Sorry, this will be a long one.

Reece was 3 a couple of weeks ago. I have tried over several months to train him without success. When we first got the potty he sat on it, weed, said mummy Ive weed in my potty and then refused to go near it since. If you try and place him on it he just fights with you.

I've previously had a package of care from the hv but she advised me to leave it as he was having nightmares about it. He is a very clever little boy - he can read all his letters and numbers, can count piles of things up to 10, and his speech is amazing, the hv at his 2 year check said he was like a 4 year old. I think he is using the potty to control me, and that he has realised that he is getting more attention by not going on it than going on it.

This week I've decided no more nappies and it ha been a nightmare. Not one wee on the potty. I've stayed really calm though, not shown anything negative to him. The first couple of days I have tried to coax him on the potty - bribary, things in it to wee on, sitting on my knee with the potty underneath, weeing in a bucket, weeing on a plant outside but he just wont tell me when he is weeing. The first few times he was holding it in as long as possible and then doing it, but as soon as he realised that he wasnt in trouble he just wee's when he wants. I've left him in wet pants - he isnt bothered. He now doesnt give any indication that he is doing it and then just tells me to clean it up. At first I was using kitchen roll and dettol spray but Ivestopped that because he likes spraying the spray. Now I'm using the mop but its not ideal as my 9 month old is crawling everywhere so I'm trying to keep her out of the wet floor.

I've tried saying that I expect more from him and he can do better than this, no difference. He is obsessed with touching my tummy and Ive told him that he can't touch it unless he goes on the potty. No difference. I've told him that I'm too titred to keep cleaning up mess, still not bothered.

Now I am ignoring what he is doing. When he wee's I change him without speaking to him at all and clean it up without any comment, so he is not getting any attention from me for this behaviour. Then I sit his sister on the potty and sing Amber's on the potty and do big cheers. He doesnt like this one little bit, but he still wont go near it.

When we go out, he is dry. He went to my dads for 4 hours on Tuesday and my dad told him that he didnt have anything to clean the floor with and he did one wee i the whole time when he was in the bath. We've been shopping and playschool and he has had no accidents, but when we are at home he can pee every 15 minutes! He has seen his little mates use the potty and the loo but thats not having any effect. He doesnt start preschool till Sept as he just missed the Jan cut off with his birthday and doesnt go to nursery.

I have honestly never met another child that is as stubbon as he is. He was doing really well with his manners until his great gran pulled him up on not saying please and has refused point blank to say please or thank you since. He says that he cant say it.

Ive rang the hv this morning but they havent rang back. Just wondering if anyone can see anything that I am doing wrong or has any suggestions to try over the weekend. His dad is off this weekend so its going to be like having 3 kids - he doesnt like it when things dont go right!!

Any advice would be much appreciated and sorry again that its so long. Jo xx

It sounds like you've tried everything - well done for not losing your temper with him!

I was just wondering if you could get his dad involved - when dad goes for a wee, your son goes too, because that's what big boys do? Is there anyway that they can have some dad & son time? Or how about some mum & son time while dad looks after little sister? Maybe the two of you could go somewhere special and say that he must do wee in the toilet so that he doesn't spoil his clothes for your special time out?

My son didn't like the potty at all, and went straight to the toilet.

What about a sticker chart?

Hi hun,not much help,but I did not want to raed and run.Pepi is 25 months and same as your boy very very clever,yet she will not go near the potty.I started pottytrainning a month ago and she was interested in the idea until she realised that in her opinion it is too much work involved and nappies are easier.Since then she hapily tells me she is peeing or pooing in the nappy but will go hysterical if i suggest potty.She was without nappies for 2 weeks and after 2 very succesfull days when I thought wow this is easy she simply lost interset and started peeing everywhere,so after 12 or so wet and pooey days I decided to give us both a break and put her in the nappies for couple of weeks and then try again.The problem is I know she understands and could do it and simply cant be bothered and im not very keen on humouring her.This is a sensitive subject to me as I allways fought everyone in my home country where they start pottytranning at 9 to 12 months I was allways repeating what I was told here that children are not ready before 18 months and most pottytrain at 2 to 3.I was met with looks of horror.And now?All my friends 15 to 18 months old are fully pottytrained,majority also at night,and i have a wilfull toddler on my hands who is simply not interested.I am actually starting to wonder if those studdies about pottytranning toddlers instead of babies are sponsored by Pampers,lol.Somebody also told me if all else fails,a cold shower on the bum might just do the trick.Im not sure I would ever try that,but who knows how desperete will I be in a couple of months if things dont improve?Good luck hun.

