Got a devil at home? Let Jo Frost help

Q: Our 5-year-old daughter is an angel for everyone else but a devil at home. It’s like she’s become a teenager early! She’s always pestering her 4-year-old brother and answering us back. I’m sure she thinks we don’t love her, which is completely untrue. Please help!

Jo Frost says: When your little one behaves for everyone else but you, I’m afraid that means that at home, there are rules that aren’t being enforced the same way they are away from home.

This is about expectations and boundaries – when she’s with others, she knows they have expectations so she meets those expectations by behaving. You need to question what it is you’re doing to make her expect she can behave the way she is, and what you’re not reinforcing consistently. Ask yourself, when she answers back, whether she’s back-chatting or giving an opinion. Sometimes she might be trying to converse with you. If not, tell her firmly, “That’s not how we speak to Mummy”. Look at her relationship with her brother, too, as she’s obviously using him as a tool to get to you – and sees it working! Is she feeling left out and taking it out on him?

You need to step up the parental guidance and authority and show her that her behaviour has consequences at home, too.