Home
Features
Are you messing up your child’s mental health without realising it? How parenting affects children's brain development

Are you messing up your child’s mental health without realising it? How parenting affects children's brain development

From gentle to authoritarian parenting, experts reveal how your parenting style can affect your child’s mental health and emotional development.

Parenting styles. Parents discipline learning children attachment type, strict parent authoritative permissive or neglecting, family upbringing theory, classy vector illustration of parent education

Hollie Bond

Published: September 9, 2026 at 9:45 AM

Save

This feature was first published on our Apple News channel. Follow us on Apple News to see content like this first.

Parenting is one of the most important – and most challenging – jobs in the world. Just when you thought navigating sleepless nights, potty training and toddler tantrums couldn’t possibly get any harder, it turns out that the very way you parent can have a profound impact on your child’s mental health and even their brain development.

While every parent wants to raise happy, healthy children, newborn babies don’t exactly come with a fool-proof parenting manual. In fact, most of us just go with the flow and see what works for our family and what parenting style develops over time.

However, science now shows that the way we go about raising our kids can have startling effects on a child’s mental health – even when the parenting comes from a place of love. Thankfully, it also shows what you can do as a parent to mitigate any negative outcomes.

Identifying your parenting style (or mix of styles) is the first step to understand how you’re impacting your child. Psychologists love to divide parents up into distinct types with the four main parenting styles widely accepted as authoritarian, authoritative, permissive and uninvolved.

These four styles then have several subcategories – that you’ll recognise from the hundreds of books and parenting guides they’ve spawned – including everything from gentle parenting and tiger parenting to helicopter parenting and even jellyfish parenting.

So which one is considered the best? What type of parent are you? And is your parenting style doing more harm than good when it comes to your child’s wellbeing and how their brain develops?

We spoke to child and educational psychologist Dr Kayleigh Sumner and analysed a whole host of recent scientific studies to reveal the parenting habits to avoid and the ones to adopt. Plus, you’ll also find advice for how to change your own approach to parenting if you think you need to – it’s never too late to make smarter daily choices to help shape how our children feel, think and cope with life.

What to see more MadeForMums in your search results? Tell Google!

From parenting news to expert advice and trusted product recommendations, make sure you don't miss the MadeForMums content that matters to your family. Add MadeForMums as a Preferred Source on Google.

Why does your parenting style matter?

Parenting doesn’t just shape behaviour – it can influence the way a child’s brain develops and how they experience the world emotionally. So, it’s a lot more important that we might think.

“Children learn how to manage their emotions by watching the adults around them. That’s why the way we parent—day in and day out—has a profound impact on their mental and emotional development,” says Dr Kayleigh Sumner.

“Parenting plays a crucial role in child development; early attachments and experiences serve as the core foundation of how children go on to understand and interact with the world around them. Like little sponges, children soak up the behaviour of the adults around them.”

Research tells us that the brain develops most rapidly during the first 5 years of a child’s life, this means parenting in the early years is critically important when it comes to brain development and shaping children’s social and emotional skills for the future.

Strikingly, a 2023 study[1] found that parenting styles can influence the entire trajectory of a child’s mental health. Children raised with consistent, supportive parenting were less likely to develop internalising symptoms like anxiety and depression or externalising behaviours like defiance. In contrast, unpredictable or harsh parenting increased these risks.

What’s your parenting style?

Not many parents fit perfectly into one parenting style, and most of us are a mixture of two or more or might even yo-yo between the styles depending on the day, how tired we are and the age of our children. However, you can loosely find your tribe below and then read on to discover what that style means for your child.

In the 1960s three main parenting styles were identified by psychologist Diana Baumrind with a fourth added based on her work by other researchers later. These are:

Father lecturing son in bedroom

1. Authoritarian

Think military-style discipline with no room for debate. Authoritarian parenting is all about rules, control and obedience. Parents who follow this approach set very high expectations – and if a child steps out of line, consequences are handed down quickly and firmly. Authoritarian parents rarely involve their children in decisions or ask their opinions. If you hear yourself say: “because I said so” on a daily basis you’re probably in this category.

