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07/05/2014 at 13:38
we we have recently become very concerned about our little one. She is so nervous, jumpy, anxious, aggressive, shouty etc etc. We've been working on confidence around children and groups for past 8 months and where she was slowly making progress she has taken a few steps back again. In fact she's worse than ever. So clingy, nervous of people, now bit nervous of even family. We've been trying to build her confidence to help with start of preschool in sept. Last year she wasn't ready as hated being left and that affected her so much. She was like a different person. So scared around people, even family who she'd prev been fine with. I felt like we were making progress but feel like we're back to square one. She is very shouty at h and I and is currently throwing huge tantrums. But she's extremely clingy with us. She's such hard work. At playgroup she is the most highly strung one there. It's so stressful. I can deal with the odd tantrum but it's much more than that.
anyone else had or has a little one like this. What shall i do? Should we speak to someone about it? I have always done lots of reading if books and online, trying to do things right. :-( I feel like it's my fault. I've tried to do everything right and to be a good mum. To be honest, i'm very down and it's only getting worse. I dont feel I can cope with this behaviour and constant worry much longer. After group today I put her down for a nap, spoke to H on the phone and just cried and cried.
Anyone elses sea littke ones like this?
She he has been very hot and tired recently. Not a temp but noticeably warmer than normal. Runny eyes occasionally, so perhaps touch hayfever? v mild though. Thinking of speaking with a gp or hv.
Sorry it's long. Any experiences or advice appreciated.
07/05/2014 at 15:05
Hey Blossom, I am sorry you are going through such a tough time, I can't relate as I'm not a parent., but I think you could contact both HV and your GP and see what they have to say. I really hope you get some answers and try not to be to hard on yourself, they don't say being a parent is the hardest thing in the world for nothing. Huge hugs.
07/05/2014 at 15:32
Blossom, I'm really sorry you're going through this. It must be at the point now where it's mentally and physically draining for you. I would also suggest speaking to both your HV and GP, hopefully they can offer some advice and point you in the right direction for getting some help and support with her behaviour. Please do let us know how you get on x
07/05/2014 at 21:27
I can appreciate how it's getting you down. We've been through periods with both of ours when you don't see how things can improve and then they suddenly do. I'm presuming that you're at home with her, so she's not needed to be left with strangers before, therefore i can appreciate how it would make her anxious to be away from the security she knows. I'd speak to your HV as 1st port of call, then i'd contact the pre-school and explain the situation. They will be able to put things in place to make the transition easier for you both. I've seen children literally dragged kicking and screaming into school, but they soon calm down when distracted. It took a friend of C's months to stop screaming at the sight of the school steps, but the staff worked with her and mum and now you'd never know. If it was a bad experience from an earlier attempt to leave her that's made her so nervous it may take a while, but she'll get there. She'll have to for school.
Make sure you stress how you're feeling to your GP or HV and request some family support. Things will get better, i'm sure. X
08/05/2014 at 13:46
Three year olds can be horrid in their behaviour. And the tantrums can be so wearing as well - you can look at your own child and think 'I love you but right now I really do not like you'.
To me it sounds like a couple of things going on. The tantrums could well be to do with development - wanting to do new things - or it might be because she's under the weather. It would be worth talking to your GP about her to see if she does have mild hay fever. If she does then that could explain why she's not feeling herself and therefore is more clingy than normal. The only thing with tantrums is to be consistent, be as calm as you can manage and ride it out until they stop. Remember to praise the good behaviour and try to head off the tantrums as much as you can before they start. I also found a warning and a 'one, two, three' count very effective provided that you use a reasonable threat and follow through if they get to three without stopping.
Some children are naturally very shy and its OK to be like that. In that aspect she sounds like one of my friend's little boys. He was very shy and didn't like to play on his own at play groups and things like that. He'd cling to his mum - even though she really wanted him to play with the toys. And one time he was on the floor in front of her and I made the mistake of saying 'hallo' to him (I'd known him since he was born so not a stranger) and he immediately rushed back to his mum. I think that you can only encourage them as much as you can but accept their limitations. After all, none of us like being made to do things that we feel uncomfortable with, so the gentle encouragement is probably a really good thing. Incidentally, my friend's child was the younger of two and his older brother was so much more confident socially at a young age and they were parented the same so it wouldn't be that. He gradually became more confident as he turned four and then suddenly he would talk to me.
Encourage her to say 'hallo' to others whenever you can. Encourage her to join in and play with you on the floor and then encourage another child to join in. Talk to the preschool about it and ask for their support. Talk to your health visitor. That's what they are there for. If it is making you cry then probably your tension makes it harder to respond calmly when she has a tantrum.
Finally, be reassured. There is nothing like a toddler behaving badly to make you doubt your own abilities because sometimes you can't do a thing with them. But the nice thing is that they do get over it eventually and a child who's horrid for a few days or even weeks will eventually stop it.
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