Pregnancy & Birth Clubs <
11/11/2014 at 12:30
Hi all, this is a bit of a moan and a request for advice, if I may.
A bit of background - until the summer I had a boss who honestly amazed me with his support and understanding during our first round of IVF. He took early retirement in July, and in August my new manager took up the post. My old manager had given him a heads up about the situation during the handover, but once he was in post we had a 1 to 1 and I explained a little further, as we were on the brink of starting our FET cycle. I told him that I would be very tired, and that I needed to be stress free, so I would appreciate it if he could ensure that I had no extra pressure placed on me - basically I needed to be able to come to work, do what I needed to do, and go home at the end of the day without anything to worry about. He said all the right things, said that was fine and anything I needed he'd support, yada yada yada. And then within half an hour was sending me emails asking me to book onto different courses and training days.
I've had this same conversation with him at every 1 to 1 I've had since. He knows that we got our BFP, and therefore knows that I am now pregnant and dealing with the symptoms of that. However, he seems determined to be on my back all the time to do things that aren't part of my job description. Don't get me wrong, I don't mind helping out my team, but when he's asking me to chair a meeting that I never actually attend, which lasts for 3 hours+ and at the moment I'm having to run off to the ladies probably 5/6 times in that duration, I'm not sure it's feasible for me to do.
I'm starting to feel really stressed out. Last week I rang in sick one day, and he asked me to call him that afternoon so I did - he didn't ask how I was or anything (the fact that I had no voice should have been a flag for him, but apparently not), he just asked if I was going to be back in the next day. So I felt pressured to come in.
Am I being overly sensitive? I really feel that right now he's asking too much of me. I'm starting to dread coming in to work every day, and I've been there before and ended up signed off with depression which is obviously not a situation I want to find myself in right now. How on earth do I explain this to him and get him to understand I'm not just being a diva?
11/11/2014 at 12:33
ST you are not being a Diva, your boss acting like a prize pr1ck! You need to have this out with him and you need to be frank, and I would speak to HR about the matter also! If he's not listening and putting measures in place to relieve the pressure and stress you face then I think you need to inform HR.
11/11/2014 at 12:42
What Claire said. If he fails to make amends, or HR fail to help in any way, I'd be going on long term sick until i felt capable of returning to work. Getting you to phone in when your sick specifically to ask if you'll be in the next day is way out of line. For one thing, you don't have a crystal ball to see the future to know whether you'll be well enough to return. you can hope to be better to return, but you won' t know for sure.
11/11/2014 at 13:54
I wouldn't even know who to contact in HR, I've searched our online directory and there is no contact listed for the function I work in. Our HR are beyond useless anyway, I'd get more sense out of a brick wall.
I think I've got a 1 to 1 with him tomorrow, so I'll have to raise it then - it's just knowing what to say. I'm also considering mentioning it to my GP when I go to confirm the pregnancy, see what they advise. It's really getting me down, I should be elated after seeing our bean yesterday and instead I feel like I'm on the verge of tears because I don't need all this.
11/11/2014 at 15:25
Oh ST please don't let him dampen your spirits after yesterday, lovely x
He sounds pretty insensitive and maybe he just needs the point to be hammered home a bit more. If you aren't confident speaking to HR yet, maybe have your meeting with him tomorrow and politely suggest that you'd like to follow-up the meeting with an email documenting what you've discussed. If it's a case of that he doesn't realise how uncomfortable he's making you then seeing it in writing might just give him a bit of a wake up call. I'm not an expert on HR issues though so happy to be corrected if anyone else thinks this is a terrible idea for some reason!!
In terms of what to say, just go over what you've said here. That you are a team player, happy with doing the things that are specified in your remit but going beyond that at the moment is something that you're not comfortable with, especially given the long road you've had to get to where you are. Don't be afraid to say that a couple of things that have happened recently really haven't been acceptable, like being called when you have take sick leave. It doesn't have to be a big confrontation, just as long as you feel you've gotten your point across.
12/11/2014 at 07:59
Please dont let it get you down, it is easy for things to get on top of you when combined with 1st tri exhaustion. My boss is very much like yours and extremely unreasonable (wanting me to take A/L for hosp, doing more than rest of team to get my year's work done in less time than rest of team so it's done by maternity etc). I raised it with her and also went through our company's maternity policy in a meeting with her. But i found it more useful to simply explain why I wasnt happy with something each time she raised a new thing. As despite our meetings, i dont think she then perceived her next step as unreasonable. I also raised my concerns with the boss above her and mainly try to deal with them now as they are much more understanding. Good luck!
14/11/2014 at 19:51
How did your 1 to 1 go ST?
18/11/2014 at 09:41
Sorry I've taken so long to come back to this - my office has been crazy busy for the last week or so and I've had non moments of privacy. Thankfully everyone's in a meeting this morning so I can sneak on!
My one to one never happened last week, I arrived at work on Wednesday to find out that my boss was in York, and he was there again on Thursday and I was there on Friday, so I didn't see him til yesterday. It has been rescheduled for tomorrow afternoon. So we'll see what happens then! Thank you for all your support and advice though, I do just need to tell him straight really don't I?
19/11/2014 at 09:43
Good luck for this afternoon ST x
19/11/2014 at 23:08
Can you contact your health and safety team, they should do a risk assessment base on the fact you're pregnant. Stress is part of health and safety, so they should help you out. They might also back you in not travelling so frequently. Read your maternity policy so you know where you stand. If you go of work with a non pregnancy related illness they can't put you on early maternity leave at 26 weeks. Best of luck tomorrow
20/11/2014 at 07:22
I had my one to one yesterday afternoon and told him my concerns about chairing a long meeting, he's still keen for me to do it but is trying to think of a way so that I only do a section of it. Not quite the answer I hoped for but better than nothing. I've also told him I certainly won't be doing any training courses until the new year, and he was fine with that. I think it possibly helped that I was feeling particularly queasy at the time and he could see how much I was struggling!
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