Family Life & Relationships <
13/05/2016 at 16:11
Hey, I'm new here but need an outlet an hopefully some advice.
So I'm 19 and now 10 weeks pregnant. I'm from the care system so I have no family support an no 'mother figure' to speak of.
I've been in a relationship with this 26 y/o guy for the past 8 months. (yes I know its not a longtime but I was on the depo injection at the time of conception). He used to constantly talk about kids and that he wants many kids with me, i on the other hand have never wanted kids and am only just starting to warm to the idea of a little one. He was over the moon when I told him.
We live together and have done for about 3 months now.
He has never really been an affectionateguy, to be honest j don't think he's ever once held my hand, he's only hugged me a hand full of times an almost never kisses me (not even during sex- sorry for tmi). And to be completely honest he only ever touches me when he wants sex. This has made me feel lonely and when brought up in discussion he just tells me I'm over reacting.
I've caught him liying to me and chatting up other females a few moths ago and I even caught him meeting up with his ex girlfriend ( this broke me). I've slowly started to trust him again but he's hidding his phone and only answers it when I leave the room. My phone is always with in his reach I leave it home when I go to the shop or go see a mutual female friend, my Facebook is always logged in on his computer and on my laptop and his is always logged out and he lies about the fact that he even uses it.
Lately on a few occasions ive gone to bed crying feeling crappy about myself (partly hormones partly the way he makes me feel). He lays next to me completely ignoring me and goes to sleep. When I try to tell him that it feels like he's using me and I feel so alone he ignores me and carries on watching t.v or closes his eyes and trys to sleep. Ive tried giving him space and giving him what he wants like I literall
y wait on him hand and foot and when I tell him I do so much for him his responds is never thank you its always 'I never asked you to' but when I don't do these things he sees his bum with me and goes all moody. Its always one rule for him and another for me.
He tells me frequently that he loves me but I honestly think he's just saying that to keep me happy. I don't know what to do because its not just me that I have to think about any more, with a baby on the way I need to think about its future and our stability.... Any advice would be helpful thanks for the read.
14/05/2016 at 10:13
You are very right, you need to think about your babies future and stability, and that means you both being content and happy which I don't think you are now. I know its so hard as you have no other 'family' support, but do you have friends you could speak to at all? I would mention your concerns to your midwife and she may be able to point you in the direction of help with housing. It may be that your hormones are making you feel worse, but you obviously haven't been happy for a while or so it sounds. If you are going to leave it would be much better while you are pregnant than when you have a newborn :-)
14/05/2016 at 10:17
I would say try speaking to him about your concerns but you have already tried to no avail. maybe if you try and tell him how serious things are and how you arent happy anymore it might encourage some real conversation from him. I think communication and trust are so important in a relationship especially when you are pregnant. Sorry no real advice but just my thoughts on it all :-)
14/05/2016 at 15:06
I agree with pixie.
You may find help from sure start or local authority or even women's aid and for housing find your nearest young persons outreach program
15/05/2016 at 18:32
Thanks guys given me a a bit of food for thought, going to try talk to him once more and if not I'll have to tell him we need a break. Maybe if we have a break he may buck his ideas up a bit, though I doubt it. However its always worth a try x
15/05/2016 at 22:05
Your welcome, this is a great place to chat on the bad days, although whatever you do has to be your decision as you have to live with it.
18/06/2016 at 20:58
I feeling exact same n same tme pregnant as u my hubby as pushed me away since his son living with us he demands. His ex meets to collect him n she msgs at stupid time not flirty but as been in past n he argumentuve dont seem bothered about me no e so overprotective of his child my son got diagnosed autisum ADHD and he like always picking little things like his screaming ot when he don't wanna be touched by his son as he don't trust him much hes always tormenting him slyly hitting him n he gets away with it so I know how u sorta feel hope ur ok xxx
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