Family Life & Relationships <
08/09/2015 at 17:08
Ok need to vent a little.I am a first time mother to a beautfil 4 months old LG and I am so in love with her its crazy. Unfortunatley though I havent been enjoying the last 4 months as much as I should be due to some some might say little but I say big problems with my partners family.It all started when I announced I was pregnant. It suddenly became all about them and how much they will love her, how they made remarks like 'I know its your baby but I keep thinking its mine' 'oh what a lucky wee girl to have me as her granny' 'you dont need to spoil her thats my job' - if I mentioned my family at all about anything it was 'I wont be very happy about that' etc etc..But when she was born it all blew up! All I heard was 'oh I love her already' 'I havent felt like this from having my own children' 'I could rare her/I wish she was mine' (mum + aunt) - she takes her good looks from us, she gets her goodness from us, 'Im getting the same feelings for ------- as you are' 'my wee princess' - if I said anything like oh she is just my world - it was repeated maybe 10 secs later by them. It seems suddenly now that they are involved a new mothers joy is no longer as important as it is.. they cant stand the fact that she isnt their baby and they just wont back off. If my daughter finds me in a room she will be turned around in another direction so she cant find me.. if she doesng calm until I take her and someone says 'oh she knows her mummy' and she as much as looks at his mum after it will be 'oh she knows me doesnt she' or if I got her a lovely outfit and someone comments on it she will then comment on something she bought saying oh thats lovely on her and really suits her... I just cant take it.. we were at my grans funeral and were getting messages sayimg 'I hope my grandaughters ok' or if anyone as much as shares a photo of baby on fb it will be 'love her so much my wee honey' EVERYTHING is a competition and I just cannot take anymore. I cannot love my daughter as a mother does without someone saying they love her just as much as I do and so on.. am I crazy to be threatened and anxious about all of this? Should I be backing off and letting them take my baby on their own etc? I am also breastfeeding which hasnt went down nicely with them! This is just the tip of the iceburg to I am just 2 exhausted 2 type it all!I have now been to m doctor and been diagnosed with PND and anxiety and am now on anti depresants etc. How do I make this stop? Can anyone else relate? The next thing will be xmas.. I have no doubt they are planning the whole santa thing (much to my dismay) and will try compete with us and my partner is useless when it comes to helping.. he never does anything about it and doesnt even listen when I try talk to him about it..Sorry for the long post.
08/09/2015 at 23:35
Hi, I defiantly feel for you but it does sound as if you have loving and excited in laws, what does hubby think? Is this behaviour different from how they react to other grand babies or are you blessed with the first?
Also don't be to hard on yourself, the first baby in the first year is always a rollercoaster - so much so I believe anti depressants could be given to 99% of new parents! Pnd is no joke and take meds seriously, my point is you are not alone, most parents feel anxious etc, just try to go with the flow where baby is concerned.
Where the in laws are concerned you do have choices ( it would be best coming from hubby tho as they are his family) you can ask them to back off as you feel crowded, you can point out the baby is in fact your daughter but you are sure she loves all her family, or you can get defensive and saythe back off or else but I think that causes more problems in long run...
As to Xmas, that's up to you and your hubby to plan, don't be afraid to say no! It's your first Xmas with baby too and such special times can never be repeated so make the memories you want to make - in laws day could be boxing day - after a granny free Xmas day maybe? Just explain how you both feel the quiet family Xmas is right this yr!
I'd also sayto pick the battles you want to argue on, it sounds like gran and aunty are trying to one up each other, not you! I'd sit back and watch / listen to them and see....might be entertaining lol but I wouldn't get too fussed about fb comments etc - if you are just limit the pictures that get posted! ( or post so only you can see them lol)
Best wishes xx
20/11/2017 at 23:44
Hiya.. I think we all have the same problem.. my boyfriends mother has grandchildren already her daugthers all have children but it's the first boy that had a child.. this is the first grandchild on my side so my parents are more of him then his family does.. and I think they are getting really jealous of that.. as we are currently leaving with my parents cause we are saving for a house of our own. So it does get to his mother.. we do make time one a week to go visit but it takes up or time to spend as a family as my partner works full time and has two days off a week. So I don't get to see much of him either.. date night has stopped for us cause we are spending the majority of the day sitting round talking bout nothing really.. I've said it a hundred times to my partner in just explaining it to his mother but it's frustrating cause I don't think he has at all.. we are both people pleasers but we aren't pleasing ourselves. It's putting a strain on outbreaks relationship cause I know that's his family and I respect that but I don't see his mother coming to visit us. I prefer to say something to her if I have to but that's my place but if something is said to me I know I won't back down but it would be better coming from him.
Any advice would be great.. as I could really do with it.. ??
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