Family Life & Relationships <
22/01/2016 at 13:13
I am looking for some advice but don't want to talk to family or friends as I feel they will get their hopes up push me one way or another without meaning to. We got married in decembed and have been together 8 years and have spoken about children in the past but never tried. I just went to the doctors for my routine pill check up and she discussed longer term contraceprion. I have told my hubby we need to have a chat about our potential plans so I can make the right decision but I'm not sure how I feel regarding children. How do you know when your ready? I have always imagined having children but I don't get the 'maternal rush' everyone seems to talk about which puts doubt in my mind. I feel I should have an uncontrollable urge to have them before we try but what if I never get that?
22/03/2016 at 22:13
I'm probably lot younger than you but I also thought that it's like I will probably feel that"maternity urge"in the future and then I'll know I want a baby, because I was also imagining having them one day but it was more like"well if it happens, happens".
And now when I got pregnant"out of the blue"I can only say I believe that maternity urge comes after you get pregnant ((:
31/03/2016 at 12:58
Thank you for your reply. It's not an easy conversation to have as my friends either have children/desperatly trying or are very much not interested in children at all so I will just get pulled by bias! i always thought I would know by now as I am 27. it's such a life changing decision and I worried if I fell pregnant I would regret it so it's good to hear it could come after falling pregnant. Thank you
31/03/2016 at 15:10
Well since you are considering kids(like I was)I think you would never regret it if it would happen. Even if it's not with"the love of your life"(when you look on average, not many people who had kids were soulmates for the rest of their lives, including my parents and me and my husband), trust me, baby is always always always hapiness from the moment you find out to birth and so on. You will be scared at moments like most pregnant women but it's a completely different world so that's normal :)
In the end, if you would get pregnant you would realise it was never something to be planned like something on your bucket list. I say try to pretend you just got a positive test. What would you do? How would you imagine the next 5 and 10 years? If you're scared you will miss out a lot if you get a baby...well I'm 20 and I'm not scared of that. I probably haven't gone through some things yet but I won't miss my past life and I'm not scared of regretting in the future. My mum had six of us and it was never easy for her but she made it through and I think her life is rich now because she is surrounded by big family and that's what counts as you get older; family!
Baby is not a commodity so you can't even compare it to partying or something/whatnot that you would be missing out once you have it. It's just so much more than that :)
I'm sorry for the long post :P
31/03/2016 at 15:26
I appreciate the long post haha. I know my husband will make an amazing dad and I don't have doubts we could provide a home etc its just the whole constantly being told one day you will just want them and get this overwhelming rush of maternal instinct etc and now being badgered as we got married recently! I think there is a lot of pressure to feel one way and that's how doubts have slipped in! It's strange really as even getting married everyone was like you will get this overwhelming rush of love and things will change and after when I said nothing changes we are the same as we have been the last 8 years everyone agrees! So much for feeding me rubbish and then taking it all back! (Just a quick note I knew it wouldn't change anything and didn't want it to lol) I don't think my fear of giving birth helps either.
31/03/2016 at 17:22
Yeah I can understand what you mean, feels like"peer pressure"lol A lot of those are just things that people believe not knowing why, it's like they're self-hypnotized by some beliefs and that's how they live their life. I guess you should take time and see what baby would mean for you. Even before I got pregnant, I spent some time observing kids(lol I know it sounds creepy but yeah on occassions I would watch kids play in the park or if my friends had little ones etc)and later I watched videos of taking care of the newborn and I also watched labour videos(it was hard to watch to be honest, but I think you should definitely watch)and other things(like from conception to birth etc).
As for labour, that's like kinda last on my mind. It doesn't have to be horrible! I'm planning water birth but even if things get complicated I know everything will be fine(as they say, women have been giving birth since forever!).
It's just a completely amazing process and it should be yours and yours only, so don't bother what others have to say about it :) you should try to talk with your husband openly how you feel about all this, I think it would help too :)
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