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Trying to conceive
10/07/2013 at 08:49
My OH and I already have a daughter (who wasn't planned), but he was so happy about becoming a dad and always wanted kids. Our daughter is now coming up for 2 years old, and we always said we would start trying for our second child around her 2nd birthday, so they would be born when she is around 3 years.
In recent months, my husband has found out he is going to MD'd from the army, and potential amputation of his leg. Obviously this is a very stressful time for him and we both agreed we would put off having another child until everything else had settled.
However, we were having a random conversation the other day and he is now saying he is happy with just the one child, and why do I feel our daughter "isn't enough". I feel really unhappy about this. Obviously I know there are more pressuring issues to deal with currently, and although I wasn't happy about putting our original plans on hold, I accepted that there were more pressing issues with his job/leg. But now to be told he doesn't want another one at all has completely broken me, as we had always said we would have two.
I'm guessing the pressure of everything that is happening may have got to him, but I'm just surprised seeing as I am one of 4 and he is one of three. Whenever I mention kids he just gets annoyed with me so I didn't mention it for ages, until of course he raised that he is happy with just one child.
I don't really know what to do; as I said to him, I don't want one NOW, but expect to have one in the future. There is 5+yrs age gap between me and my siblings and I always made it clear that I didn't want a large age gap between our daughter and the next one, as me and my siblings aren't particularly close, but at the same time I don't want her to be an only child.
Any advice from anyone who has been in similar situations would be great!
10/07/2013 at 12:44
if it was me id give him more time to deal with the other life bits. all the reasons for a big age gap that u dont want could actually benefit you. i had mine really close together and can see benefits to close and far apart. i dont think it is a detriment either way u do it.
u dont want to pressure him and drive him closer to his decision, give him time and space.
10/07/2013 at 14:32
It is a tough choice but one that needs to be right for both of you. Think why he may not feel ready for another child (is he concerned her won't be able to provide for it if he has to change job, is he concerned he won't be able to play with it if his leg is amputated, does he feel he is letting his family down, does he feel he is not being a good dad with his predicaments...) then try to explain why you feel now is the better time to try (your age, the age of other children in the family, the age of potential grandparents, any bits saved from previous pregnancy child being used for next one...)
You don't want to force the issue but rather offer reassurance of why now is better than later or not at all (i.e. the child you have is beautiful but will either of you have regrets if a couple of years time you want another child but are then unable to conceive for xyz reasons...). He may still stand by his choice though at which point you then need to question which matters more, having no.2 or maintaining what you already have. Best wishes & good luck.
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