Thanks for your replies. I have tried everything you have suggested and he hasnt gone for any of them. I have stuck to the reverse psychology and its driving him mad, but not enough to do anything about it. Hopefully he might crack tomorrow! I just dont know what else to do if it doesnt work, I have completely run out of ideas. Maybe the hv will have some if she ever calls back.

My nan has been on about training from about one, but she used to put her children on the potty every 15 minutes. How would you get anything else done?? Saying that Amber has weed on it today - pure chance I know - but maybe there is something in it.

Thanks again for your response and if anyone can think of anything else, pleas let me know!! Jo xxx

Sounds like a nightmare, well done you for staying so calm with him!
If he is so adament he doesn't want to use the potty have you tried getting a child seat for the toilet and putting him on that instead?

Thank you - my mum said today I have the patience of a saint. I feel like screaming sometimes, but have an idiotic grin on my face at the same time. He is exactly the same with the loo, we have a childs seat but again no interest and fights if you try and place him on it. I would rather go straight for the toilet rather than the potty but we havent got a downstairs loo and to get all of us upstairs before he wee's is impossible. Thanks for your advice though xx

Thank you - my mum said today I have the patience of a saint. I feel like screaming sometimes, but have an idiotic grin on my face at the same time. He is exactly the same with the loo, we have a childs seat but again no interest and fights if you try and place him on it. I would rather go straight for the toilet rather than the potty but we havent got a downstairs loo and to get all of us upstairs before he wee's is impossible. Thanks for your advice though xx

I'm with SB, I would put him back in nappies full time and start from scratch....

I know 1 child who was like this and he just used to wee/poo in his pants for attention, he was a clever child and well capable of being trained but could poo 7 times a day in his pants. He kept having accidents but they tapered off at 3.5 years and totally stopped at 4 when he started school. He was dry at night so fully capable but just did it cos he knew it got attention.

I've got a very interesting book called 'Potty Training boys'...worth having a look, I'm going to follow the advice in it.

At 3 he is old enough to wee standing up like a 'big boy' so maybe get him to watch his dad and suggest he have a go x

Thanks for your further replies. I've looked into this loads on the internet and found a report by a Dr Olson who says mainly very intelligent children refuse toilet training at this age. He says just leave them in undies and let them get on with it, make no fuss what so ever. He says the child is in full control of this matter and there is nothing you can do about it, just stick with it till they get fed up of dirty clothes. So I am going for it, not going back to nappies as I have done this in the past. He wouldnt forget about the potty, especially as we have certain family members who can't keep their gobs shut about it no matter how many times you tell them too. I've had a little chat with him, told him I wont be asking him to go on the potty any longer, Ive let him choose where in the house the potty goes and told him that when he is ready he can use it. He has been asking me loads of questions about it, which I answer but I dont instigate any conversation about it. So the mop is now my new best friend until it finally sinks in. Fingers crossed for me xx

have you tired a toilet seat??? maybe he thinks of a potty as babyish> buy him a thomas one or whatever you can get and see if he likes that.

As someone said get his dad involved? Seeing a dad use the loo should get him to do it. Tell his dad to coax him by saying tht potties are nappies are for babies and as he is so big and clever he can use the toilet like his dad?

I am sure you have tried but I put some powder paint in the potty so when they wee it goes another colour. Also ping pong balls in the loo helps!

I do think you have a clever boy on your hands and he knows exactly what he doing.

good luck

d xx