Toddlers & Older Children <
08/11/2008 at 22:14
Hollie has recently started being quite aggresive towards me, she isnt as bad with Ian but i am at my wits end as to how to stop it.
We used to go to a toddler group in the church and she was the youngest there, all the others were around 2 years of age and most were boys. They seemed to be quite boisterous and rough with each other and on many occassions i saw a couple of them push Hollie to the ground to avoid her going to play with toys they wanted. I have stopped going now but i think the damage has been done, she has also become rough with other children who are smaller than her. I really dont want her growing up as a bully
She smacks me across the face when i am holding her and i really dont know how to stop it. She does it for no apparent reason although sometimes it is because i have told her off for doing something else. I have tried moving her hands away but she fights back and screams, which ends up in a massive temper. I have tried saying no, putting her down and this results in her tugging on my trousers and screaming for me to pick her back up. The thing is no matter what i do she still does it again.
She doesnt seem to do it with Ian, but earlier we were lying in bed watching tv and she was sat in the middle. She slapped me across the face and we both said no, Ian told her she was naughty and she burst into tears and tried to cuddle into me. He is telling her as much as me not to do it, but it still isnt working.
She has also started headbutting because she thinks it is funny. We were sat on the settee earlier and she for no reason without warning headbutted me. And i know she is only small but it really really hurt. I told her no and put her on the floor and once again we had a huge temper.
can anyone advice me because i am sitting here day after day watching my little girl turning into a monster.
she has been particularly bad today as she decided to get up at 2.30 am last night so she has been a nightmare all day because she is tired.
08/11/2008 at 22:29
I have a headbutter and a biter!!!
Ive found with jack that alot of the time its down to tiredness and frustration that he cant communicate what he wants and weve starte to pick up what leads to these outbursts and talk him down as simply as possible until he feels hes made us understand what he wanted, at the end of an AWFUL episode he shouted dad NO! we realised he hadnt liked a voice andrew had been making.
I know how heart braking it can be with other children, and i risk sounding like mummy with rose tinted glasses, but in this inccident i dont think he knew what he was doing, On holiday jack had a light up maraca and kept showing people and shiking it franticly, hes used to older toddlers kids aswell and he ran upto a little girl in a stroller a shook it at her laughing did it again but hit her, her ad ripped the maraca from him sent him flying called him a b**tard and me sh*t mum! i barely had time to say no but i now find myself keeping him away from other kids as this pretty much ruined my holiday i cried for like 2hrs afterwards (hormonal) and we kept seeing the faily after that and the guy actually sed to wife, watch it that little thugs over there!
As for disipline, its a total nightmare either results in sobbing and the temper being lost again or he laughs in my face and runs away, we tell him no until we r blue in the face and he just repeats and repeats until i distract him
I spoke to the HV and she said hes too young to understand disipline fully but try looking sad and giving other child, oh a big hug and fussing over the saying did jack make you sad? this usually has jack run over and offer a kiss, so im thinking it may be a breakthrough!
Also at jacks monkey music class there are 4 other little ones born the same month, and there all doing the same, and HV have all said its because they cant communicate and sometimes they just fancy trying somethin to see what happens!
trust me you are far from alone, when my sister was one there wasnt a day went by she didnt draw blood on me or mum,
hopefuly if she gets a bit more sleep tonight it will help xxx
08/11/2008 at 22:35
Ok I havn't reached this stage with Isabelle yet but im sure I will.
I would try to ignore her if she has a temper and try doing a bit of timeout,put her in a room where she is safe(but not her bedroom as she will associate this with punishment)and leave her for 1 minute and then go back to her. Hopefully she will soon realise that her tempers are not having any effect on anyone.
I would be inclined to get her back into a mums and tots group as you need her to mix with other children. Maybe speak to your HV and see if she knows of any more groups you could try with children her own age.
Good luck and I hope this helps xx
08/11/2008 at 22:41
Thanks Laura i really apppreciate that advice. I said to Ian tonight that she does seem fairly frustrated at the moment as she is unable to speak and tell me what it is she wants.
On many occassions when she has hit me and i have told her no she has given me a kiss as if she is aknowledging the ticking off and apologising. I know it is going to be hard as she doesnt fully understand what i am saying and therefore cant understnad why i want her to stop hitting me.
She has her mmr on tuesday so i will have a word with her hv then too, and see what she says.
