i'm new to here so i hope ive posted this in the most apropriate place!

im just looking for oppinions really me and my bf have talked about having a baby hopefully when i finish uni im 18 and finish in 4 yrs so ill be 22 he is older than me and already has two kids from a previous marriage. My friends say i'm too young to be thinking of children but they dont like him mainly because of the age difference so i think that may have something to do with what they say.

I am also in a wheelchair. we have been to see my doctor together about how that will affect things and the only thing they said was that i may need a caesarean section to avoid complications in labour and that i will have to have scans a checkups more frequently than usual.

Some people tell me i'm selfish wanting to bring kids up with a disabled mum as they wouldnt have all the opportunities of kids with "normal" parents. i dont agree but maybe i'm wearing rose-tinted glasses? what do u think? i know it ultimately my (well mine and my bfs) descision but im just interested in your views.

please be honest and dont worry about offending me thats almost impossible! i asked for your views to hear both sides of the story so i'll take them all

ps sorry for the rubbish typing

I think you are being very mature thinking it all through now; not wanting to plan anything till after you finish Uni etc.

Whether your friends like your bf or not, it doesn't really matter. If you're the one who loves him and wants to be with him forever and have kids etc then it only matters what you think.

I don't see what opportunities your possible future children would miss out on, just because you're in a wheelchair.

Bah to all the negative people!!!!

whaaat? I'm sorry but I think your friends are totally out of order saying that you're being selfish for wanting children. I don't see there being any problem with bringing up children as a disabled parent. Lots of people do it and they bring up well adjusted, independent and loving kids.

You seem to have a good relationship with your bf and he's obviously willing to put in the extra effort that may be needed to help raise your children, I really don't see there being a problem.

Good luck hun and I hope one day you get your dream.

R ur pals actually saying ur selfish or is tat wat u think der thinking? If dey r der wrong tats not nice at all at the end of the day there r no garuntees in dis life tat we'll eva stay away from harm, Or accidents or physical or mental dissabilities....

So wat no 1 should eva have kids just in case....

I too have d same prob my mum has MS n i have d gene n was told tat id b selfish if i bring a child in to d world but ive been exposed 2 ms n ive not had a bad life even y little sis whose 11 n has been living wid my mum wid ms (shes now in a home n sis is wid nan) said tat i shouldnt stop myself having a child cause of ms,,,,,n shes a baby bless....

My bf also has 2kids twins boy n gal there 7yrs....
Been with him for 4yrs.........

I think u should do wat eva makes u happy...
But i also think (n please dont think typical answer) tat u should wait untill ur def ready. plus y not travel first n figure out wat career u want just focas on the kids he has got n it will beta prepare u for ur own kids.

I just wanted to say, that I used to work on a children's ward in a London hospital and found that parents who were disabled or had mild mental health problems can give children much better insight to the world. I found their children, especially toddlers, were much more considerate, helpful and had a much better understanding and compassion for things. It sounds like your friends are trying to look out for you, but not showing enough support or consideration towards your feelings.
As long as you love your partner and feel ready to have children, that's all that matters. And you should stick up for yourself and tell your friends that they should either support your decision or keep their mouths shut.
I hope you enjoy your time at Uni aswell and good luck with the future! xx

thanks for your comments.

My boyfriend is one of the most supportive people i know and we have talked through every possible instance.

i think my doctor is getting a bit annoyed though as i keep going back with another question and i'm not even pregnant yet!

The positive side i suppose is that my boyfriend has already brought up two children and so knows what to expect from looking after a child etc and is in a good position to help me

I think you have the right attitude to things & I wouldnt worry what your friend say. Just because you are in a wheelchair doesnt mean that you cant love & support your children. Ok you may not be able to run around with them but that is only a very small part of being a parent & from the sounds of things you'll make a great mum

Good luck with everything

Hilary x

I agree with the others - there's no way being in a wheelchair would stop you from being a great parent. It sounds like your friends don't have the same mature attitude that you do, so perhaps that is colouring their judgement. Good luck with it all. M x

thanks everyone. i was starting to think i was a bit mad for wanting a family

I agree with the others. You have thought this through, you want to have children with the man you love, and being in a wheelchair does not make you any less of a person nor will it make you any less of a parent. The fact that your friends dont like your man is neither here nor there. You love him. He loves you. Thats all that matters.

With regards to the people who think you are being selfish, what is their opinion on 'normal' parents who suffer an accident or illness and end up in a chair? Do they think they should give their kids up for adoption because they will have a disadvantaged life with a disabled parent? I bet not!

Ignore them. Follow your heart and do whats best for you and your oh.

Good luck hun xx