Other authoritarian parenting styles: Helicopter parenting (where parents are highly involved, often to the point of overprotection) and tiger parenting (a style that is characterised by high expectations, strict discipline and a focus on achievement—especially academic success). Both helicopter parents and tiger parents tend towards the authoritarian end of the parenting spectrum.

Effects of authoritarian parenting on children: Studies and anecdotal evidence suggest that overbearing parents can limit a child’s ability to develop independence and resilience, while high expectations leave little room for emotional expression or autonomy.

A 2024 study[2] from Singapore found that harsh parenting in early childhood was associated with changes in the development of the amygdala, a part of the brain involved in emotional regulation and fear responses. These changes were linked to behavioural problems, particularly in girls. The study suggests that harsh discipline may disrupt the brain’s ability to manage emotions, increasing the risk of externalising difficulties like aggression or defiance.

Another 2023 study[3] from Cambridge University, involving over 7,500 families in Ireland and the UK, found that children exposed to hostile parenting at age 3 were nearly twice as likely to develop mental health symptoms by age 9. The researchers highlighted that early exposure to anger, criticism or harsh discipline can act as a form of social stress, like poverty or trauma, altering brain development and emotional resilience.

Mother and toddler wearing red shirt playing together on a bed in the bedroom at home

2. Authoritative

This style is what experts call the “gold standard” of parenting and what we should all be aiming for if we want happy, well-adjusted kids apparently. This style is all about balance – there are rules but also room for kids to make decisions and learn from their mistakes. Authoritative parents are warm and nurturing but still clearly in charge. They listen to their child’s feelings and explain why rules are in place. Discipline is used to teach children rather than punish them and comes in the form of reward charts, praise and consistent routines.

Other authoritative parenting styles: gentle parenting (a style rooted in empathy, respect, understanding and boundaries with parents working with their child to solve problems collaboratively) and lighthouse parenting (a term coined by paediatrician Dr Ginsburg that sees parents acting like a lighthouse by guiding, supporting and lighting the way for their children from a safe distance).

Attachment parenting also fits into this category. This style sees parents promoting physical closeness and favours a hands-on and very nurturing approach.

“When it comes to raising emotionally healthy and resilient children, many modern approaches focus on nurturing a secure attachment for building resilience for the future,” says Dr Sumner.

“Whilst there are many different approaches, those grounded in Bowlby’s Attachment Theory emphasise the importance of a strong, responsive bond between parent and child or caregiver—especially in the early years,” she says. “You can build secure attachments with your children by:

Recognising and responding to your child's emotions validating their feelings.
Fostering trust by being honest with your child and keeping promises.
Providing consistency with boundaries and routines.
“Research consistently shows that secure attachment in early childhood is associated with positive outcomes in later life.”

Finally, panda parenting (that allows kids freedom to explore independently) and dolphin parenting (who value creativity and independence alongside firm rules) can also be considered as authoritative styles.

Effects of authoritative parenting on children:

There are lots of studies that show that warm, nurturing parenting that still has firm boundaries builds resilience in kids and has positive outcomes for their mental health.

Some of the most recent research includes a December 2024 study[4] that found that children who experienced warm parenting in middle childhood showed better mental health outcomes during later stressful periods. These children also had brain patterns associated with stronger emotional regulation and stress resilience.

Another study in 2021[5] showed that positive parenting can even buffer children from the negative effects of a parent’s own mental health struggles. Supportive interactions between a parent and their child were linked to healthier brain connectivity, suggesting that warmth and responsiveness may serve as a protective factor.

Finally, research[6] on Chinese children aged 3 to 6 in 2023 found that authoritative parenting was strongly linked to better emotion management. Children with authoritative parents developed stronger self-control and social relationships, which helped them navigate challenges more effectively.

A child sits comfortably on a couch, focused on a tablet screen while holding a colorful lollipop. The cozy indoor setting highlights the playful moment of enjoying sweets and technology.

3. Permissive

Permissive parenting is the complete opposite to authoritarian parenting and is characterized by a lack of enforced rules, allowing children a lot of autonomy and only interfering when serious problems arise. These parents are likely to say things like “kids will be kids” and to act more like a friend to their child than a parent. Permissive parents are usually very warm and affectionate towards their children and hate “upsetting” them.

