Family Life & Relationships <
02/01/2016 at 16:14
I really am not sure where to start. I had my son when my husband was deployed. We had gone through some pretty rough stuff during the deployment. Anyways, he came back home when my baby was 2 months old. He is 5 months now. I was not excited about his return, I just chalked it up to what had happened when he was gone. We have been going to therapy and working on things. I thought my feelings would change. To cut to the chase, I really don't want him around at all. I often find myself dreading that he wants to be a dad. I wish that he would just up and leave and never look back. I want to be alone with my baby! He is a good dad and he does try to help but I feel so much more content when he isn't around. I feel horrible for feeling like this, please tell me I'm not alone!
22/01/2016 at 05:06
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22/01/2016 at 06:08
We don't always like our partners or even can grow to resent them. That's how I felt about my husband when I found out he secretly looked at porn (& a few other things, for me that's one of my deal breakers). I absolutely hated him. He was the scum of the Earth to me.
I think it takes a lot of discipline & courage either way you choose to go- with or without him. But considering a baby, it might be worth a chance at trying to make it work. The trick that worked for me, to put my husband back in my good side, was for both of us to try really hard at making positive associations with each other, like start seeing each other in a good light by making sure we were doing our favorite things together & talking a lot. He also went into therapy, b/c he generally has a hard time talking about his feelings. He has made a big turnaround & I feel I can trust him (& like him!) again.
There was a very good online resource we used, called marriagebuilders.com. The marriage therapist who writes for the site also has books, but just the online articles were sufficient for us to work on our stuff. He is a somewhat Christian therapist, but he doesn't mention Christianity a lot in his writings- but thought I should mention. I think his terminology- even just giving us the words to speak our minds- was sufficient enough but he gives advice on there, too. I thought it helped a lot to look for self-help like that.
Good luck, I know it sucks when it seems like HE sucks. I been there. It can be repaired, as really if you think about it, all that's going on is your associations & perception of him is ruined, not all the love you 2 could possibly ever have. I would advise to give it a shot if you can manage it, but also that may be a lot to handle with a baby too. :/ Good luck lady!
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