well i had the day from hell yesteday!!! Very rarely post to moan about Daisy cus she is my life and to be fair we have had a rough time of it since the day she was born!!!! But i except that she was a difficult baby and will be a difficult toddler and most prob be a difficult child (or so the wise words od christopher green in toddler taming tellme!) After being a regular user on be i cant help but compare my childs behaviour or eating sleeping patterns etc. since having daisy my friend had a baby 7 weeks after Ruby is what the baby whisperer refers to as an angel baby. she is a real sweetie beautiful kind gentle and well behaved very cautious doesnt run anywhere aftually she might run ive just never seen her. if you tell her no she stops and she would never go out of her mums sight too afraid. where as daisy is what the baby whisperer refers to as a spirited baby!!! she does not give a shit!!! she is fearless runs everywhere has never ate or slept well and i can say no a hundred times and she will still do it laughing as hse does it. she will climb jump and bolts out the door if given half a chance We went out for sunday dinner once me and my friends our husbands and the girls . ruby sat and ate no bib required let her mom spoon feed her and had a little go with her pudding herself. daisy had a tantrum about going in the chair threw every thing she was offered on the floor was covered in food although very little passed her lips and bolted out the door as soon as he was released from the chair!!!!! They are so different but we try to go to soft play or each others houses every few weeks so the girls can play. I have footage from last year when daisy wa sfirst trying to crawl where she was launching hersef at ruby trying to get her and how we laughed!!!

Now yesterday was a bad day for many reasons .mainly cus daisy is soooooo demanding i never get time to get anything done so no paperwork or bills etc gets filed away like it should or used to be and my baby brain never went away and i cant remeber where i put thingfs. so my car broke down i needed to get it to a garage it needed mot and service and i couldnt find any of relevant paperwork my dad came round to look at car told me to ring dvla to which i had an automated service offering me a hundred irrelevant options with daisy screaming and tantruming and clinging to my leg (you get my drift) one very stressfull hour later my friend said she would come to mind and watch daisy for an hour whilst we took my car to garage and we would go to soft play later!!

now in the short time i wa ssorting some things out before i left all i could here was my friend saying no daisy dont pull at her or leave her or that wasnt nice and it made me feel so sad. i have always told my friends to tell daisy off especially if she is ignoring me as sometimes she behaves for them. anyway we went to the soft play but both girls were too tired and they were rubbing eyes etc. daisy will never get in and was happy to play. we tried to give the girls lunch but both were too tired to eat. we ended up going home and i intended putting daisy straight to bed but my friend had got her a reward chart and wanted to give it to me. now she has spoke of this reward chart before now and i said dais was too young for it she said she been using it on ruby for weeks and its great BUT i cannot stress they are 2 totally different personalities. at 19 months i cannot get daisy to understand that this sticker book is a reward stcker and that she is not allowed to have it!!!!! unlike her sticker books she normally has which she sticks all over the house . this resulted in an almighty tantrum over this friggin reward chart and after 5 mins of me trying to reason and explain to her she just hrew herself on the floor!!!! so i took her up to bed and tried to get her to go to sleep as she was soooo overtired. stupid of me but i wasnt thinking staright and obviously she just went into even more of a hissy fit. i picked her up cuddled and lay her back down a few times till she vomitted everywhere!!! at which i stripped her changed her and rocked her over my shoulder to sleep as i sobbed and sobbed an sobbed!!!!!! why was i crying????? cus i felt like id ruined everyones day. lots of little things she did such as snatching and then throwing or having screaming hissy fits over ridiculous things just lenghtened the tme it took to do anything. i know for daisy to be at her best she should sleep at 11 am but it means i end up doing nothing inthe day as by the time she has woke and had lunch its afternoon and other kids are coming out of school etc . i know that daisy was in her territory with her toys so her behaviour is always gonna be worse and i know she is adorable in so many ways but i was embarasssed at her behaviour and her tantrums. my friend will often say things like ruby knows when i say no i mean it and i wont stand for it and she is so right but i feel like a shit mom and a failure as if im not doing thngs right do you know what i mean??? My friend is in no way being funny with me it is how i feel. But i do wonder if she went home thinking i dont really want the girls seeing each other again.

lol i read the toddler taming book whilst away from cover to cover and have started toddler whisperer i tried some of the distraction techniques but i felt like i was ignoring the bad behaviour or i felt my friend wa sthinking i was ignoring the bad behaviour!!


