Family Life & Relationships <
10/09/2015 at 14:59
Hi all, ive just joined this cause im stuck in what to do right now! Now although i accept there will be mixed views on this i am FUMING!
My childs father has from day one of pregnancy, never bothered with our child, has done drugs, constantly been unfaithful, been violent and angry in front of our young boy and the same goes for his family have been exactly the same! He struggles with mental health issues which have always been an excuse, as he has also blamed me for him not being able to cope on the fact i didnt have an abortion as he asked me too simply cause i dont agree with it at all. Now we have been apart for the majority of this year, he has constantly played with my emotions saying he wants me back and then he loves someone else etc etc, but none of this bothers me in the fact that i dont love him anymore all want is for him to stop dropping his son every five minutes just because things arent going his way. Its become insanely tiring and im sick of seeing my son have to be let down by him, now he has split from his most recent fling he has decided he wants to be in his life again, to which i have now told him if he is serious about this then he should take legal proceedings to make a more stable Arrangement around this situation as it obviously isnt working the way we have been doing it. Because of me saying this he has now called the social services on me for refusing him access, i cannot believe it! In all my life i find it hard to believe that trying to do whats best for your son only ends up getting further aggravations. Can someone please advise me in what i should do next? I am still waiting for a phone call or visit from them..
10/09/2015 at 19:26
I'd get in first and get some advice as to where you both stand...if he has issues is he stable/ clean enough to care adequately for your son?
Keep a diary, what he says does, pays you and acess appts he attends & misses...it will come in very handy should any department need to know what's going on ( and believe me - most will need specific dates/ times etc)
If he has been abusive to you or your son you should be able to access legal aid to set up a visitation schedule / access agreement and organise his maintainence payments ( does he pay u or thru CSA?)
I'd look into all of the above to safegaurd your son against dads influences / changeable attitude to being a parent and now the malicious calls to child services shows what kind of game he is prepared to " play" I'd get prepared to " play" too.
And plz don't worry, and calls made to any department that are proven to be false claims or have malicious intent will count against him should solicitor or courts ever be involved.
Best wishes to you can
10/09/2015 at 19:32
Sorry, hit wrong button !
You can do this xx I'm sure if he was consistently keeping appts with your son there would be no issue with you sorting a more stable agreement however it sounds like he likes to be selfish and likes intimidating people so id defiantly be prepared.... It never hurts to hope for the best but prepare for the worst!
10/09/2015 at 20:36
i think you've done the right thing by saying he needs to take legal proceedings- at the end of the day you're not using your son as a weapon- you have genuine concerns for your sons wellbeing and he needs stability and routine.
My ex was abusive and threatened to kidnap my son so I immediately said he would need to go to court and any access would need to be supervised. That was 3 years ago and he still hasn't made any eff
10/09/2015 at 20:41
Balls hit reply lol sorry.
...he still hasn't made the effort. He sends emails and I save them- he has never once asked about how he's doing (he's started and finished preschool as well as starting big school) he tries to manipulate me and I'm not having it.
also once I set up Csa he called the police and told them I had been letting a strange man inappropriately touch my son. when they came knocking on my door they knew he was full of it but they obviously had to see it through.
Youre doing the right thing- looking out for your son! If you need someone to talk to then I'm here but don't doubt yourself! X
10/09/2015 at 21:18
Thank you Ladies, im glad i am not being seen as in the wrong here as he is forever saying all i do is use him as a weapon but i dont feel i do, just remind him of his sons existence for a reality check and up until now hes never cared! i dont understand how these men get off on living there life and then out the blue deciding they want access it doesnt feel right to me. I know in his eyes he feels its because he has moved on with a new partner but it couldnt be further from the truth, of course i want her no where near my son for the near future but its sickening that he all of a sudden wants his son now a new relationship has come about! Obviously trying to prove a point. I am yet to hear from social services so i guess all i can do is wait! Xxx
10/09/2015 at 21:20
Oh and also i have started making a log of our conversations thank you for that advice x
11/09/2015 at 10:48
My best friends relationship ended and her once lovely hubby moved out ( in with a 23 yr old) and sold their house from under her, as she had let him Handel everything to do with the household bills etc she hadn't even realised her name wasn't on the mortgage / house paperwork ! He also vanished for a year before demanding to see his 2 kids so I have learned ALOT from their situation..
I hope it all works out for you x here if you need a rant x
11/09/2015 at 19:53
Hey my child's father was similar keep logs and if they ask why your not comfortable with him seeing him say because his drug use. Also here in the states if a parent goes three months with out trying to contact or see their child its called abandonment and can loose their rights .
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