Toddlers & Older Children <
24/11/2014 at 23:04
Hi I have a six year old son and his dad has had hardly anything to do with him since being a baby, we split when he was six months old and he never really showed any interest after that! On odd occasions he would decide he would like to see him and I would let him for him only to let my son down ! Recently he popped up again after two years asking to see him, baring in mind the last time he did this I had to sit with a very upset little boy who was heartbroken and couldn't understand why his daddy didn't turn up! Today my son asked about his daddy again and why he didn't get to see him, I explained that sometimes some daddy's are very hard workers and although they love their children they sometimes don't have enough time to see them .. He was quite understanding but also I could see the sadness In his eyes .. What do I do? Do I allow his dad access one last time risking him breaking my sons heart even more or do I keep going this way and have my son wondering why his daddy isn't around like everybody else's :( open to advise! Very stuck on this!
25/11/2014 at 01:02
Hi sarah... I think your answer you gave to your son was great.... You did absolutely the right thing in not badmouthing your ex to your son (however hard that might be!).
As a social worker I see this kind of thing often & understand how complex a situation it can be. You have your son's best interests at heart... But that involves a careful balance between protecting his feelings from potential hurt whilst understanding the importance of him having a connection with his father if at all possible.
If both your son & ex want contact but you are (understandably) concerned about his reliability... how about starting off smaller.... Maybe ask your ex to write to your son (perhaps not even tell your son to start with just incase your ex doesnt follow through with it). Im sure your son will be delighted to have a letter as what he really will be wanting to know is that his dad thinks of him.
I would suggest doing letters back and forth (your could help your son write back) & see how that goes for a little while. If all goes good, Letters are positive & your ex shows committment to this then you could look at moving onto direct contact when the time is right.
hope this helps!
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