Family Life & Relationships <
29/06/2014 at 12:39
Im 33 weeks with baby number 2, have an extremely full on 2 year 10 month old. Since my body has changed and ive got bigger (and fatter everywhere!) my oh has totally backed off. I understand sex is not on the cards (wouldn't want it anyway) but I get no kisses, no cuddles, no caring all. The same thing happened last pregnancy and I was lucky to get my figure back very quickly, oh quickly changed not only did he want sex but all the love and intimacy came back. But it isn't really love if its based on appearance is it? what if I don't get my figure back? What if I was in an accident and was disfigured or something? does that mean id never deserve to be treated with kindness and love again? Im sure some of it is hormones and of course oh just says im stroppy and hormonal but I get so sick of no one loving me or caring. Im huge and uncomfortable and knackered have not enjoyed this pregnancy and feel so frightened of whats ahead. Sad to say not bonded very well with it.im sure I will feel all the love I felt first time when its in my arms but at the moment just wish I could bury my head under my pillow and forget all of what is coming.
my oh works really long hours, away lots of the week, I work 3 shifts, juggle lo. feel distanced from my friends and life feels such hard work. lo had a bug last couple of days and I caught a touch of it, was up in the night and vomiting which at 33 weeks makes you feel awful. My oh was late for work and made me sort out lo's diarrhoea then never even rang to see how we were. When he got home he asked if id been at work that day, as he couldn't remember and would I like fish and chips for tea. He clearly didn't even remember.
Today we have a rare weekend with lo at his grandma's so we had a bit of a relax yesterday. Now I am having a big clean through and oh is supposed to be sorting the nursery, doing stuff for the house. nothing ever gets done as he's never here. But he's woken up with lo's bug and its like he's dying, he cant possibly get out of bed. I know he is poorly and it feels horrible but this is all the time we have and I wish he could rally a little bit we are always bottom of the list, he'll be back at work tomorrow, away all week, we wont have this child free time again. Im supposed to pander to him when he didn't even care I was ill.
Im sorry to be so miserable - we're very lucky to have 2 healthy children, but I just feel so down. Im going to try and convince oh to have tomorrow off to do a few bits when he feels better but im sure work will take priority again. I know it puts a roof over our heads but the hours are ridiculous and they never seem to reward him. Its all; you can have a nice company car (eventually) or a better phone (as if that helps me). or they tell him to take me out for a meal on the company credit card - I don't care about this, I want him here helping me. he wont even tackle them head on about paternity leave and I can see myself alone with a newborn and a toddler.
29/06/2014 at 21:31
30/06/2014 at 07:25
Hey hun I remember with my first he became very distanced, told me he was sick of hearing me talk about baby stuff. We did nothing but argue all the time but when she arrived he was the best dad ever. Have to admit he kinda lost interest with this one aswell till shit hit the fan when found out I had to have a c sec then he realised hed b at home on his own with our first while I was in hospital and that is need lots of help at home. He was great. Now he's working long hours n I'm at home with the kids all the time so I just kinda get on with it. Have u tried telling him how u feel? Sending lots of hugs x
02/07/2014 at 11:37
You have my sympathy hun, my oh runs his own company and works 7 days a week, he's never home before 10pm and its really hard as I also work nearly full time too. Mine is very affectionate so I can't complain there but on the practical front forget it. He also thinks I'm superwoman and can do absolutely anything and everything!!!!!!
The only advice I can give you, is what I do is to sort of live my life as if he didn't exist and then treat any time he does spend with us as a bonus......it might sound daft, but it has stopped me feeling grumpy with him all the time! X x x x
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