Getting Pregnant <
Trying to conceive
12/06/2013 at 13:04
Now we are into our first month of TTC i've started to think about when #2 might arrive. I am fully aware it might take us awhile to get a BFP, and i know only too well that BFPs don't always result in babies so it's all very up in the air. But i'm having niggling guilt about work.
I'm a secondary teacher and time tables etc are all being sorted for next year. I'm being given a new form group, and i'm being given them specifically because they are a tricky group of kids who need a certain type of form tutor and stability. They also have parents who want stability for them as much as possible and aren't that happy about the current tutor leaving them (due to an internal promotion).
I'm very aware that if i get pregnant in the first few months of trying i'll be leaving them mid year, i'll also be leaving my exam classes right before their exams too. When i had P i left at feb half term and there were several complaints from parents!
Now i KNOW it might not be an issue anyway as TTC could take us awhile this time. But all these things bug me, i guess because i care about the kids i teach and want to look after them. They (and their exams) are my responsibility. School are very supportive and they'll get someone in to do my cover, i'm not suggesting i'm the only one who can do my job well. I also remember by the time i left last time i was so ready to stop work that i was less concerned but i can't help the teachers guilt.
Sometimes i wish i had a job where i could just leave a pile of paperwork that didn't care who did it!! I have no intention of telling anyone at work we are thinking about another, and it may well not be an issue but i can't help the niggles.
12/06/2013 at 13:53
I'm going to be selfish here in my response - think of yourself. The kids and your work will manage.
I say this but it's something I'm not very good at doing. I was at the hospital trying to arrange my ERPC around my fitness classes that I teach until my OH told me not to be so stupid and to think of myself. I cancelled my classes for the rest of the week at short notice and do you know what, it was fine.
Focus on you xx
12/06/2013 at 16:26
I second everything Gillsy has just said. TTC is so unpredictable and none of us know when/if we are going to get that bfp x
The great thing about (most) pregnancies is that they last a whole 9 months. Which means you'll have several months' notice about when you'll likely leave. Are you the only subject teacher? If not, perhaps your important exam classes could switch to another teacher who would be staying on, at say Christmas time. Then you take on more year 7,8,9 classes instead?
I don't really know how it works! But ultimately you need to think of yourself and your family, everyone else will muddle through.
12/06/2013 at 16:40
I know it'll all work out and i have no intention of changing my plans. I felt the same when i was pregnant with P. All the teachers are used to the max so someone else will be brought in to cover my mat leave, whenever that'll be. It's just with teaching you are so responsible for the kids and different teachers can influence them so much you can't help but feel guilty. When i was pregnant with P i had to miss a fair bit through various complications. One of our a-level students parents wrote in to say it was my fault her daughter hadn't done very well because i missed so much ( i work in a private school and the parents expect a certain service for their money!!). In reality i hadn't missed much of her lessons but it still upset me as i worked so hard to make sure they were affected. When i was 36 weeks i could barely walk through SPD and i went in just to cover my a-level classes as my cover couldnt start until a week later.
I will always put myself and baby first BUT teaching isn't just a job you can put down and walk away from.
Thanks for letting me worry ladies, this place is great for airing concerns.
12/06/2013 at 16:44
air your concerns here any time you need to Mrs xxx
I can understand what you are saying about your work and feeling guilty though. I totally hate my job but work to deadlines all the time delivering things and I'd feel bad/annoyed if I wasn't around for a go live if I'd put so much time and effort into the planning and testing of it.
12/06/2013 at 17:11
I can't believe that you had parents complain, what a nightmare. At the school I'm currently at we seem to be taking it in turn to get pregnant. There are currently 3 members of staff off on maternity leave (1 only had her baby 2 weeks ago) & myself & another teacher with under 2's (her daughter is 2 this month). Then there are 2 members of staff currently pregnant, 1 hasn't officially told us but everyone seems to know due to staffing next year. I'm lucky in that my role for September appears to be more of a booster teacher role which is fab as I can drop this in the summer if I'm very, very lucky.
Anyway, the point to my long waffle is that in our job pregnancy is something which happens frequently (obviously we're not put off by the ones that we teach, or maybe it's because we're convinced that we could do a better job as parents!!). The fact that TTC is so unpredictable adds to this. If you could pick when to get pregnant it would obviously be at the least inconvenient time but this isn't possible. Good luck trying & when you are successful be secure in the knowledge that the school will cover you. x
12/06/2013 at 19:21
I do totally feel your pain - I planned when we started TTC based around wanting to be due in mid-late Oct so that I could return to work in Sept (mainly to do handover / be an extra pair of hands) to trigger going up a pay increment, but leave almost immediately so the children could start the new year with the cover teacher.
As it happens, TTC plans worked perfectly (due 22nd Oct) but I quit the job due to bullying headteacher from hell and now work in a different sector of education, which just goes to show that with the best laid plans, things can go wrong or change. Instead I felt the guilt for leaving my slightly sensitive, tricky class part way through a year but not due to pregnancy. Enjoy TTC and trust that your form and classes will be absolutely fine!
12/06/2013 at 20:19
I know how you feel AR as I felt guilty for leaving my classes at Christmas. Your school will work around you and your due date, and your students will be fine.
12/06/2013 at 20:47
AR - I'm a teacher too. Work know my situation with both mcs (second being molar) and could not have been better. They know we will start trying again and are prepared for me being worse than useless if and when it happens. With my first mc it started the day before an A2 exam. I debated going in till my H put his foot down. We told the kids I was stuck with a flat tyre. This pregnancy had it progressed was perfect - due end of September. But now I just think what will be will be. The kids will cope, school will cover you and will cope without you. You and your family are more important than any job. As for that parent she wants stuffing.
Sorry that's a bit long winded. I'll shut up now!
12/06/2013 at 20:53
Thanks ladies. I know it'll all be ok, i know they'll cope without me. Whoever ends up doing my cover will probably be better than me!!! I think the complaints (not just one!!) about me going last time shook me a bit and somehow i feel a bit deceitful discussing plans for when i won't be around (whenever that may be, i know a BFP may take a while). Which is obviously ridiculous, my family is far more important.
Teachers guilt, second only to mummy guilt!!
12/06/2013 at 21:16
Teacher guilt is horrendous!
12/06/2013 at 21:25
I'm not a teacher but can understand your concerns. As others have said though, you really do just have to put yourself first. Slightly different situations but for years I always put work first and got myself stressed about every little thing and then one day I just realised that they wouldn't worry about me in the same way I worried about work. Since then, I've always reminded myself of that x
13/06/2013 at 00:05
I know, i'm always telling people that too. Work doesn't worry about you int he same way. It's different as a teacher though as you work are people, and young ones at that. That's what makes me guilty. Not my actual employers, i'm not remotely concerned about inconveniencing them
13/06/2013 at 18:03
Late to this but you need to think about yourself AR. I give my all to my work, but at the end of the day my H, my health and my family are more important. I very rarely take time off, but have to take some time off for blood tests this next month. I will only miss two hours each day, so four hours in total, which isn't even a full working day off, but I still ummed and arred at the doctors surgery. Then I thought tough - I need to have the tests and work will have to cope. As for parents complaining - I take it they didn't take time off work when they had a child?!!
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