Morning Lec,

how are you and the twins? hope all is good.

just wondered how you were getting on at night time? my girls will be 4 weeks old on Saturday and i'm struggling with night feeds. Have posted a general blog but wondered how you were doing it?

thanks for your help


Nic

hi, only just seen this, I haven't really had time to log on but we just got a laptop so I can come on quickly while I express.
Guess you'll have seen by now I replied in your other post, it's a real struggle and things are only getting marginally easier now they're 9 weeks (2 weeks corrected age).
I do get my husband to help in the night now though, I was trying to do one at once at times, and with expressing it was just too much, so unless he really can't (like when he had interviews the other week) I get up, get the bottles, change nappies, prepare all for the night time but ask him to help when they both need feeding at once. It's caused some rows at first, but I simply cannot cope, and when I nearly fainted holding a baby a week or so ago I think he realised just how much I was struggling and he's pretty good at the moment.

Where do you live? I'm in the Midlands near Wolverhampton, just wondered if you're anywhere near?

Hi Nic, how's it going? getting easier I hope?

Hope you're more in the swing of things now, I'm enjoying it very much now and am thinking of you

Lx

Hi, sorry for the late reply. How are you? have posted a reply to your playtime message too.

been having a cr*p few weeks to be honest, but its not to do with the girls. My Mum has just been diagnosed with terminal cancer and only has approximately 12 months - she's only 59. My hubby's Mum has also been diagnosed with terminal cancer and has approx 10 weeks. to top all of that off, hubby taken into hospital last week with bl**dy pleurisy!! my support network has therefore disappeared overnight and I am now supporting both mum's and my dad.

anyway, other than that, things are good. the girls are getting better in the evneing and we tend to do one, sometimes two night-time feeds. they are out of sync though so having to get up twice which i don't mind. would rather do that than wake one when they don't need/want waking. they still sleep alot during the day so am able to get everything done and still run a tight ship at home.

i've registed for Home Start and have my volunteer starting next week. not sure if you know about this or have it in Wolverhampton, but basically, if you have twins, you quality for 2 hours a week of home help. they will help out with the babies whilst you get on and get things done. can't wait for my lady to start....

how are yours getting on?

nic

Hi, I'm really sorry to hear how bad things are for you. I hope your husband is on the mend now and you're coping supporting your family through cancer. I can't imagine what things are like for you - are you managing ok?

I have a homestart volunteer and everytime I think about her coming I think about asking her not to come, but then when she arrives I'm glad to see her - more for the company for me than any help with the twins.

I think I'm losing my sanity a bit. I feel I haven't got a clue where to start and what to do with the twins. I think they seem happy enough, but we are like hermits, we virtually never leave the house apart from to go to the doctors. I don't have many visitors and I don't enjoy it much when we do cos the babies won't feed well off anyone else or are too distracted to have a full feed or nap then I have to pick up the pieces when they leave.

Sometimes I think we have a bit of a routine, and other times we haven't got one at all. The problem is feeding. They occasionally eat an entire feed, but often they like a bit then a bit then a bit... you get my drift. I always start the feed at the same time, but sometimes Liam guzzles the lot, other times we have real problems with wind though he's getting good at bringing it up without the feed coming up too, sometimes he'll refuse the bottle, have a snooze for 20 mins then have the rest.
Ellie's bigger than Liam (both nearly 12lbs now) and generally eats more, but we've been having to fight her to have the bottle in her mouth recently. She never cries to say she's hungry, we just feed her when Liam cries for his. If we leave her she'll go for far too long without eating, and then maybe eats her hands, but we've changed teat, bottle, holding her, not holding her (V pillow on settee) and her weight gain hasn't been great the last month, though she's not losing it. Once the bottle is in her mouth she'll eat, but by then she's tired out from the fight and falls asleep on the bottle. The health visitor has been no use, and I've tried teething gel even.

Anyway, the point of all this is because they're always feeding I just don't bother going out! Inbetween feeds they sleep loads, probably cos the feed takes us all the time they can manage to be awake for. If we go out they don't sleep, then they're a nightmare for the next few days. I just feel frustrated and like I'm failing them because I'm not providing them with a rounded life, and I'm going mental being in all the time. But then I keep telling myself it'll soon change, they'll feed less & sleep less then we can go out more, but by then they'll have been in the house for 6 months!

I'm starting to reduce the amount of times a day I express (currently 4 times a day) as that takes up my time & energy. It's been so important to me for them to have breastmilk, but I know we're getting to the point it has to stop with my aim to be finished New Year, and I've a supply in the freezer to carry on into the New Year for a bit.

Sorry this is so long...

just want to ask - is this normal or have I lost the plot?
What do you do with your babies when they're awake? Do you play / read all the time they're awake? or is it OK to put them on the babygym & go & wash the bottles or whatever?
How much do they sleep in the day?
How do you find getting out?