It doesnt look like she is going to get much sleep again tonight, she has been crying on and off since 9 when she went to bed. It sounds like she is drifting into sleep then waking up crying for a couple of seconds, then sleeping again and so forth. Looks like our good sleeping phase is now well out the window and Ian is in work tonight so it is me that is having to deal with her.
08/11/2008 at 22:43
08/11/2008 at 22:50
Thats ok, its not much fun this phase, but its good to know there not the only ones doing it!
Jacks also unsettled tonight, ill be thinking of you as i run up and down stairs, good luck xx
08/11/2008 at 23:04
I hate it so much when parents don't pull thier kids up for harming another child at the group I went to on tues this little girl pulled isabelles arm really hard and I asked her to not to hurt her and her mum saw and never said a word!what is wrong with some people???
My HV told my friend that you should timeout the child a minute for every yr of their age which is why I said 1 minute for Hollie. I have a feeling supernanny says this too!! If it's good enough for herI hope the MMR jab dosn't unsettle her too much.
08/11/2008 at 23:19
09/11/2008 at 10:47
Isabelle did this, sadly the only way to deal with it was to remain calm and ignor her and if others are around get them just to take her away from you. They do this to see how far they can get away with things and to try to control you. I used to get reall upset but you are best just walking away from her. Or just calmly telling her that it is bad then walking away.
I hope you dont get to upset, thinking of you.
09/11/2008 at 12:48
Hi Karen, I'm afraid i can't help much as hollie is older than jd so I've got that to come.....
He was biting tho and i just put him straight down on the floor, just said NO BITING in a firm voice and walked away. Took a while and he's now stopped. I'll try it with whatever he does, hitting etc and see if it works with that too?
Hope you're both ok today and you manage a good sleep with her tonight. Take care x x x
09/11/2008 at 13:41
Jen i hate it too, because both Ian and I want Hollie to grow up respecting people and their property and it really doesnt help when i tell her one thing and she then sees kids get away with another. I hope the jab doesnt affect her either, but i will be giving her some calpol before we go then she will most likely sleep it off in the afternoon.
Laura, how did Jack sleep last night? I gave up at 11.30 and went in to get Hollie as she hadnt slept longer than 5 minutes without waking and crying. The poor girl was standing in her cot asleep with her head on the bar, no wonder she kept waking up. She was still screaming when she was out of the cot, so i gave her some calpol and she settled well after that and slept until 7am. I didnt though because Ian woke me when he came home from work by switching the lights on
Thanks linz, it is quite upsetting watching how aggressive she is becoming. I know it is more than likely a phase but she just cant understand why i want her to stop, and she thinks it is one big game.
Sarah, Hollie used to bite me too and i used the put down and say no method. She soon learnt with that and no longer bites me, but has decided instead to smack and headbut me which the word no doesnt seem to be working with.
09/11/2008 at 13:48
09/11/2008 at 21:45
Lol at Jack having 3 muslins. I am so glad that Hollie isnt attached to anything in particular, although sometimes i think it may well be easier if she had some sort of comorter.
Hollie has gone straight to sleep tonight, so hoping we get a better night out of her. I have a feeling we have a couple more teeth on the way so i have given her a small dose of ibuprofen tonight and it helped settle her. She has seemed in pain this afternoon with her teeth but i darent look in her mouth to see because she has 6 already and uses them quite well.
09/11/2008 at 22:07
09/11/2008 at 22:17
He only developed his love for them at about 13-14mnths! before they were about as sick cloths etc or emergency bibs... now hes obsessed we have a stacker box (yes a whole stacker box i brought 24 then family gave us loads) with them in and one day he sat next to it pulling them out one by one rubbing them on his face going arhhh!
Those teething powders are fantastic, cant recomend them enough!
Lol karen i dont blame you for not wanting to look, also have some teething going on here molas i think but were up2 13 teeth so a little scary! ill just hope he shows me lol
09/11/2008 at 22:58
09/11/2008 at 23:32
09/11/2008 at 23:35
10/11/2008 at 14:21
Hollie liked sucking the corner of a muslin when she was younger but doesnt bother with them now.
I have used the powder too and think it works ok, that is when we get it anywhere near her mouth. Last time i gave it to her she knocked it out my hand struggling so it ended up on the floor. I try not to use anything with her though unless she is really bad, so in the daytime i usually just distract her from it, unless she is in a lot of pain and only tend to use a dose before bed.
She cried today when i told her no, but she has stopped smacking as much so hoping we are getting through to her.
10/11/2008 at 14:36
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