Getting Pregnant <
Trying to conceive
15/10/2013 at 21:48
The 'what if it never happens' thread suggests we all need to vent a little about how annoying peoples' comments or actions can be regarding TTC. So, feel free to vent on here. Please don't feel anyone is being personal, its just a chance to get it off our chests.
I'll start: I've had the 'relax' comments too but my current pet peeve is a friend who would scoff at mutual friends who put on Facebook all the time about pregnancies, baby's antics, profile photo is baby etc, as this was annoying and thoughtless (her words) but once she became pregnant Facebook was her personal baby diary! And she gave birth last week And the updates continue!
Go on share yours...
15/10/2013 at 21:59
General ignorance to how it all 'works' annoys me. People that think you can get pregnant every day of the month, or don't understand 'why' you would not have a text book 28 day cycle. I never knew how it worked until I started TTC so I don't know why it irritates me so much, I guess its more when the people who don't know as much as I do are trying to give me advice and they don't really know what they are talking about. It even annoys me now when people call the withdrawal bleed in-between pill packets a 'period', and say they have a 28 day cycle and then you find out its because they have a bleed after stopping the pill for 28 days etc. OK, I really don't know why this annoys me, I guess its because I want people to understand so when I'm trying to talk to them / offload they actually know what I'm talking about !!!!!
Someone told me on Saturday, that two losses is normal and it can happen to anyone. Whilst I know that's true and that I'm not alone in this, would you really say that to someone? I'm not sure I would!
15/10/2013 at 22:02
Oh and it also annoys me when people ask 'WHEN' you will have children.... who knows that?!
And how everyone just assumes that everyone will be able to have children naturally....
And that people are beyond sympathetic to anyone who shows small signs of infertility - despite their being so many options now to still get successfully pregnant, it just makes people feel like there is no hope for them when there blooming well is!!!
Imp - OMG. That is really insensitive :-(
15/10/2013 at 22:35
Imp - that is an awful thing for someone to say. How did you not slap them?!
15/10/2013 at 22:48
It was a really good friend so I bit my tongue. I was pretty close to exploding though. She also thought my H should be able to take up smoking again, as clearly (her words, not mine) we can get pregnant. Thanks, but for now i'd rather my H was as healthy as us humanly possible. Not only for ttc but so he's around for as long as possible.
She was on good form as you can tell! She isn't normally so crazy so I'm not sure what got into her!
15/10/2013 at 23:42
'When are you having another one?'
'Time for number two then'
'You don't want a big age gap'
Maybe when you all stop frigging going on about it? Made worse now as I'm miscarrying.
16/10/2013 at 00:08
I just keep getting asked if I'm pregnant. No, I'm just fat.
16/10/2013 at 00:48
LLL, I've had exactly the same comments. It's not as if you can say that you're doing everything humanly possible. I guess it's that myth from being teenagers that any unprotected sex can get you pregnant, if only it were that easy.
Take care all x x
16/10/2013 at 07:55
So sorry that you are all struggling with these insensitive comments
This thread has made me realise that the worst culprit in my life is me. I put myself under so much pressure to be pregnant, and eat myself up for failing...no other comments from anyone else come close I really need to work on this.
16/10/2013 at 08:48
I mentioned in the other thread yesterday about a very close friend telling me she would have my babies for me. A perfect example of someone saying something with the intention of making someone feel better but the only person they actually make feel better is themselves for saying it! It hurt like hell, it still does when I think about it. Now I can't bring myself to share any TTC stuff with her incase she comes out with anything else like that. What would ever make you say something like that to someone? Fair enough if they actually where at a stage of needing a surrogate!
Saffron - We all give ourselves a hard time, but its not anyone's fault that TTC takes a while so try to be kind to yourself as well.
16/10/2013 at 09:03
My vent is more about the pressure I put on myself - like MY says.
Dont get me wrong, when my (lovely lovely - i love her) MIL says 'babes youre trying too hard' I want to punch her, or when my bestie tells me 'I think you should wait til the end of the year to get pregnant so we can do it together' I retort with 'well clearly I have no control over that do i. Wanting to be pregnant doesnt equal suddenly falling pregnant' - BUT the worst culprit is me.
