Family Life & Relationships <
03/08/2015 at 16:36
Me and my boyfriend are both 21, and have been together for 5 years. A few months ago we found out we was expecting, both very excited about oir little suprise! My family was fine and lvery supportive, but the 'inlaws' was not impressed at first. I recieved a call of his mum at first saying i should get an abortion as it will ruin our lifes as we have nothing to offer a child. Nothing to offer? We both have very good stable careers, so know financially we can support a child. And we can offer unconditional love to our child who we already love so much.
A couple months past and she calmed down and accepted the fact we was having this child, with or without his familys support. They want to be part of their first grandchilds life so we put it behind us and have moved forward.
Now at 20 weeks (gender scan booked in 7 days) we have a new problem!
My partners grandparents dont want to know the sex. We have respected their wishes and said we will try to keep it from them as much as possible. My mum is organising me ababy shower, based around the gender of my baby. I have explained this to the grandparents and they are now fuming the fact they wont be able to come as if they do, they will find the sex out!
We was at a recent bbq round my partners house, and a couple of the family friends got invovled. I felt as if i was being attacked. This friend of theirs said i was a selfish human being that cant respect elders and they hope baby has got legs crossed so we cant find out and ruin it for his grandparents. What do i do??
I dont want to upset anyone, but surely the choice is mine and my partners? I feel trapped, and i cant please everyone
03/08/2015 at 18:21
Hello, goodness some opinions flying about! Everyone has their own idea of whether or not to find out their baby's gender. Id say stick to yours guns as at the end of the day it's your baby so your choice. Like the in laws suggesting you had an abortion, people will hopefully get over it in time and should really respect your decision.
That aside, I can imagine it's pretty stressful with the family 'ganging up ' on you guys.. Could your partner maybe speak to his grandparents. If they still don't want to know, then they'd best stay away from your babyshower (their choice!). But hopefully it won't come to that though. Good that you have your family's support. Good luck x
03/08/2015 at 18:36
Mine is the opposite...my husbands family is very supportive...but my family is not..they don't like my husband we both have a job and my family is always trying to get me in to a fight with my husband..with my first baby I didn't tell my mom I was prego until I was 4 months (20weeks) and with my second the same thing almost til I was 20 weeks and with this one im around 11+-12 weeks and i haven't told my mom yet. while my husband side is celebrating another addition to the family! like you said its your baby your choice what you want to do with the baby and with your body they are not given you money to raise that baby! your are working to raise that baby...good luck! by the way...my second baby was a surprise baby and it was my husband and my decision it was sooo excited to wait till the end...with the third we want to know because we are hoping for a girl since we have to little boys...but as long is healthy baby we are going to love him/her
03/08/2015 at 20:31
I agree, we have a family mamber who has a difficult time for her own reasons whenever someone's expecting in the family.
With each of our kids we have found out the gender and she has been adamant she dosnt want to know until its delivered, but then she is the first to congratulate.... To us its her decision...our family's choose how much they want to be involved in our lives but its just that point..OUR life
I can respect the decision for whatever reason but it will not influence my choices and over the years (20 yrs together) there have been many times with most of the family we have said back off/ our lives etc...
My oldest son has a phrase " I reject your reality and choose to substitute my own". Basically saying he will choose his own path while acknowledging what we envision for him.
You cant please everyone but concentrate on you and your hubby x
04/08/2015 at 04:45
Let them grumble and ignore their silly comments...everyone has an opinion but it's your opinion and that of your partner that counts.. as with every stage you'll go through as your baby grows up you should listen to yourself and make your own choice. Don't let their pettiness upset or overshadow this lovely precious time they need to be Respecting your decisions not the other way round!!
With all life decisions there is always the family members who think they know it all and will question why or how or where...but it's your life.
My eldest was conceived when I was 21 she is the best and most beautiful thing I ever fell in love with. She didn't make my life worse no way she enhanced it in more ways I could have ever imagined. 7 years later I'm so glad I had her when I was "so young and inexperienced" as I was told by my Nan and her dad's family.
04/08/2015 at 07:40
I would honestly be fuming! I would inform them that this is YOUR baby not theirs. If you decide to find out what the gender is that it's YOUR choice. I would also tell them that you are trying to be respectful of them and let it be a surprise for them but your not going to tiptoe around them so they can come to YOUR baby shower.Tell them that this is your shower and you are going to have it the way that you want it and if they want to come they are welcome to suck it up and find out or they can just live with the fact that they aren't going to be able to go to your shower! Sometimes you just have to be firm! I would also let them know that if they want to have there own baby and keep it a surprise that they can but I'm kinda a b**ch so that's just me. I would also let them know that if they continue to make your pregnancy and your life miserable they wwill just not be a part of either because it's not fair for them to act that way!
04/08/2015 at 07:44
P.S I'm sorry your going through this! Just be strong and you'll get through it! I know that it's hard when people aren't happy about you're wonderful news! I hope things get better for you and you're boyfriend!
04/08/2015 at 08:20
How awful! I can't believe how people think they have a right to dictate other peoples lives.
If it was me, I'd find out the sex and go out of my way to inform the grandparents, but I don't think that's what you should do. I think you should say if they aren't willing to respect your decisions regarding this baby, then you will no longer discuss this baby with them as it's causing arguments. Then concentrate on your own family who are being supportive.
Good luck with everything.
04/08/2015 at 08:31
Oh my goodness that's horrible!!! What sort of parents do and say that?!
I imagine its not very nice at all to feel like people are ganging up on you - but stay strong and stick to your guns! Its you and your partners baby, not theirs!! And if the parents/grandparents want to alienate themselves all because they know the baby will be a boy or a girl then that's just ridiculous and its their loss!! Yes, they might like the excitement of not knowing, but if the only reason they have given to not go to your baby shower is because of the gender of the baby then that's a cop out to me! And you don't need to be surrounded by those types of people, not at this happy time!
I know its probably easier said than done, but try and keep your distance and only speak to them/see them when you really have to.
Keep smiling and good luck with the rest of your pregnancy xx
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