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Mother’s Day after miscarriage: one mum’s story and how to support women through loss

Mother’s Day after miscarriage: one mum’s story and how to support women through loss

For women grieving pregnancy loss or struggling to conceive Mother's Day can be one of the hardest days of the year. Carea App founder Anastasia Shubareva-Epshtein explains why the day carries complex emotions for her – and how friends, partners and workplaces can offer more thoughtful support.

A woman holding a piece of baby clothing close to her chest to signify baby loss

Hollie Bond

Published: March 12, 2026 at 3:24 PM

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Mother’s Day is often presented as a celebration of flowers, cards and family lunches. But for many women, it brings grief, anxiety or longing.

For Anastasia Shubareva-Epshtein, founder of the pregnancy and postnatal wellbeing app Carea, the day has a particularly painful meaning: she miscarried on Mother’s Day.

Now, she wants more honest conversations about the women who are often overlooked on a day like this — including those grieving pregnancy loss or struggling to conceive.

'I miscarried on Mother’s Day. It changed the day forever'

Every miscarriage is a tragedy and a painful loss for a woman and her family, but losing a baby on Mother's Day seems particularly cruel.

"Experiencing a pregnancy loss is heartbreaking on any day, but going through it on Mother’s Day gave me a very different perspective on how nuanced this day really is," says Anastasia.

Society often presents it as a purely joyful occasion where flowers and small gestures are enough to make mothers feel appreciated, but the reality is far more complex.

Anastasia Shubareva-Epshtein, founder of the pregnancy and postnatal wellbeing app Carea

"Over time, I came to understand that this day should also acknowledge all types of mothers. That includes women who have lost a child and women who are longing to become mothers.

But whatever time of year you experience miscarriage, Mother's Day can be a tricky day to navigate emotionally.

"That first Mother’s Day after a miscarriage can be incredibly difficult," says Anastasia. "My advice would be not to push away the emotions that might resurface, but instead to allow yourself to feel them. It can be painful, but it can also be cathartic. It may also help to stay off social media or mute certain accounts if you feel they might be triggering during this time."

'After miscarriage and IVF, I felt intense anxiety'

Miscarriage can lead to a whole host of unwanted emotions. For Anastasia, it was overwhelming anxiety and guilt.

"In our research, we often hear similar emotions expressed," she says. "Many women feel guilt for not being able to give their partner the child they both long for, or they feel as though they are somehow not enough.

"Hearing women say these things can be heartbreaking. Having experienced those emotions myself is also what makes me so passionate about encouraging more open conversations around Mother’s Day. It is important that women feel safe sharing their stories and feel supported, no matter where they are on their journey."

A depressed grieving woman sits by the window at home.

It's not just on Mother's Day that Anastasia wants women to feel supported, though, but every single day of the year. And that's what inspired her to launch a platform dedicated to helping other women in the same situation.

I noticed that many pregnancy apps felt triggering because they did not reflect the emotional reality I was experiencing.

Anastasia Shubareva-Epshtein

"When I became pregnant with my rainbow baby after miscarriage and IVF, I experienced intense anxiety about miscarrying again," she says. "At the same time, I felt guilty for feeling that way and noticed that many pregnancy apps felt triggering because they did not reflect the emotional reality I was experiencing.

"Talking to other women helped me realise that many were feeling exactly the same way. That insight led me to create Carea, a platform designed to support women through fertility, pregnancy and postpartum in a way that truly reflects the emotional complexity of the journey.

The support many women need but don’t get

Looking back on that time in her life, Anastasia says two things would have made the biggest difference: support and knowledge.

After a miscarriage or during fertility treatment, women are often navigating an intense emotional experience while also trying to make complicated medical decisions. For Anastasia, one of the hardest parts was feeling that the emotional side of the journey wasn’t always fully acknowledged.

Support in the sense of not feeling alone would have made a real difference. Feeling truly heard by healthcare professionals, and also connecting with other women who had experienced something similar.

Anastasia Shubareva-Epshtein

That sense of community can be especially important during pregnancy loss, when many women feel isolated or unsure how to talk about what they’re going through. Hearing from others who have been through similar experiences can help validate feelings that are often difficult to express.

At the same time, access to reliable information can be just as crucial. After a miscarriage, women may suddenly face decisions about treatment or next steps, while fertility treatments such as IVF can raise a host of questions about how the body might respond.

“Knowledge is equally important,” Anastasia explains. “Instead of searching online late at night and finding conflicting information, having reliable guidance from trusted sources would have made the experience much easier to cope with.”

