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01/10/2013 at 23:47
Bit of a brain dump but I feel I'm struggling at the mo. H is 8 months and is just such hard work. he hasn't slept through the night since 4 months and recently has been up nearly every hour. We had a rough start and I was quite ill so we couldn't really do anything until 13 weeks even though he was sleeping through then it feels like I've not had any rest all year. He's ebf so I do all the nights alone and also main day career. He rarely goes down in an evenjng and sleeps in our bed. Sometimes he'll go in a cot bit only for an hour or so. When he's awake he's into everything and never sits still. At all. He's not s cuddly baby but also hates being left alone. He won't sit. He won't be fed but doesn't eat much when left to do it himself so every meal is a battle.
i just feel at the end if my tether. I love him but feel I'm coming to resent him as there is just no break and no let up, it's like he's hyper. I'm now considering putting him into nursery just to get a break. My H is pretty hopeless so I feel it's all on me. My mum helps out a lit but both of them are also feeling liie there is no let up. I worry I wont love him enough if this carries on as I just want to escape and I don't want him to feel unwanted.
Tell me it gets easier. It's all gotten harder not easier since he was born. It doesn't help I feel ill a lot of the time as I now have vertigo but i just feel trapped
I know I sound ungrateful and I hate myself for not loving him more and not just accepting all this abs dealing with it. We are so lucky to have him but its just do hard
mot sure why I've written this post - just to get it off my chest I think!
02/10/2013 at 07:45
So sore you feel this way. Sleep deprevation really is torture. I totally sympathise as my 3.5 yr old has only just started sleeping through.
Will he settle in your bed? I fou d this was the only way I could survive!
Are you returning to work? This was a saving grace for me and although I did 12.5 hr nightshirts it was still a break from being mummy.
With regards to his eating - the old mantra "food is for fun up till 1" still applies. Do t worry if he isn't eating much. Just keep offering. I fi d it hard to see food wasted so I offered little and often which seemed to help.
Do you get out much? Go to any groups? I found having a plan for each day was a godsend. Even if it was just walking to the local shop for a few bits. I'd put them in the pram and generally L would nap.
02/10/2013 at 08:08
I've certainly felt like this at times too LM. Es sleeping isn't so bad for the last four weeks (after having days of every 20 mins) but she is constantly on the go. It was when she could cruise comfortably and crawl well and climb that E started sleeping again (she broke about 22 weeks). And is 9 months next week. Though I know every baby is different. It also means that she can follow wherever I go along we never had the screaming when I left as she could crawl and followed iyswim and I could crack on.
I really do feel for you. But agree getting out, despite it being the last thing you want to do is definitely for the best. I too told h I were going to put E into the cms early as I were getting no break and me time? What is that!
02/10/2013 at 09:07
So sorry LM, it sounds incredibly tough for you atm, and please don't beat yourself up about how you're feeling - you're doing an amazing job in really difficult circumstances. Can I ask, is there any reason you're still ebf, not giving a bottle of expressed or formula? I was just thinking that could give you a break every evening, a couple of hours to sleep, or even just have a bath and a bit of time out, though sleep would obviously be the best thing and what you desperately need some of to get through the nights and difficult days.
Have you talked to your H about doing more? The bottle might be a good start as it will give him something that he can do with H.
I've just started reading a book called The No Cry Sleep Solution, to find gentle tips on SS. It talks loads about co-sleeping though, the Author co-sleeps herself and seems to really know her stuff, and there's a chapter about getting baby to wake / nurse less in the night when co-sleeping. It's all extremely gentle and non judgmental - none of this 'you shouldn't have rocked your baby as a newborn' business which is very refreshing. It might be worth a look... not that you have much free time to read it I know.
Sending big hugs and hope things start to change soon. For the moment though I'd try to get some sleep however I could, as it's so hard to conquer anything else when you are completely exhausted and fed up xx
02/10/2013 at 22:37
I'm so sorry LM, you must be exhausted. Lack of sleep makes everything so much harder to deal with. Please don't feel bad about how you are feeling though, you have so much to deal with without adding to it. It's perfectly normal - well it is for me anyway! It will get easier, wish I could tell you when, but it will. In the meantime I agree with the others about trying to get out to groups and stuff. I often don't feel like going, but once I get there I am always glad I went. Sometimes being a mum can feel really lonely, in my opinion, despite having the company of two small people all day. With regards to the food, have you cut back on his milk intake at all? My H eats much better at tea time than lunch time because it's before milk rather than after. I'm currently trying to reduce his mid morning milk in the hopes he will have more lunch. Saying that, I would try not to worry too much as long as his weight gain is ok, I'm sure he will get to it in his own time - easier said than done I know, I too often find mealtimes quite tense. I really hope things improve soon for you. Big hugs to you. Please know that you are doing a great job for your little man and please don't be too hard on yourself. Please feel free to contact me via FB if you want to chat more. More hugs lovely xxx
03/10/2013 at 22:39
Big bugs to you, I did try and reply yesterday but md was being annoying. I wrote a similar post when Ben was about 8 months. Ben isn't a cuddly baby either and is into everything and so damn speedy, I've had to resort to using the travel cot as a playpen just so I can go to the loo. Whats helped recently is that I've tried to make more of an effort to leave the house and then I have a sense of achievement for the day. I just wanted to et you know that you're not alone xxx
03/10/2013 at 22:40
ETA that was supposed to say big hugs not big bugs - stupid ipad!
03/10/2013 at 23:28
Thanks everyone, I agree on getting out if the house, nothing seems as overwhelming when I'm out as the house can feel v small when your constantly saying dint touch or try to sleep!
He is in my bed at night but still wakes every 30 nins, I can't believe he can be so hungry but he feeds each time so maybe I'm wring. I think it's a comfort thing though. I am hiking back to work but supposedly not until next February although I'm not sure if this is too long off. Having said that u don't know how I'd work and not sleep, LR I admire you for lasting to 3 and a half.
It is nice to hear it might get better though. Ideally this would be tonight!
04/10/2013 at 11:00
My LG was the same she would go to sleep, then wake up every hour and would feed. Me and my H were exhausted, mentally and physically. I looked up on the internet and came across "controlled crying" I was horrified, the thought of leaving her screaming was horrific.
Then my H had a car accident due to exhaustion, and I thought. That's it. So we tried controlled crying, my H found it so difficult that he slept on the sofa, the first night she woke up twice, the second night she woke up 3 times, then since then she's slept through, and when we have another will definatly do controlled crying (this was at 6 months). HTH in some way.
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