Family Life & Relationships <
15/05/2016 at 15:52
I am hoping someone can give me some advice and I'll try make this as short as I can! I'm just under 30 years old. I have three beautiful children aged 7,6&3. I work full time 8:30-5 every day, 12 days on,2 days off a fortnight. I work with my partner, we met at work. We both do the same job and as described, work long gruelling hours. The careers we have have given us so far a wonderful life. We have just bought our first family home.
on the Weekends that we are at work (every other weekend) my mother has my kids for me. So she has/sees them twice a month.
I appreciate my mother having my kids for me, and without her I wouldn't be able to work. However my issue is her controlling and opinionated behaviour. She constantly has an opinion on every matter of me raising my children. her biggest argument is I should be a stay at home mother and not work. Whilst at work my kids are in school/nursery. All my children thoroughlly enjoy their routines and never complain that they aren't happy.
However my mother ensures I am riddled with guilt on a daily basis. We don't have a babysitter, and if we aren't at work then we are with our children 24/7. The last time we had an evening out for a drink or cinema was so long ago I can't even remember! When my mother has my kids it's purely for the hours whilst I'm at work and then I drive forty minutes to hers to collect them at approx 6:30-7pm and take them home. Only to drive back at 7:30 the next morning to drop them off again. Sometimes in a Blue moon I ask her if she could have them over night as the kids would enjoy it and it would save me an awful lot of travelling for the sake of putting them to bed and karting them back out again. She refuses and says that they should be in their own beds as "they never get to be at home". She constantly tells me I am selfish for working and that I only go to work to get rid of my kids. She argues that I only care about myself and I shouldn't have time just me and my partner for "date night" because we are parents and we get enough time together away from the kids when we are at work. I feel so miserable because it's having an effect on my relationship. My partner isn't the father to my children so he sometimes feels frustrated that he can't take me out for dinner or surprise me to an evening out somewhere. I appreciate she helps me by having them when I work alternate weekends. But I wish she would see I work to better the life for my whole family. Work is exhausting without the added pressure and guilt from her. This morning I dropped the kids off an hour earlier than usual(today is Sunday so I dropped them off at 8, I have work at 10) as my partner and I thought it would be lovely to go for a costa breakfast And have "us"time away from the stresses of work, kids demanding constant attention. After I dropped them off with her she rang me saying that I am incredibly selfish and that it's clear all I care about is pushing my kids out to whoever will take them. And that again, we get plenty of time to be together as a couple during work. (we both work in a busy sales environment) I am exhausted with being made to feel guilty for craving just an hour out of being a mum and a career woman. Am I so bad for this? i am constantly with my children who I adore and do everything for. They are a pleasure to be around but I have no time out of work mode to sit and just have a conversation with my partner. My mum is killing my spirit. Can someone give me some advise? It's all the little things aswell that undermine me as a parent. She will shout at me in front of my kids sometimes. I am so fed up of this I don't know what to do anymore. :(
15/05/2016 at 20:17
Once your youngest turns 5 the government like you to return to work anyway (your children are at school for at least 6 hrs of the day so no reason not to hold a job).
It was different when your mum had you to life now & she needs to realise that while many parents dream of staying home with the children it isn't always possible (you have bills to pay, food to buy, clothing to buy, days out to pay for, transport costs...). You are not 'palming off' the children but entrusting their care to a trusted adult while you go out to earn money to provide for their needs. As for fraternising at work...😂😂😂I would love to know where she worked to be able to do that (Hubby & I were lucky to get 10mins ).
Keep your chin up, you are a great parent (don't let anyone tell you differently )
16/05/2016 at 23:57
This is going to sound blunt but At the end of the day they are your children not hers. She has no real obligation to have them. She clearly doesn't want them or to be tied to having them so much or certain days and certain hours so either you have to find someone else or you have to reduce your hours to meet your childcare needs.
Unfortunately there is alot of parents who also struggle to get alone time, it's part-and-parcel of being a parent and the more children you have the harder it is.
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