Oooh anyway the reason for my very long post was 1 therapy for me so thank you for reading and well done if you got this far
and 2 to sympathise and offer my heart warmed sypathy if any of you are suffering form toddler tantrums .
oh and 3 to those of you who have an angel type child you dont know how bloody lucky you are lol!!!!!

aww try not to get upset by it! my lo was also like this, very energetic and disobedient! he would never sit with anyone (as soon as he could walk!) he always had to be doing something! he would also run off when walking outside or sit down and refuse to move unless we went where he wanted! i also used to feel that my friends children were extremely well behaved in comparison! and i understand how you can feel embarrased about constant bad behavior!
however as hes got older (now 26 months) hes got sooo much better, he seems to have a better understanding now and knows hes not going to get away with it! it will get better!

however i do have a book i found really usefull that helps you understand them a bit better, rather than the ones that claim to 'change your child' :lol:

if you email me your address il send it to you, im finished with it x

bless ya zoey thanks x i have said many times do you think daisy has ocd or adhd or similar behaviour problems to lee and friends and our friends all say is one and she has lots of character. but she does have very strange 'ways' as me and lee call it. like if she does things once she has to do it a hundred times the same way and if one person does something like wind a toy up she wont let anyone else do it but the same person . she has started high fiving people to the point of ridiculous ness every one anywhere. cute but strange! she never ever ever keeps still unless she engrossed in the tv which her current fad is pepppa pig has been for weeks and nothing else is aloud on if anything else is on she snorts at the telly picks the remote up and goes urrghh!!!! she is also very clumsey would trip over fresh air. we recently went to cypruc for 2 weeks and it was great. her behaviour was great actually still had her funny ways infact they were worse but she loved sitting on the beach playing in the sand and water and it was afe too cus sh erarely hurt herself when she fell over. so yes zoey it has crossed my mind but a bigger part of me thinks ive just got one of those really nosey lively fearless children and when stood next to areally well behaved one makes mine look like the devil in disguise!!!

xemx thank you for your words too im a hairdresser and hear many a story such as yours and always gives me hope!!! would you really post me the book i would be grateful or you could give me the name and ill get it. xx

So sorry you have had a bad day, i know the feeling. Infact i think our toddlers would be a perfect match for each other!
e.g. we were at the hospital today seeing the pediatrician and were kept waiting for AGES!!! During this time my dd (19m) ran around a load of poor old people with walking sticks scaring the living daylights out of them like it was a slalom course screaming her lungs out while i chased her like a complete stressed out idiot!
Also your description of going out for dinner sounds very familiar... We don't have any family or friends around us as we have just moved for dh's work so we go everywhere together! On the odd occasion we are brave enough to venture out for dinner it is bloody stressful. My dd also regularly has a fit at the sight of a highchair and screams (deafening) throughout the whole meal usually. Infact i have noticed that the restaurant actually puts on music when we come in!!!! lol.
Lucky for me my sis in law was also was preg at the same time and has a dd two weeks apart from mine. Perhaps she means well??????? but she constantly lets me know how great at everything her dd is. I am not the competitive type so try not to get involved and i know my dd is doing great anyway but I do understand how frustrating it must be for you with your friend giving out well meaning advice but perhaps not realising how different children can be even at similar ages.
Not sure if this is of any help but throught my dd's antics might give you a laugh anyway;\)

Hun, I don't have time to reply properly now, I've got to get Millie to school, but Daisy is tottaly, completely normal. Toddlers that do as they are told and sit nicely are the odd ones!! I will come back later and tell you all the things I thought when reading your post, but for now, big hugs xx

yay im sorry reading this i was thinking its caitlin yay, my baby isnt the toddler from hell, shes a normal toddler.

I know how you feel, at the minute caitlin is playing with the remote, i have told her no, is she listening nope, her brother is the same god help me with the third eekkkkk.

You are a great mother n daisy is normal hun i promise, these toddler tamer books make me laugh i swear i cant relate to any of them.

I dont have perfect kids, i have a hyper 6 year old that never shuts up, n a stroppy toddler who does want she wants arghhhhhh maybe number 3 will be a perfect little baby n fabby toddler but i doubt it.