For many women, she says, having both trusted information and a supportive community can make an enormous difference during what can otherwise feel like a confusing and deeply lonely time.

What not to say to someone grieving this Mother’s Day

When someone experiences a miscarriage or struggles with fertility, friends and family often want to say something to make the situation better. But according to both Anastasia and mums in the MadeForMums Club, certain well-intentioned phrases can feel surprisingly painful.

One of the most common is the phrase “at least…”.

All of the ‘at least you know you can get pregnant now’ comments… it hurts and makes it feel like you should somehow be grateful for those things.

Nearly every parent we spoke to said that starting a sentence this way can unintentionally minimise the loss. Comments such as “at least you know you can get pregnant” or “at least it was early on” may be meant to offer comfort, but they can feel dismissive of the grief someone is experiencing.

“I think anything that tries to make light of the situation or put a silver lining on it is really unhelpful,” says Tanya Wise. “All of the ‘at least you know you can get pregnant now’ comments… it hurts and makes it feel like you should somehow be grateful for those things.”

Daisy Larkin, a mum of two boys who experienced recurrent miscarriages, agrees. “The absolute worst thing to hear is ‘well at least you can get pregnant’. I felt like saying: ‘yes, but that’s not very helpful when my babies keep dying, is it?’”

Similarly, comments such as “just relax and it will happen” can be particularly difficult for women navigating infertility or fertility treatment, where the reality is often far more complex and emotionally draining.

Other phrases can unintentionally diminish the significance of the loss, especially when it happens early in pregnancy.

“I had an early miscarriage and a friend said: ‘it doesn't really count, does it?’,” says Louise Donaghy. “Yes, yes it does. That pregnancy test opened a whole future life, which we lost.”

When people say ‘you can just try for another’, it’s as if they’re saying that little life was nothing.

For many parents, being told they can simply “try again” can also feel painful.

“When people say ‘you can just try for another’, it’s as if they’re saying that little life was nothing,” says Chloé Ritchie. As Tanya explains, the grief is about far more than a pregnancy ending: “We wanted this baby, had dreamt of a life with this baby. It’s not so simple to just replace them with another.”

Even comments meant to provide perspective — such as pointing out someone already has children — can sting.

“I got ‘well at least you already have a boy and a girl’,” says Sarah-Jane Tiffin. “That was a tricky comment to deal with, because it felt like they were saying ‘never mind’.”

The most helpful thing is for people to just acknowledge how horrific and unfair it is.

Instead, both Anastasia and the mums we spoke to say the most meaningful response is often the simplest one: acknowledging the loss and offering support without trying to fix it.

“The most helpful thing is for people to just acknowledge how horrific and unfair it is,” says Tanya Wise.

Simple phrases can mean far more than trying to find the perfect words. “Try ‘I’m really sorry for your loss’,” says Louise. “Or ask, ‘Is there anything I can do to help?’”

For many parents, simply knowing someone is there to listen — without judgement, explanations or silver linings — can make an enormous difference during one of the most difficult times of their lives.

How to support someone struggling this Mother’s Day

Different ethnicity female friends hold hands during confidential talk close up. Counsellor psychologist provide mental aid to patient at session in clinic, addicted patient professional help concept

Support starts at home and with family and friends, but Anastasia recognises that a lot of work needs to be done by companies and workplaces too.

"Mother’s Day has also become heavily commercialised, and it can feel painful when celebrations and marketing campaigns overlook the grief that many women are experiencing," she says.

"I would love to see more nuance in how this day is communicated and marketed. Some companies have started sending emails or posting messages encouraging people to mute or pause Mother’s Day content if they find it difficult, which I think is a thoughtful step.

"At the same time, there is also an opportunity to create more inclusive messaging that reflects the many different experiences of motherhood and fertility. The same awareness should also exist in workplaces. These conversations often need to start with leadership so that employees feel encouraged to approach days like these with greater empathy and sensitivity."

But while we wait for the businesses behind Mother's Day to catch up there are simple steps you can take to support anyone who may be triggered by the holiday.

"One of the most meaningful things someone can do is simply say that they are there," says Anastasia. "You do not need to have the perfect words. Listening, showing compassion and creating a safe space for someone to share how they feel can make a huge difference."

You can find more information and download the Carea app here.

Authors

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Hollie BondSenior Digital Journalist

Hollie is Senior Digital Journalist at MadeForMums. She writes articles about pregnancy, parenting, child health and getting pregnant. She has written for a number of national lifestyle magazines and websites over the past 12 years including Family History Monthly, You and Your Wedding and Muddy Stilettos. She has two children aged 5 and 8 and hasn't slept since 2017!