Getting Pregnant <
Trying to conceive
20/01/2012 at 13:42
25/01/2013 at 13:48
Hi all, it's really helpful to read your stories- especially when you rant as that's exactly how i feel but have to put a brave face on ALL THE TIME. I take guilty pleasure at all your nasty thoughts cos i feel them too. People's eyes glaze over once they've expressed sympathy and they just don't want to talk about it anymore but it stays with you. This is so tough to go through and I know that i didn't really understand until this happened to me so i hope this is cathartic to write it down and share. I had an ectopic pregnancy that ruptured end of Sept last year (got preg 1st months of trying so should be happy? But am still not pregnant! And am alive!!). After surgery it took eight weeks (Mid Nov) for my next period to come. We weren't going to try but my husband got offered to help with a trip for the whole of Jan and waiting till Feb to start felt like ages away and so started ttc in Dec. I got pregnancy straight away and found out just before Christmas. I was desperately trying not to get excited but you naturally hold out every hope that this time it will be ok... At least I hoped it could never be as bad as last time. Cos of my ectopic i get a scan early on but in the clinic my test was negative despite four positives at home. After four weeks of appointments in the EPAC with wierd test results which every time was gave absolutely no indication of how it was going cos hcg was going up doubling, then not doubling then going down, then up etc. options ranged from it might be all fine, you might have lost it and it might be ecoptic (aaaaargh!) EVERY time i went in. But it finallly went away by itself. It's been labelled a miscarriage but they can't rule out another ectopic which is scary. I know i should be glad I did not need any intervention and did not need surgery but it has just hit me of the loss of another pregnancy and am absolutely gutted. I will be monitored to check that my HCG has gone down to zero which hopfully will happen soon so that the three month countdown to starting again can start. It doesn't help that my husband has been away for the last three weeks with work while most of this has been going on so have been left by myself. He has tried to call everyday but it's not been easy snatching five minute phone calls at work to really get the support I need and try to be happy for him when feel like crying all the time. I know you propbably can start trying the next month but will have to force myself to wait two cycles (35 days normally but has been longer recently - groan) to give my body a breather from two pregnancies in three months. My only experience of pregnancy so far has been of waiting, disasppointment and heartache. I feel sick at the thought of not being able to have children and know that i will do whatever it takes and it's just shite that what comes from love creates so much pain. It's so petulant to say it's not fair but it's not!!! I like your list Lucyn2 - it sounds vey constructive.
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