Dont get down, remember you have a lot on your plate, i would take daisy if we lived nearer to give you a break, caitlin loves toddlers like her lol, although imagine the mischief they could get into lol x

remember ur a great mum with a demanding gorgeous little princess/devil toddler lol

thats fine honestly, if you email me your address ill send it. its called honey i wrecked the kids, when yelling, screaming, threats, time-outs, sticker charts and removing all privileges all dont work. :lol:
it sounds slightly extreme, and its not actully a dig that we have wrecked are kids lol.
its written by a psychotherapist, but its quite interesting to read! it explains rather than teaches!

Can I just second what bedhead and others have said....

she sounds totally normal to me.

I have had 5 kids and they are all so different even though I bring them up the same.
My first was fiesty but calmed down (she is 18 now and lovely)
2nd was a 'good' baby and toddler but at 3 he started been a bloody nightmare and was diagnosed with ADHD and dyslexia/dyspraxia by the time he was 4.
3rd...colicky baby but a really good toddler and is now 5 and though he has his moments he is a good boy
4th...very good baby and toddler but by 2 a little devil..he is nearly 4 and has my life
5th is 19 months and she is feisty too.

Point I am trying to make is that they all have the same dad, same mum and the same upbringing but they are very different.

Your friend has done nothing different to you, she is as you say, just lucky!!! I have just been out with a group of mums and Amelia had hissy fits, charlie spilt a huge diet coke (mine) and fell into his pasta because he would not listen and was reaching over for his apple juice. I was strapping amelia into a highchair and she was going rigid and screaming the whole food court down (cue for me to be mortified) he asked for his juice and I said in a minute. He leaned to get it and fell into his pasta and knocked my coke over. AGHHHHHHHHH ALL and by ALL I mean another 8 kids were been really good but mine were like the Clamplitts.

I had a friend who made me feel inferior as her son was so much better behaved that Charlie. He was actually in my opinion a bit slow. He sat and ate everything he was given, did as he was told, never ran around but, he looked a bit docile! Anyway, she then had another boy quite quickly and he is a little sod. Found him weeing in one of my house plants. Serves her right for been like some sort of super nanny and always saying...ohhh max would never do this/that/the other. Ha ha ha..no sympathy from me that Ben is really really naughty.

Sticker and reward charts work when they are about 3 or older. Time out is after 2 at the very earliest.

I would spend a day alone. go out, but dont meet anyone. this way you can ignore the bad but make a HUGE fuss of even the smallest thing she does right. It may/may not work. Also, keep a food diary and see if anything is making her worse. Have you had her ears checked. Sometimes if a child has hearing problems they can be frustrated. Also her eyes are worth checking too. My first born has 50% hearing loss in one ear and 90% in the other. She had grommits in and was fine after that. Her behaviour improved and she listened to me so much more.

If non of the above work then I agree you have a spirited child. Try to look to the positive in that (I know its hard...believe me..been there/done it/had the migraine) Charlie freaks if you give him a broken biscuit. His teacher said he is just a perfectionist and will not accept things that are not perfect...easy for her to say as she does not have him to live with!!!!!!!

Even if you have had a shit day, take time to hold her, tell her you love her (even is she is pulling your hair and nipping you while you are cuddling her). Also, do speak to your GP as you may have a bit of PND that needs addressing. It is really hard to cope with a demanding kid and it takes it out of you.

good luck

d xxx

ps sorry for waffling on ....problem kids is my chosen subject if i were ever to go on mastermind...lol

hun, i know the other things going on in your life n u know any time call text email shout rant etc, i understand sometimes when we are at our lowest they just know how to push the right buttons xxx

