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Trying to conceive
06/03/2014 at 06:31
Morning all. Very quick post as am getting ready for work. I think my husband is feeling the pressure of TTC. I am not telling him about my OPKs but instead having sex every other day, but the past couple of times he's had trouble getting it, er, you know .. up. The first time we were able to rectify that but the last time nothing happened at all. He said that it's puzzling, because he WANTED to but just couldn't. He also said that it wasn't me and didn't feel any pressure from me directly, so I wonder whether he is putting pressure on himself? I think I'll get a positive OPK tonight so I'm secretly a little worried that it'll happen again. It goes without saying too that I don't berate him for it.
Anyone with advice or with similar experiences are extremely appreciated!
06/03/2014 at 07:09
Are you timing sex only around ovulation? I find that having sex throughout the month helps them to feel less 'used'. I've heard many TTCers mention this so it's not uncommon. Hopefully somebody with first hand experience will be along soon.
06/03/2014 at 07:19
What saffron says is v sensible as we used to DTD every other day during ov/often every day and on more than one occasion my H had a similar issue. I felt awful for him! TTC does become functional after a time so I guess trying to do what you can to normalise DTD might help. The month we caught we had the least amount of sex we'd had over ov in 12 months!
06/03/2014 at 08:15
I can't really help as I have no experience, like Saffron says do you just time it around ov? H and I dtd throughout the month, probably at a similar amount to when we weren't ttc. Didn't you mention before that neither you nor H had a high sex drive, so I'd assume from that, that you're now dtd more. Could that be something that's affecting it, perhaps?
06/03/2014 at 12:02
I don't have first hand experience but it sounds like he is subconsciously putting pressure on himself. As sapphire says, perhaps its the increase in DTD that might be causing it.
06/03/2014 at 12:10
Agreed that maybe he is putting pressure on himself, also the tip about trying not to focus on DTD just at ovuation so he doeant feel used, I think its so hard for husbanda the pressure we put on them to perform.
06/03/2014 at 13:32
I'm going through this at the moment. Last month we had that problem and now it seems his libido has fallen (it used to be him looking for it every day). He's not really a talker about things so it's hard to discuss. I don't have a suggestion because it's not something that we've resolved but you're not the only one.
06/03/2014 at 19:46
My H says "show me the science" i.e. wants to know what the monitor/sticks says but also says he feels pressure. So I think it's quite normal. TMI . . . I sometimes use oral as a way of taking his mind off it! And work a bit harder than I normally have to. I think it's normal for some men to overthink, in much the same way some women would never ever talk about TTC and piss on sticks until they drive themselves insane like we do. It's just about make up. Just be relaxed. And if it doesn't work try again six hours later.
06/03/2014 at 20:55
Hi, my H says he feels sometimes sex starts to feel like a chore because we do it more around ov. He seems to get a bit offended by it sometimes because he says it feels like I don't want to have sex with him I just want sex for a baby.Obviously I do want sex with him for a baby with him!
We sometimes find it hard to dtd that often mid week if we've had a particularly tiring work week but feel like we should at that time of the month. It would be easier if I always ovulated at the weekend! I do try and initiate sex more at other times now to make it seem less obvious when I do because of a positive opk but my H normally knows what I'm up too!
06/03/2014 at 21:01
You are not alone. I've tried giving my H a few days notice based on when I'm likely to ovulate, telling him on the day in the morning that ill need him that night, not telling him at all and just trying to jump him and I wouldn't say any are better (except the last one which has the potential for me to feel rejected if he isn't in the mood!) It is particularly difficult if ovulation occurs on a school night because we leave for work at 0710 so no time before and don't get home until sometime between 1900-2000 which means by the time we've eaten and caught up about our days/relaxed we are knackered and ready to go to bed to sleep at which point it is hard to persuade either of us at times to get interested in DTD. We have tried going to bed ridiculously early and just kiss and cuddle for a while with no rush to move on which does help as does him being slightly selfish so if he's in a good position for him I let him get on with it-not as much fun for me but I have the rest of the month to enjoy things and after 30 months of TTC the notion of "making love" around ovulation has gone right out the window!!!
07/03/2014 at 16:39
Sorry for late reply, I could only quickly read replies last night. Thanks for taking the time to give advice xx
Are we timing sex around ovulation? Yes and no. Yes, because we have both vowed to up the sex throughout the month so it doesn't seem so clinical but no in the sense that this is the first month trying after we have said as such and so after the ovulation window is up we will still make an effort to have regular sex. Hopefully it was just a little blip. We spoke about it in a chilled out way, not a "we need to talk" sort of thing ... he said that he is possibly sub consciously stressed, as well as putting himself under sub conscious baby pressure, as he has this massive project at work at the moment which is taking up a lot of his thinking space.
Will definitely try to go to bed a bit earlier for kisses and cuddles first, so we can ease into it! Perhaps it'll take a little bit longer to get into the swing of it. Man. I remember when I was in my late teens/early twenties, I was always praying for my period but now it's the complete opposite!
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