Thanks - and this isn't just for Nic, if anyone can help I'd be V glad!

Ok, firstly, you are not losing the plot, as much as it may feel like it!

I did used to go out everyday, and still do! Most of the time, when they were small, I would go out during one of their nap times so they would sleep and I could just walk! Did me the world of good. Wasnt always the best as they dont tend to like being in the buggy awake now but cant be helped! I made it so I didnt need to take anything with me for the first few months, except their changing bag with the bare essentials in. Now, at 13 months, I rarely take that with me unless I know im going to be a while!

Mine slept A LOT in the day to start with. They would sleep in their cot, buggy, bouncy chairs, anywhere they would!

When they were awake they spent lots of time on their playmat, in their bouncy chairs or on the floor. Sometimes I played with them, sometimes I got on with things I needed to do.

I will say though, I bf for 8 weeks and, while I loved every minute of it, I just couldn't keep going so I admire you for doing as you have. Im sure things would have been different had I have been expressing quite as much as you are! Well Done xxx

Thanks for your advice - we went out for a walk today! only for half an hour, and they cried when we got in, then Ellie coughed until she was sick, but it did me good to get out in the (cold) sun. It's got to be good for their senses too.

thanks for your encouragement about expressing too. I've cut expressing down to every 8 hours now, and am moving them closer to 50/50 emb/Nutriprem2 but am sure I'll look back and be v proud of myself.

Hi Lec, I'm so sorry for the late reply. My husband's mother passed away so everythings been abit up and down.....

i'm so sorry to hear that you think you are struggling - however, i cannot re-iteratie enough what Gemmiebaby says - you are NOT losing the plot. I'm very lucky in that my girls feed very well - i couldn't breastfeed so they are bottle fed and i can do both in 15 minutes. this had made it sooooo much easier for me. a friend of mine has twins though the same age as ours and she breastfed and was in the same boat as you. it really got her down as she'd spend all day feeding or expressing and rarely got out.

Believe you me, there are thousands of children out there who won't get anywhere near the amount of love, affection and care that you give your children so don't beat yourself up that you're not doing a good job or are failing them.

i love my girls dearly and would do anything for them, but i have a life too and jobs need doing so if that means they sit in their bouncers for an hour at a time, so be it. No harm will come to them and everything children do at this age is beneficial and educational - even watching CBeebies or listening to a nursery rhyme CD is good for them and allows you to get on with something. Evie still sleeps for a few hours during the day but Poppy only has about 15 minutes - think she's a freak of nature - she just doesn't need sleep. we go out every day as i'd go mad if i didn't, but also, i have a dog to walk so we have to. because i bottle feed, the girls can fit in with my routine and if we're going shopping or out for lunch, i can feed them on the go.

there's also only so much you can do with babies at this each - mine get bored after about 10 minutes of an activity. i tend to get on with jobs in the morning and do play time in the afternoon after our walk. they go to bed at 6pm and sleep through till we wake them at 10.30 pm for a dream feed. they were then going through till 4am but just over the last week, they've been waking every 2 hours so sleep is at a minimum at the mo. trying to suss out why and rectify it at the mo.

do you have friends or family that could come round to help out for a while or go out with you?

It will get better and before you know it, you'll be out and about every day, getting feeds done in no time at all and chasing your babies round the house.

Keep smiling and please get in touch soon.

Nic

Hi, sorry to hear your news, that's sad, esp close to Christmas.

it sounds like you're doing brilliantly with your twins, really pleased for you. Maybe they're waking cos they're starting to get hungrier now they're older, but they're not ready for weaning yet are they? will you wait til they're 6 months?

we've only got three weeks til we're starting on food! was really nervous after going to a 'baby led introduction to solids' class, but I've been online to a nurse on the Aptimil live chat, and someone else from Cow & Gate and am disregardng all I was told at the class and doing it the purree/mush route so feel a bit more excited now.

I'm only expressing 3 times a day now and the pump's going back 5 Jan so the end is in sight. I feel sad to be finishing the newborn stage, but ready to move on now. I'm tired and always cross at my husband (who's usually done nothing wrong poor chap) and feel that once they're on food & formula maybe it will be easier to get out.

We did go to our first twins group which I was pleased with so am going to that in the new year (finished for this year now) and baby massage in Jan, so I'm feeling positive.

Both babies have sore gums in prep for first teeth and it's adding a different challenge to feeding as Liam just wants to chew the teat! The don't have the hand/eye coordination to manage the teething toys I've bought them yet, but it'll come soon. In the meantime there's Teeta sachets & dentinox gel.

Seeing the pediatrician 14 Dec so looking forward to what he has to say about their development - and very much hoping he'll let us have Nutriprem on prescription a little while longer, I stop getting paid 22 Dec, eek!

if I'm not in touch beforehand have a magical Christmas with your little ones

xxx

hi Bennettnic
just wondered how you and the girls are all these months on? And everything with your family?