Family Life & Relationships <
30/12/2018 at 22:39
Long post alert. But help needed......
Me and my husband had been together 12 years and only married last year. We'd always had a happy relationship with no major ups or downs but I've always felt a small percent of insercurity in the relationship until he'd asked me to have a family and seal the deal with the wedding last year. He'd been the perfect man, always saying the right things and acting the right way. After the wedding we started trying for a baby.
We had a pregnancy scare in January and soon after that he'd started acting odd. When questioned he'd said he wanted to slow things down (now I know that meant seperate completely!) but as luck would have it, we fell pregnant soon after (without even really trying). It was a tough beginning for me emotionally with the pregnancy as I knew he was off with everything but as it went on he seemed ok but then 6 months in, he left me 😔 He said he didn't love me anymore, after seemingly loving me so much only last year! He now says he may never of really loved me completely yet he'd always told me how much i meant to him and that he did love me! I've questioned whether it's another women and he explicitly says it's not. It's apparently not a mid crisis either.
the birth was a traumatic emergency c-section which didn't help with my emotions and now I feel like I'm spinning out of control and can't see the light. I should be so happy but I just can't understand how someone could be "so in love", ask you to have a baby and start a family, marry you and then leave you 6 months pregnant and then say that they may never of loved you and that my whole relationship may have just been a lie now. When I've said that though his response is how could I have faked my feelings for 12 years, of course I loved you....
none of this makes sense to me!
He wants to be there for the baby still but I am completely broken by what's happened and don't know how to move on or find closure and happiness and cope with becomming a first time mum and single mother too!
im really struggling, please help 😔
03/01/2019 at 09:31
I cant tell you what your husband really felt its impossible to know. But it is totally understandable that you are struggling with a newborn after a traumatic birth. I totally recomend speaking to your health visitor, you are at risk of post natal depression and they often have a mental health team available. I went through a difficult time after the birth of my son and the health visitors were fantastic, came and chatted and offered loads of support.
i also recomend contacting home start if its available in your area, local volunteers will come to your home and help with baby or help you shop for a couple hours a week or even just be someone to talk too.
try and get out. Sure start centres offer lots of free groups and baby peep is really good for you and baby
i got divorced when my children were 3 and 5 and it was very hard, i had been with my husband 10 years and i really struggled with it mentally even though it was my decision to walk away due to violence in the relationship. My friends got me through it and keeping busy.
in terms of baby and your ex try to encourage contact, but work out what you feel happy with. Its a good opportunity for you to have a break. I suggest that he sees the baby away from you of possible. You need time to adjust and seeing him at hour own home with baby will only make you wonder what could have been. So even if he could take baby out for a couple hours that would be better. You may be happy with him taking baby overnight once a week but if you ate not try to come up with something that works for you.
you will never get the answers you need, you just have to try to move on, taking one day at a time. I can tell you it will be ok and you will get through it x
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