I did it before why isnt it happening again?
I'm gona POAS on 9dpo and depress myself further
ooh I have a pain - I must be pregnant!
I am annoying myself with my symptom spotting and constant pressure on myself to fall pregnant. But its so hard. Its all I want.
16/10/2013 at 09:12
Rod, the 'its all I want' just really hit me, thats exactly how I feel. Big hugs to you x
16/10/2013 at 09:22
My MIL constantly makes snide little remarks about us having kids. Just 2 days after SIL (her daughter) gave birth, she told me for the millionth time "I need more grandchildren" which annoyed me for 2 reasons, firstly whether H or I do have babies or not. her "needs" do not come into the equation at all. Secondly, her daughter was sitting right there! She's been on my case for almost 7 years about providing her with grandchildren, it started right from the first time she met me (crazy much?!).
I've had all the "relax" and "don't try so hard" stuff too, I think those of you who have said it makes the person saying it feel better are so right and I've never thought of it that way before.
16/10/2013 at 09:39
Imp that is horrible you did well not to say anything!
I agree that when people say relax and don't try too hard they are trying to be nice, I think I've even said it before to a friend but now I'm ttc I know how annoying it is to hear!
We had alot of comments after we got married 2 years ago that it would be us next but most of our friends have stopped with that now. I had my brother a couple of weeks ago saying "have a baby, just have a baby"! It is easy for him to say as they conceived the first month they tried, I did point out to him that it isn't that easy for everyone so I'm hoping he will stop now!
Other than that I think like Saffron and Rod, I'm the one putting all the pressure on. We've only been trying properly for 3 cycles but already I'm worried which I know is stupid, I actually made a deal with myself last night that I am going to chill out, lets see how that one works out!
16/10/2013 at 09:53
This is a great idea...right my vent...
When someone said to me "it'll be a big age gap though"
Er....I'm sorry but who the hell asked you! My daughter is 6, I'm sorry my first marriage ended and having a second child wasn't the first thing on my mind, funnily enough recovering from my marriage ending and supporting my daughter was my main priority! Plus considering I only now feel ready to have another, with my partner who I've been with for four years and we are now both ready and doing the responsible thing making sure we are financially and emotionally ready for another! There may be a bit of a gap but I know how wonderful my daughter will be, she loves babies and she'll want to be involved and help, and I feel I've had some amazing and special memories with just me and her which I otherwise wouldn't have had :)
16/10/2013 at 10:08
Relax, don't try too hard all that cr@p drives me up the wall. How can I not try, have you ever wanted anything so much in the world that you feel actual pain sometimes when thinking about it, how can anyone want something that much and then decide not to try and achieve it!!
My inlaws know we're trying and the other day came out with something about Legoland and how they need some grankids so go, they mean no harm but it pissed me off. One of my closest friends pisses me off without even saying anything as I feel like she thinks we waited too long to try.
I hate how all this makes me feel, my friend is 12 weeks pregnant and sent a message last night saying how fat and huge she felt, I didn't respond as the only response I couldn've written is Feck off do you know how fecking lucky you are!! It's made me a not very nice person at times. I'm jealous and unsympathetic.
I hate the woman I saw with two kids that looked a mess and a trolley full of crap in the supermarket the other day. Why does she have kids and I can't, my trolley wouldn't have had that crap in it.
I hate how nature has made this so difficult, why the hell isn't it easier.
I need to get a grip!!!!!
16/10/2013 at 10:14
One of my friends, who has three kids, keeps telling me how lucky I am not to have children. I am sorely tempted to reply with "Yes your kids are little sh!tbags, I suppose I am quite lucky."
I also hate how bitter and jealous TTC has made me feel.
16/10/2013 at 10:43
Same friend who said she feels oh so fat etc at 12 weeks has also posted on Facebook last night that she really wants a glass of wine right now..... this just fills me with rage!! Have I got to listen to 6 more months of this!
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