anytime u wanna chat feel free xxx

Right, I'm back I'm propably going to forget half the things I wanted to say but here goes,
Firstly, ignore your friend and her 'perfect' child. The fact she listens to her mum has nothing to do with the way her mum says no, and is all about her personality. I can say no to Millie and she stops, I say no to Barney and he sniggers at me and carries on.
Secondly, Dee is right, she is FAR too young for reward charts. When I did the Wondernanny article for Prima Gitte told me that before 3 reward charts just don't work, if they seem to then it's pure fluke.
Thirdly, would you really want Daisy to sit and need spoon feeding at every meal? Sounds like my idea of hell :lol: how would you eat your own dinner?
Fourthly, (is that a word :lol: ) Toddlers poke each other, they push each other, in the case of my two they even occasionally head butt each other, all tottaly normal. Your friend is unrealistic to expect them to share their toys and play nicely at that age, toddlers just don't do that.
It seems to me that Daisy is the sort of child who likes to do everything herself (just like Barney) and I think the key is to find a way of accepting her individuallity (easier said than done), I also find that Barney behaves much better if I can wear him out, so I take him to places that are enclosed and let him run off! I obviously keep him within sight, but he loves 'escaping' and the excersise wears him out.
With regard to Daisy's eating I would really try and ignore it, toddlers won't let themselves starve, but at the minute meal times have turned into a great big game of wind up mummy, something toddlers love to do. If it were me I would put food down in front of her, stuff she could eat with her fingers and leave her to it. If she eats it great, if she doesn't then she can't have been very hungry!!
Please don't beat yourself up. Daisy is a tottaly normal, and I suspect very bright, little girl who is pushing boundrys because she wants to explore and experience everything. She will get more sensible as she gets older but she is at the difficult stage where their ideas far outstrip their capabilities!
Big hugs hun, hope you're feeling a bit better today.
xx

Love, haven't got time to read through everyone's posts atm so sorry if I'm repeating etc. Daisy sounds entirely normal and in fact is Reiss' female opponent lol.

Where do you live - we should meet up and see which one of them is the worse - seriously, you just described my day -clinging off me tantrumming, throwing food on teh floor etc, I went to Tescos yesterday and thought I'd have a coffee - big mistake, he stropped, tried to stab me with the fork, threw my muffin on the floor - we were in and out of there within 5 minutes lol.

If you want to chat, you know where you can find me - big hugs - I'm taking it you're not gonna offer to have Reiss any time soon lol?!xx

I think your friend is VERY VERY lucky to have such a well behaved toddler (plus you don't know what goes on behind closed doors...)!!

I think Charlotte can be classed as a"spirited" child. She throws tantrums (yesterday even nutted me), like she's wild or something. Getting her dressed & ready in the morning is becoming a real problem for me now. She hates it.

I have the Toddler Taming book too. It's very good and I do try some of the techniques.

Toddlers will try & push the boundaries to see what they will get away with. The key is to be consistent no matter what you do. No use saying one day they can't have something then next day give it to them. Keep consistent and make sure people know how you like to discipline her (remember discipline not punishment as per TT book)!!

Charlotte starts nursery on Friday to give me a break. Have you thought about putting Daisy into a playscheme or nursery? Don't let her tantrums put you off. In a different environment she may behave differenlty and let off some steam. And give you a well earned break.

Remember you are not alone in having a little monster! And crying is good - let them emotions out! xx

Hi,
just want to add sounds normal to me too - it's very hard not to compare to others - I think more so when you've only got one.
I empathise with the baby brain never having disappeared!! I find it incredibly hard to get anything done and then spend the rest of the time wondering why!!!
I also think when you are a sahm it probably gets to you more as there's no break to get your head clear. I'm only apart from Carrie for 2 hours on a Monday night to go to pilates but I find when I get home I feel a bit more able to deal with whatever might occur between bath and bed!
I think the February babies have just hit the pushing boundaries and asserting themselves phase!
xxx

I can also empathise, as I too have a spirited one! Spirited baby and now a spirited toddler! I now have a 7 month old daughter who is so different. I wouldn't go as far as 'Angel' baby, she is much easy than her brother from newborn to now. As someone said their pesonalities vary so much and it's nothing you have done.

