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Trying to conceive
09/06/2014 at 10:18
Morning ladies,I'm currently a lurker as we haven't actually started TTC yet - I'm currently halfway through my final packet of pills as we decided it was best to get my cycle back to 'normal' (whatever 'normal is'! Been on pill since I was 15, I'm now almost 31!).My question to you lovely lot is this - when did you decide to take the leap into TTC? Was it a planned decision (like 'we'll start in 6 months') or more unplanned, happy go lucky kind of thing? The main reason I ask is I seem to be constantly thinking about this, when would be the right time for us, what if we wait a bit longer and there are problems, blah blah blah..... The logical part of me knows there isn't a magical 'right time' but the otherside of me seems to constantly be worrying so I would be really interested in your stories Thanks in advance!xx
09/06/2014 at 11:25
Mainly when we could no longer think of a big reason not to!
We probably started TTC earlier than perhaps we would have (mid 20s for me) straight after our wedding. This was because I didn't have a cycle and my mum had breast cancer at 33 which treatment left her infertile (luckily she had already completed her family). I knew I wanted to get going before I was 30 because of the cancer risk. Secondly, because of the lack of cycle we got the ball moving with the doctor straight after our wedding. We were ready, but if I knew I could get pregnant as soon as we started trying, I think we may have waited a year or two. I was concerned it would take a long time so we didn't delay.
Turned out we were both a bit faulty and ended up needing IVF which pretty much filled that year or two or waiting but that's another story!
09/06/2014 at 11:42
Great timing of your post! H and I were just discussing this very topic last night as neither of us can remember why we set ourselves certain goals to be achieved before TTC'ing!
Our situation is that we wanted to have certain things 'done' before we do the kids thing. Initially, it was to be married and then we said we wanted to have our own place. The way things turned out, we bought our 1st house just before we got married and moved in 2 months post wedding. Once we were in, we said we'd want to renovate it before kids and that also fit in with our other plan of not having kids too quickly after getting married. We decided to have a skiing holiday in Jan and then TTC after that. We had a lot of renovations done and we were married 8 months. However, out skiing, I injured myself and that plan has now gone forward 6 months. Still not a biggie as we do have other house stuff to do and we had flirted with the idea of waiting a year post wedding anyway.
Oh and I also decided to be off the pill 6 months min before TTC'ing however, that was just a personal goal - there is no reason (I believe) as to why you would have to wait.
The way I've come to thinking on this is the same as you've said above. There is probably never a 'right' time to TTC but there is a 'good' time and, once you figure out what that is, best plan is to go for it and not get upset if it gets put off course. I got really annoyed with myself for waiting until January because, in hindsight, I can't remember why it was so crucial to do all those other things first and my accident invariably put us off by 6 months. Yet, I'd originally said we'd wait a year so, in theory, we're on track. The upside of it is that my accident helped H and I get even more close and become a stronger unit which is definitely a good thing before TTC'ing!
Sorry for the rambling; I'm not sure if I've helped. You mention you seem to be constantly worrying - can you tell us what features in those worries? I'm not being nosey - just figure we could help to alleviate them if we know a bit more x
09/06/2014 at 11:43
We knew we were ready when we were no longer scared about the huge lifestyle changes that having a baby entails.
Sadly, things haven't quite turned out how we hoped and I am wishing we started sooner, simply because I always wanted to have a baby by the time I was 28. I'm nearly 29 now!
09/06/2014 at 12:11
Thanks for your replies ladies, it really does help.
Ducky - I'm guessing the IVF has worked out ok (judging from your signature!), that is great news :D
Rod - Sorry things didn't turn out as expected, hope things work out ok for you both :)
Tayto - One of the things we have always said is we want our own house before kids, that is looking like another 18 months at least for deposit saving and repaying debts, not too long in the grand scheme of things but I'm not too sure why we were insisting on that as its not essential really as it is possible to do this after we have kids.
I guess the things I worry about are money - whether we can afford a baby (which we can), whether we will cope (there is no basis for this worry at all, we are very strong as a couple and the things we have been through have made us even closer), what will happen at work (again, this is a silly worry, I am in a good place career wise, OH is currently looking for another job due to relocation of his current company but he will find something fairly easily I think, I guess I have this gut feeling that me having a child will 'devalue' me within the company - I have worked very hard to get where I am, and as I work in a male dominated industry it does concern me).
Sorry for rambling, I guess putting it down on paper (well, screen!) helps as it shows me that they are not major concerns, more just concerns about 'the unknown'. I think everyone must go through the same but my two closest friends are very different to me in terms of babies - one had her little girl by 'accident', the other had very clear goals and wanted to be married and have her kids before she was 30 (she has one now and is 29).
