Getting Pregnant <
Trying to conceive
23/06/2013 at 19:21
I have posted a couple of times on MD at the beginning of the year, but thought I'd introduce myself properly.
I'm on H but am new to this whole TTC thing, so please bear with me! I've been off the pill for a few months now, but we're going to stop other methods in September. I thought I should start lurking properly before we actually start so I can get to know people.
Well, that was the plan, but I'm due to start a new job soon, so should we change our plans? E.g. will it affect maternity pay, etc? Can you realistically start a new job knowing that you want to TTC/not prevent a few months later?
To be perfectly honest, I am trying not to be too optimistic about the whole TTC thing as I know how hard it can be, but I guess you never know!
Any advice greatfully received!
23/06/2013 at 19:36
Hello and Welcome to MD, not sure on your maternity pay, but I found this during a quick google search which might be of help : www.nhs.uk/.../maternity-paternity-leave-benefits.aspx
23/06/2013 at 19:52
That's really helpful, thank you. I think I'm only going to be entitled to SMP, which is better than nothing, but my H would be able to get more money from his work if he had additional paternity pay. Would I be a bad hypothetical mother if I was only off work for 4.5 months and then he took over?
*See, this is why I have avoided this site. It makes me go "but what if this happens?" when we could have problems TTC and it could be completely irrelevant!*
23/06/2013 at 20:00
Totally understandable it's a big decision too TTC, Why do you think that you would be a bad hypothetical mother?, Personally I don't think that you would be :)!
23/06/2013 at 20:07
A few of my friends have had babies recently and tbh I have always thought that you naturally have 9 months/a year off at least to care for your baby. This is what they've all done, and my SIL still hasn't gone back after 6 years, something that I'd love to do. But I don't think that we could afford for me to do that. I also would like to be able to try BFing, which would be tricky if I went back to work when baby was 4.5 months old
23/06/2013 at 20:09
Everyone's circumstances are different and what is good for some people isn't always viable for others, I am not sure on the breast feeding option other than expressing but I am no expert when it comes to that side of it.
Have you looked into what benefits you could receive like tax credits etc if you did take the full 9 months off work?
23/06/2013 at 20:13
Sort of, but I got confused by it all!
I know I'm overthinking it all, but I am a born worrier. I also worry that if I've just started a new job and am lucky enough to fall pregnant straight away, then I can't really work there for 9 months and then take a year off
23/06/2013 at 20:17
The website I gave you gives you some information on tax credits I think, Hopefully that's a bit simpler to understand I know some of these webpages are a nightmare!
I have known people that have done that started a new job and then taken mat leave so you wouldnt be the first or last :)
Your not over thinking it at all, I think you are just thinking it all over in your head and considering all options which isn't a bad thing.
23/06/2013 at 20:18
Hi Hazel and welcome to MD TTC!!!! Aphrodite has already answered your question about the work stuff which is just as we'll as I couldn't tell you the answer to that one!!!
As A said, everyone's circumstances are different and what we would like to do and what we can actually afford to do are 2 different things. I don't think you could be classed as a bad mother for returning to work to make money to care for your baby.
23/06/2013 at 20:33
Thanks ladies, you've been really helpful. I just worry that people will judge (at my new job and generally). Mum said that no one needs to know that we were ttc and that "accidents happen". So would we be silly to change all our plans?
Also, do I need to start monitoring my cycles or anything? I'm going to start taking folic acid next month
23/06/2013 at 21:14
Hi Hazel! (Do I 'know' you?!).
I wouldn't track at first, just have lots of sex and see what happens! Once you start tracking it's very easy to get bogged down in it all. Hope you have a lovely and smooth TTC journey!!
23/06/2013 at 21:16
You can start monitoring your cycles, just when they start and finish, if you like. I used fertility friend app on my phone to do this when i came off the pill in February as i knew we'd be TTC #2 this summer and i wanted to see how things had settled down etc.
Re work i wouldn't worry about starting a new job. Just go with the flow and see what happens, you may get pregnant first month or it could take you 6 months. Absolutely no way to tell and so you have to try and get on with normal life in the mean time. With going back to work after 4.5 months, people do and it works for them. People stay off longer and that works. I'd say keep an open mind on it. There is absolutely nothing wrong with it if you feel it's right for your family and it most certainly doesn't make you a bad mother! You may find you simply don't want to leave your baby at that stage, it might also depend if you go back full or part time etc.
I'm a teacher and went back for 4 days at the end of the summer term when my daughter was just oevr 4 months. It was so i would get paid in full over the summer holidays and then went back part time in september when she was 6 months. I was still BFing exclusively and found the 4 days very very hard, i wasn't ready physically or mentally to be away from her. However a friend went back at 4 months and her husband took 6 months off and it worked brilliantly for them and she was very happy. I would just say to keep an open mind as much as you can.
Ask as many questions as you like and hang around the TTC threads to pick up on the lingo etc.
24/06/2013 at 08:38
Hi and welcome.
Re the job thing - I came off the pill in May 2012. I started a new job in March past - I hated my last job, had been there 8 years & it wasn't helping my stress levels which isn't great for TTC.
Planning ahead is all very well but this is one thing mother nature dishes out as and when she sees fit so don't let opportunities pass you by while you are waiting.
My work seem quite family friendly. My probation period finishes Sept so ideally I wouldn't want to fall pregnant before then but we havnt stopped trying!
I would plan to take 9 months off - I would get full pay for 4.5 months, half pay for 2/3 months then SMP. Then go back part time for a while, maybe until child starts school.
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