and my husband would like children straight away or if we will wait, and so on. My answer so far has been along the lines of, we want children but you don't know how long these things are going to take. I don't feel comfortable telling people to mind their own business (depending on who the person is of course!), so what else could I say? I'm sure I'm not the only person who has come across this!
Close friends have known I'm broody for a while, but have been holding off actively TTC until after our wedding. I didn't mind them knowing this information, but do wish now I'd not been so open! I now fear I'm going to be regularly asked whether we are TTC like we planed to and how it is going. So any advice on how to handle this element would be appreciated too. I don't really like to view our journey as TTC as I feel it adds pressure.
Any thoughts / advice / experiences welcome!
17/08/2013 at 10:07
It's a pest isn't it!
I would just say things will happen when they happen...
Then your not really answering or denying them an answer :)
17/08/2013 at 10:12
Thanks Cupcake. And that is an honest answer as well!
I have irregular cycles so I never allow myself to just say 'yes we are TTC' as I think I'd feel like a 'fake'. If I were to just say 'yes' I know I'd have to tag on how our opportunities are limited though because of my cycles!
17/08/2013 at 10:16
I know exactly what you mean Mrs_A my cycles are pretty shocking too, We have chosen too not tell anyone that we are trying because I know we are going to struggle too, But if someone ask's I am going to use the above line :)
17/08/2013 at 11:02
Sometimes it's best to give a quick answer and then ask them something back so they get caught up In their own thoughts iykwim. Especially if you can make it about them TTC or whatever.
Or just say "I don't really discuss my sex life" lol, because that it technically what you are doing! I guess it depends on who asks. A lot of people you can just say you want to enjoy Year One of Marriage and your time together and say you'll think about it after that?
17/08/2013 at 11:07
I found this so tricky and like you initially answered honestly with friends about hoping to ttc after our wedding and regretted it. Turns out we had fertility problems and took 2 years plus ivf to conceive so people asking got very wearing. I found a lighthearted 'oh maybe after a few more holidays' worked well but I really did hate people asking when we were having problems. Good luck!
17/08/2013 at 12:12
When anyone asked me when we were going to try, i'd reply with "I don't know. when are you next going to have sex?" They'd feel awkward enough, that they wouldn't ask again.
17/08/2013 at 12:48
I like Ak's answer haha! So going to use this one sometime lol!
17/08/2013 at 12:56
Thanks all! Some good advice there.
With some (close friends) I don't like being dishonest, but I just know I'll kick myself if we take a considerably long length of time to conceive and everyone knows it has took that long. I know its not our fault, but I just think people have naive expectations that when someone says they are TTC they expect it to happen instantly.
17/08/2013 at 18:05
I used the one Abnormal Kitty said. I also told someone "as soon as I am off the crack"
My faves were none of your business or f*ck off. Most of the time I just said nothing and raised an eyebrow. Usually people got the message.
17/08/2013 at 18:24
Wish I had thought of AK's answer!
We got asked loads when we first got married, the first year is the worst and then I found people asked much less, not sure if they thought we might be having trouble conceiving or that we maybe weren't planning on kids. When we did get asked though I just used to say 'plenty of time for a family' or mention that there were too many places we wanted to go on holiday before thinking about kids.
My H used to say something along the lines of why would it mean we would be having a family because we had got married and that if we had wanted to have a family we would have (ie we didn't have to get married first!) that often shut people up.
We got a little puppy after we were married and when people used to ask I would then say what did they mean, I already had a baby! He was (and very much still is) my baby boy!
It gets annoying but I think people almost say it without thinking, when you get married people say it almost like asking how you are!
17/08/2013 at 21:15
Everyone knew that we wanted a family, we only got asked a few times early on and answered with "when nature decides" which kind of stopped any more questions.
18/08/2013 at 09:31
U used to say 'we are just enjoying being married at the moment'. it seemed to cover all situations.
18/08/2013 at 10:00
'Maybe next year' or 'hopefully one day' were my default answers depending on who asked. We conceived after 6 months around our first anniversary and it was only after our anniversary that I remember beig asked, so at that point it was more avoiding saying I was pg.
I was more honest with friends this time as I'd told some that we wanted to ttc from Christmas, but when I had some gynae problems that delayed us for a year I preferred to tell them the deal rather than have them treading on eggshells thinking we were struggling. Plus Inwas pretty upset about the delay and it was good to talk.
I don't think it is like asking someone about their sex life, it's not like people are asking how often and what positions you are doing it in. There are many ways to answer without telling all or being rude.
18/08/2013 at 10:26
I was 14weeks on my wedding day (oops) so didn't get asked. D was about 2mths old when we were asked when there would be another one. I must've answered very abruptly as was never asked again.
18/08/2013 at 19:50
I always said that a wedding and a baby are two very seperate events.
18/08/2013 at 19:57
I said, we want children eventually but just want some time to enjoy being just us for a while
18/08/2013 at 20:10
We had this a lot too, even before we got engaged people would say when are you getting married. Then once married the baby questions start coming, then once we had our first it was when are you having another and then after our second we now get so are you going to try for a girl next?! I just used to reply with "when we are ready we are enjoying being married first"
18/08/2013 at 20:17
I had this today. I'm not even 25, but apparently a great disappointment to the in-laws.
I just said that we're not even married and would not even be considering until after we're married (they don't know about the lost condoms!)
I find this question horrendously rude tbh.
18/08/2013 at 20:40
I've just worked out , the last 7 members of OH's family age for first child is 22 hahahahaha. Oh goodness!
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