I'll stop rambling now and go and get my lunch :)
09/06/2014 at 13:17
I know what you mean about the house - that was one of the main things H and I were talking about last night. Both of us agreed on the ideals very early on and we don't know why the house was the #1. H's cousin and sister both got preggers first and then sorted out the house when pregnant so it can definitely be done. I'm a bit of a stress head though so I would worry a lot if things weren't working out as I planned and that would make it a lot more difficult.
09/06/2014 at 18:32
I wanted to start as soon as I got married! I was 31, H 38 so felt we needed to get on with it. And we both wanted a family so it wasn't a should we shouldn't we situation. But H wanted a bit of time of just us. I was also commuting 60 miles so wanted a job closer to home. but after a few months and no job opportunities I came off the pill anyhow. It took nearly two years for us to conceive. Which we hadn't expected. In that time I found a new job and we moved house, both got promoted and had fab holidays. Whilst I wish it had been more straight forward for us, we never put our life in hold which I'm glad about. That struggle has brought us even closer together so that is one silver lining.
I guess you just know. I don't think I would have been ready in mid 20s even if I had met H then as I was too caught up in my job and travelling. Now we're ready, though I do wish it had happened straight away and we were debating number two instead if just starting with number one.
09/06/2014 at 18:39
I know what you mean about the job, I have worked so hard to get where I am, I love my job and I do think if myself as career minded. It's been very weird getting used to discussions and interviews for my maternity cover and putting up with silly and condescending questions from people. But I know I can do both, be a mum and have a good career. I know I'm good at my job and I don't think this will change it. It helps that my H is very supportive of my career and my plans to go back full time. I just keep reminding myself that I work in a supportive environment and colleagues who know me won't change their viewpoint if me just cos ill be a mum. But it's still a bit scary sometimes!
10/06/2014 at 00:08
For me, there wasn't a right time logically, it was all about how I felt. Despite always thinking that I wouldn't want to TTC until 30, I found myself very broody as soon as we were married. A month after my 24th birthday I sat H down and said that I thought we should try, he had been ready for a while so we started trying that month. That said, we were married and owned our flat, I'm not sure we would have felt the same had we not. I think it was the security of marriage that made my broodiness kick in.
10/06/2014 at 16:28
Thanks for the subsequent replies ladies, all very useful and have really helped :)
I had a quick chat with hubby this morning on the way to the station and filled him in on what was going round in my head (which I'm sure he loved first thing!). We have decided that we have no real reason to not start trying (which is exciting!) however we will use condoms for a few months to get my cycle back to normal (hopefully it will only take a few months anyway). Once that is sorted we will stop any BC and see what happens :)
11/06/2014 at 00:19
There really is no need to 'get your cycle back to normal'. In fact, some ladies report a fertile surge immediately after coming off the pill. If you fancy some time to get your head around the idea then great, but if not then there is no need to hang about.
11/06/2014 at 09:34
Thanks Saffron, I think I want to do the 'normal cycle' thing more for me than anything, having been on the pill for so long I want to see what it actually is before trying :)
I'm sure I will have loads of questions over the next few months so will be bugging you all again soon!
11/06/2014 at 11:21
I agree with not worrying about normal cycles yet, but I would track them to see if/when a pattern emerges. When to try, for us, wasn't really a choice. We married Aug 2012 and neither of us would think about me getting pregnant outside marriage, so it was no go until then. We then planned to wait until the new year to try to give ourselves a few months as newlyweds, but couldn't wait longer due to my age (39 at the time). However, we were then given the chance of joining a small independent mountaineering expedition, which is how we met and the sort of thing we love, but it involved extremes of altitude and completely unsafe when pregnant. We got back early July 2013 and my last pill packet was finished late July. Bfp second month of trying, mc at 7 weeks, then bfp again at second month of trying again.
Tbh there's no way we would have been trying yet if it weren't for my age, since there is far too much in life we want to do that is not child compatible, but sometimes life doesn't work out as planned!
11/06/2014 at 12:13
Angelicdevil - I did the same. Because I'd been on the pill since 17 (and I don't think I'd ever even had normal cycles to being with), I wanted to have a few months to check length and then, more recently, check when I ovulate & how long my LP (luteal Phase) is. It's handy to know but, my day for ovulation changes (over 4 cycles, it's never been the same day) so I now know I can't be certain when I'll ov without opks.
11/06/2014 at 12:35
I can't remember us ever having a proper discussion about it. I think we just both assumed we'd start trying after the wedding, by which time we'd been together 6 years, owned our house, were settled in good jobs, had done a lot of travelling. There wasn't really a reason NOT to.
I wanted to do the same as you with my cycles. I came off the pill about 6 months before we got married, not necessarily to let my cycles "settle down" or anything, just to get to know how long they were, as I'd been on the pill for such a long time.
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