Family Life & Relationships <
05/11/2014 at 06:59
Hi I'd like to start by saying I know this man is the father to my child.
There is absolutely no doubt in my mind whatsoever.
I was with a man whom I believed was single (turns out he's a lying cheating pig!) Shortly after finding out I was pregnant ( found out unexpectedly at five weeks) he decided that I should get rid as it would (in his words) 'ruin his life' I honestly felt I could not get rid of my baby after telling him I knew the situation wasn't ideal but I wanted my baby and after many lengthy discussions about the fact that he thought his ex (who turned out not to be his ex at all) would stop him from seeing his other child and how him not giving me any support wasn't helping I moved to live with my mum about 3 hours away.
I was 20 when I found out so being around my mum when I had no support was exactly what I needed. Little did I know that whilst I was getting this support my baby's father was running around telling everyone the baby wasn't his. We'd slept together once and I was crazy and a stalker. That he hadn't even slept with me that we'd only actually met once and all these other lies.
Fast forward to me being 6 months he's cut off all contact with me completely and demanded a DNA test. I instantly agreed as I thought brilliant a chance to clear my name and prove he is the dad. I don't think he expected me to agree though as I think he offered it in the hopes that I'd say no and he'd be forever off the hook
My gorgeous daughter Anabelle was born on the 31/07/2014.
Around 3 days later a friend of his went up to one of my friends in the street demanding he admit he was my baby's father. Which is complete bogus because I'd been dating this boy more than three months before I'd even got my baby's dad's number!
My mum phoned up and spoke to Anabelle's dad as I was too emotional after the birth to deal with it I just wanted to look after my baby. He said to my mum that he wanted a DNA test to which my mum said okay we'll pay for half of it or if you can't afford it we'll save up and pay for all of it. He refused both of these suggestions and said no if she's my daughter I want to pay for all of it. We asked him repeatedly if he was sure and he said yes.
3 and a half months later and he hasn't saved a a penny. When I asked him about it about a month ago he didn't even reply. I'm trying to do what is best for my daughter and I'm not sure if I even want a man like that in my daughter's life. But I know one day she will turn to me and ask about her dad. I don't want to tell her who her dad is ( I won't slate him in front of her as that's not fair on her she will need to make up her own mind on him) but I also don't want him to deny her all over again but to her face.
I want her to know I did everything I could. Now I know if I apply for csa and he dents parentage he will be forced to do a DNA test. The problem is I don't want to apply for csa and him then just say I'm just after money and still make me out to be the bad person.
Can anyone suggest anything please?
It's been playing on my mind for so long.
05/11/2014 at 07:02
Sorry that should say I do want to tell her who her dad is but I don't want him to deny it to her.
05/11/2014 at 17:14
What an ordeal for you! It sounds to me however that you have your priorities right and you are putting little Annabelle first.
I think this DNA test NEEDS to be done. For your name to be cleared and clarity for everyone involved.
I also think Annabelle's father needs to contribute emotionally and financially to her upbringing. Shame on him for not accepting any responsibility!
Pursue the test is my advice and arrange via CSA a steady income for Annabelle. You are right to not deny Annabelle of a father, but at the same time you are protecting your little sweetheart from any future heartache, which I can entirely understand.
It sounds to me that your Mum is a great support to you, so in times of disbelief at 'his' behaviour and not knowing what to do for the best, seek advice from Mum, they always know best.
Good luck and enjoy every second of parenthood, its the best!
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