You've had some great advice from everyone so hope you are feeling better now? And yes, definitely ignore those annoying people with their perfect toddlers..lol! x

As everyone's has said hun, you a fantastic mum n don't doubt yourself so harshly. Jason has is off days n he has his lil angel days n i just roll with the punches!!! hang on in there hun! we all here if u want to rant

oh girls if you re read this thak you for all your kind words i was just having a rant and is sooooooooo comforting to know that there are lots of you going through it. lol at tracey thinking yeah it sounds like caitlin!!!! well today ha sbeen a great day. i had my other friend round who has a 10 month old called sophie who is of similar personality and a feisty little stocky thing and she gives as good as she gets. her mum is really laid back and has tyyold me daisy is normal too!!! i think a lot of daisys thing is she likes to be centre of attention and emily my friend realsies this and gives daisy loads of attention and she behaved much better. we have played all day and daisy was bouncing off the walls till 9 pm tonight after having a late sleep at 3 till 5 today.
So in response to you girls
imt you made me laugh at the thought of the resteraunt seeing you coming!! you can just imagine what they are saying as they see you. If we go out for a meal we always go to a place that does carvery!! minimal time in highchair you order we eat we go!!!!! lol too stressful when you dont know how long the food is gonna take to come!

2aries i often think how similar lea is too daisy and i wished i live dcloser to you cus i would take lea for you for the day she would love daisy im sure and i reckon you do a fantastic job on your own i would struggle for sure if i had to do it all on my ownxx

zoey thanks for advice and yeah i take daisy swimming every week. ive been taking her for lessons since she was 14 weeks she loves it!

xemx bless you thanks i will e mail you x

de dee you make me laugh so much god knows how you ever get time to give such good advice with your brood so thank you . my friend has 3 kids and she also saysthat all 3 of them are different. now hearing i am sure is fine as she had excellent test a snewborn and she doesnt seem to miss a trick and as for eyesight she can find the smallest speck on the carpet and hand it to me so i am sure her sight is fine. after reading all your great comments i think she is perfectly normal becuse she is not the devil child all the time it is mainly when she is tired she is with other children or i stop her from doing something. i made sure i was gonna have a good day today and not an hour goes by without me smothering her in kisses so despite all the pain she puts me through i still love her more than life itself!!

bedhead thank you for all your great advice and everything you say is true and its waht i say to evry one else if im giving advice lol. i accepted daisy was difficult a long time ago its just every now and then as tracey says they push the right buttons and in a week moment and feeling exhausted i let a one year old get to me!! and no i dont want a child who is meek and timid at least daisy had courage and is strong and agile .
my lovely friends karen and tracey i would willingly take reiss and caitlin any day we should contact prima about doing a pilot scheme for baby or toddler should i say 'swap' instead of wife swap!!!!! would be brilliant i reckon! wish i lived closer to you all would be great to see you all.

carriesmom bless you i do think its a february baby thing lol ive just had a lovely email of patti about aiden and he is also going through the same thing xx

missymoo you have given me an incentive to go for no 2 lol but just not yet!
frillypink you know i always rant at you so thank you x

Hayley jc thank you you have all cheered me up xx

Wow, you are a genious... Definately going to the carvery on sunday! can't believe i never thought of that before. Remember the days when you could order two or even THREE courses??? LOL
Glad you are feeling better x

glad ur feeling better, i manage the pub for lunch but i must take paper n crayons or toys n food lots of it, drinks if i want a desert its one 4 caitlin n one 4 me lol

Aw hun, it must be so draining for you to be constantly battling with Daisy, it's no wonder you get tearful. I've cried over much less. I've not read all replies so sorry if I repeat anything.

My girls are pretty well behaved most of the time, esp in public (I'm not saying that to rub it in) but everyone sees them like that and assumes they're angels when believe me they have their little monster moments at home when there's only me to see. And I end up nearly pulling my hair out at times.

One thing that seems to work with Lily is doing a time out (but she's a bit older than Daisy) where I put her on her bed and tell her why she's there. I stay with her but don't talk or let her have toys. Gives her a chance to calm down a bit.

Do you try wearing her out by letting her get plenty of outside playtime? We have no garden and I think when girls have been in most of day they get stir crazy and start getting into trouble.

Hope things improve soon. xxx

Have you considered that your friend's child has been doped? hehe only joking! But I do think yours and mine and everyone else who's posted is the norm!

My DS looks and smirks when I saw no, but if daddy or nanny say no, he cries and runs to mummy and they're both soft touches so go ahhhh!

As for eating out, we have the messiest monster in the world, he loves his food but a lot of it does end up on the floor/wall/ceiling/other people! hehe So now we tend to go to a local pub carvery, that has a tiled floor and a fantastic salad bar where my son eats his own bodyweight for ??3! Or Pizza hut is a firm favourite and we just leave a bigger tip for the mess we leave behind! hehe