Getting Pregnant <
Trying to conceive
22/10/2013 at 15:39
Just wondering how you are doing? I can't seem to pm you (can someone enlighten me?).
thankyou for your lovely post on my thread. How are you feeling?
I'm up and down. I have days where I think I'm ok and days like this week where I'm not. H is still feeling sad. I told him I feel like everyone has forgotten. He says they haven't but maybe they don't know what to say. He says that people (family) ask me how I am and I just say I'm fine. Because that's just polite isn't it? It's just a question, I feel like I can't say well actually I feel *** today to my mil.
im avoiding being sociable. I saw a friend last week who came round to support me which was lovely. I'm meant to be going back to work next week which makes me nervous as I work with children. One of my ante natal group is pregnant and I'm not sure how I feel about seeing her.
what a mess!
22/10/2013 at 17:14
Hi LLL. Well I'm still off work since I can't really face company. Still have feelings of guilt, but starting to feel more normal. I have finally stopped bleeding so that's made a big difference. Like you, I'm finding socialising hard. Spent the weekend with friends who have three yr old twins - the get together was meant to be celebrating my pregnancy. seeing the children was OK since they aren't babies and my friend isn't pregnant, but I cried watching OH play with them since he was so close to having his own. I cancelled lunch with my cousin today though... not only does she have 5 month old twins but my EDD was her twins first birthday. just too hard. Also stayed in while OH went out with his Dad (who was staying for a night while in the area on business) last night. I am off work for at least another week anyway. OH is in and out of work at the mo, just working bits and bobs and his boss has said to just come back full time when he feels ready.
On the medical front, saw the private consultant yesterday, she reckons there's not much chance my fibroids are in a location that will prevent a healthy pregnancy, but she has ordered me an MRI to check, and that's next week. BUPA wont pay since they say "mri is not standard treatment for miscarriage complications". Hmm yes, but this lady heads up a national research centre into such things and has a new technique of zapping fibroids with ultrasound if necessary. Anyway, we'll just pay if we have to.
We did also see a counsellor and were going to have a few sessions, but I've decided not to. It seems she specialises in cases where husband and wife don't want to talk to each other about it all, but we don't have that problem. I dunno, maybe later I will consider it.
For now, I just want to try again, have a normal period and go back to my temps and charts. They worked last time, after all.
If you ever want to email, my address is cara AT h@email@example.com (replace with As)
22/10/2013 at 21:36
Can I join in? Its 11 days since my ERPC. I didn't bleed at all and then I started bleeding suddenly and heavily on Sunday. It eased off a bit yesterday but overnight it became heavy again. Its really slowed down today and we'll see how this evening goes. I rang EPU and they said they probably didn't get everything during the ERPC and this is my body getting rid of it. I just want it over with. I thought the 'benefit' of an ERPC was that it was over with quickly. I thought I was moving forwards and then I take 2 steps back.
I'm desperate to get pregnant again. Absolutely and completely. This waiting is killing me. Now I've been set back by a week and a half which isn't really a long time but it is when every day feels like an eternity.
I have my consultant appointment tomorrow (not to do with the MMC but due to my fertility issues) so I'm hoping he'll give me a plan of action for the future. I'm so scared he'll tell me I have to wait, or because I got pregnant I'm now on my own. I'm also worried my irregular cycles will return if he wont prescribe me clomid again. I have a sneaky suspicion I'll be waiting a long time for my first AF anyway.
I went back to work yesterday after the best part of three weeks off. I went in for the odd day here and there when I needed to but the break was good. Boring but I needed it for my mental health. Going back was hard, no-one has said anything which has been a surprise but its the getting back to 'normality' when things are far from normal which is the hardest. I've also noticed how down I am which I hadn't realised before getting back into a routine. I've suffered from depression before so it wouldn't surprise me if it comes back. I managed to go through my dads illness and losing him last year without going back on the AD's but I think this is going to be the last straw. There's only so much a person can take!
Sorry for brain dump, but I feel much better getting that out x
23/10/2013 at 10:11
I wanted to pop my head in and say hi. I know exactly how you are feeling because I was feeling the same after my MMC and subsequent ERPC.
Its been just over 7 months since I miscarried. Currently on the 8th cycle of TTC since then. I'm still not over it. I dont think I ever will be, but i promise promise promise it does get easier. It wont get better, but you will suddenly realise its been a day since you cried, then 2 days, then a week. I still have moments where I feel desperately sad, and my due date and the weeks either side were really tough. But I got through it.
LLL saying people have forgotten really struck a chord with me because thats how i feel. But I have to remember that to other people its not as big a deal as it was to us. It didnt happen to them. And yes, people ask how you are, and yes you reply saying 'yeah im fine' because really, they dont want to know how you are feeling that your world has crumbled. The only people I felt I could really talk to were my best mates, Hitched/MD buddies and my H. I still feel like it now, when people mention pregnancy around me I clam up. I cant relax. I'm pretty sure it normal. Keep talking to your H's and us. Bottling it up will do no good.
Honestly, I managed to get through it and am still positive I will get my baby one day. Please know I am here for all of you if you need a chat. Love to you xxx
23/10/2013 at 10:46
Another one crashing in. I'm glad you are all here and talking about it, I'm sure it does help.
I found you find out who out of your friends is better in these situations. One of my best friends barely contacted me at the start (not sure whether she didn't know what to say?) Where as 2 of my other friends were straight round to see me and were very supportive.
You will find people avoid talking about what has happened as they don't want to upset you but I did want to talk about it especially with friends. Also, you will probably think everyone around you is suddenly pregnant (they aren't, you are just noticing it more).
You will feel better but give it time. Of course you never forget but it will get easier. I hope that helps in some way?
23/10/2013 at 14:08
Thanks to everyone else for sharing experiences. It really does help and I agree it's hard to talk to people about this if they don't know what it's like. I feel very odd at the moment in that I want to get back to normal, but I seem to have forgotten what normal is.
On a positive note, BUPA have now agreed to fund my MRI and subsequent stuff after the consultant's secretary called them for us and told them not to be so stupid, and did they have any idea what we were going through. So that's now booked for Monday, and I'll see the consultant a few days later to chat and get some answers.
23/10/2013 at 19:31
Sorry you are all going through this ladies. It was a year ago yesterday that I had my erpc, and I'm sooo not over it, even though I'm pregnant again. I grieve not only for the baby I didn't have, but was very aware yesterday watching my friends babies that they are all playing and will grow up quite close and my baby will be too young to play with them which makes me sad for my unborn child (if last pregnancy had been successful there would have been a max of 6 months age gap, now will be 18 mth). Prob totally irrational thought but a sign that I've not dealt properly with my loss yet.
Take the time you need and don't rush back to work. I took two weeks off after my erpc. I HAD to go back for my own sanity, but that's how I deal with these things.
Keep talking on here and to your partners xx
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