Getting Pregnant <
Trying to conceive
03/01/2014 at 16:47
I have been lurking around a little while as we are not actively trying to conceive but I would like a little advise and wondered whether anyone has been in a similar situation.
I've been with my other half for 5 years living together for 4, I have always been a broody girl and seem to have a natural mother hen instinct and have always made it clear to Mr Elsie that I want children he always has agreed and said too that he wants to be a fairly young parent ( were both 27 this year). He also made it clear that he wants to be married before we had children, this was always fine with me and we get married in April.
However over Christmas we spent a fair bit of time with his family and they were all very chatty about our wedding and how we would be next to have children. In comparison to the rest of his family we are doing things very late in life! His sisters both 24 have a child each as does 2 of his cousins who are 21 and 22. When this was all being mentioned it was all laughed off and Mr E just kept saying there's lots of work to do on the house first. This really played on my mind as yes we do need to do work like replace both the kitchen and bathroom but I didn't think this would mean no chance of a baby until this was done. I broached the subject and he went on about how we would never be able to afford new things for the house if we had a baby and we wouldn't have made much money on the house if we left it how it is etc.
Now I tried to explain from my perspective in that I have been off the pill since may due to a lump being found on my cervix during a smear test and we haven't been using anything. I have been tracking my periods and don't dtd around OV and I clearly explained to him that this it isn't anywhere near an accurate method but he was happy to go along with this. I suggested that we just don't track and just see what happens and he went back to a state of panic about not being able to afford it!
Now I know practically doing work on the house first is a good idea but my body is just shouting at me to try for a baby! I am fully aware that it may take a while to conceive if it is at all possible in the first place and even if it does happen right away we still have 9 months to save a prepare ourselves!
Sorry its such a ramble but has anyone else gone with head over heart???
03/01/2014 at 17:24
Personally I would go with heart over head. Babies aren't nearly that expensive, it's the years that follow where the costs mount up & not having an income. But having said that I didn't get married till I was in my 30's & we ended up getting married, moving house & having a baby in 18 months. So financially tough but well worth it. As you say it could take a long time but obviously don't do anything until you've discussed it as it needs to be a 2 way agreement. Good luck x
03/01/2014 at 19:36
Well you really did do it all in one go! Sometimes I just think some men don't have that voice in their head and for them I don't think it becomes real until the baby is actually there! Don't worry we always discuss everything so I am sure we can come to a decision together! Unfortunately we have seen too many relationships break down when the decision hasn't been a mutual one!
Thanks again! x
03/01/2014 at 20:14
Hello Elsie, I totally agree with BK that it needs to be a 2way agreement so you definitely need to talk everything through with your OH. Money will always be something I think that's a cause for concern, our financial situation is also tough as we have to live off 1 salary - I'm not entitled to any support at all as I was working as a supply teacher and so not entitled to any maternity pay etc. But it's the best decision ever, we both felt ready for our family and it just means we are holding off buying a house and I'll be a sahm for the foreseeable future. I couldn't imagine life without my little girl now. Hope you both come to a decision together. Good luck x
04/01/2014 at 15:19
I totally agree on a joint decision, I think that his biggest worry that we wouldn't be able to live of one wage as it would be pointless me returning to work as I would then just be paying for childcare. I didn't realise as a supply teacher you weren't entitled to maternity pay I suppose your classed as a freelancer.
04/01/2014 at 15:50
How long would it take to get the work done? If you are talking a year i would be inclined to say get the house done first as they are big jobs that cost lots and money will be tighter. If getting the jobs done would take years regardless of kids i would go for it and start a family. Sorry if i am being nosey but have you had the lump investigated? I would be more concerned about getting that sorted first in case you need treatment that cant be done during pregnancy....x
04/01/2014 at 17:17
I recon we could have the work done by the end of the year if we really pushed for it but its not like the work is essential both are perfectly liveable. Yes I have I had a loop diathermy to remove it and it just came back as abnormal cells cn 2 I think but no form of HPV, the consultant suggest it could be from being on the pill for such a long time, I have just had a check up test just waiting on results fingers x'd they come back fine!
04/01/2014 at 18:08
Really hope it all comes back ok. Just be prepared that if you have bubbas then the work might not get done for many years! We moved into our place 3 years ago and the liveable bathroom now drives me nuts but we cant afford to get it done.....x
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