Other permissive parenting styles: Jellyfish parenting falls under the permissive parenting bracket. This style applies to parents who place a lot of importance on their child’s wants and needs but have few boundaries and low expectations of their children.

Effects of permissive parenting on children: Typically children of permissive parents have great self-esteem, however depending on how much freedom they’ve been given they can develop bad eating habits (increasing the risk of obesity) and can be impulsive, demanding, selfish, and struggle with self-regulation as they’re used to getting their own way.

Various studies[7] show that permissive parenting is most similar to authoritative parenting in terms of raising happy and confident children, however when it comes to behaviour, children of permissive parents were shown to have high levels of aggressiveness, antisocial behaviour problems, and lack of self-discipline.

4. Uninvolved

As the name suggests uninvolved parents pretty much let kids raise themselves. These parents don’t spend much time with their kids, aren’t concerned about their achievements or developments and don’t nurture them. In extreme cases these parents could also be considered neglectful.

Other uninvolved parenting styles: Free range parenting falls loosely into this category (depending on how free range it is!). This term is used to describe parents who give their children freedom and independence in public by letting them walk to school alone, play outside from a young age and explore freely. This type of parenting was more common in the 1950s – 1970s and fans of the style believe it promotes self-sufficiency and resilience.

Little boy sitting and looking bored while his parents are busy using their smart phones.

Effects of uninvolved parenting on children:

Parental monitoring – knowing where your child is, who they’re with and what they’re doing – plays a key role in their overall mental health. A 2023 study[8] found that inadequate monitoring was linked to increased anxiety in adolescents, due to its effect on the part of the brain involved in fear and safety. This doesn’t mean being controlling but rather staying engaged and showing your child that you’re setting appropriate boundaries.

When uninvolved parenting becomes neglectful, the outcomes are particularly bad for the child and include low self-esteem and a higher chance of acting out and even more chance of suffering from substance abuse.

There are some parenting styles that are so distinct they don’t even fit into any of the above categories. Take snowplough parents for example… who make it their life’s goal to remove any obstacles that might be in their child’s way and don’t want their child to struggle with anything.

Then there are the teacup parents, who treat their child like they’re made of fine bone china, worry about them constantly and are on first name terms at the GP surgery!

Of course, most parents don’t fit neatly into one category. Many of us use a mix of styles, depending on the situation or our own upbringing. But understanding the effects of each approach can help us make more informed choices when we feel ourselves slipping into parenting territory that we know isn’t healthy.

What does this mean for parents?

Reading about the impact of parenting on brain development and mental health can feel overwhelming – especially if you’re worried you’ve made mistakes. But the most important thing is that it’s never too late to change your approach.

Parenting is a journey, not a fixed style or identity and it’s constantly evolving. Plus, children are incredibly adaptable, and the brain remains flexible well into adolescence. Making small, consistent changes – like listening more, asking your child for their opinion, shouting less, or setting clearer boundaries – can make a huge difference.

Top tips for raising happy children

If you’re just starting out on your parenthood journey and you have a partner, it can be a good idea to discuss how you want to raise your child/ren in advance so you’re both on the same page.

Caucasian mother sitting on sofa holding hands and talking with son

“It’s important that parents openly communicate their values, boundaries and expectations for consistent and supportive parenting,” says Dr Sumner. “Whilst it can be natural to have differences of opinion sometimes, what matters is how parents take on challenges as a team to create positive family dynamics. This sense of partnership creates a stable and secure environment for children.”

If you’re further down the line and recognise patterns in your parenting that you’d like to change, support is available. There are lots of parenting courses, books, and family therapists that can offer guidance tailored to your family’s needs (as well as some brilliant pointers and an online course from Dr Sumner below). And if your child is struggling with their mental health, reaching out to your GP or speaking to the school is always a good first step.

No parent is perfect. We all have moments we wish we could erase (and hope the neighbours didn’t hear!). However, thinking about your parenting style and the effect it can have as you go about your day-to-day life can help you to build stronger, healthier relationships with your children.

I often remind parents that one of the most powerful tools in raising emotionally healthy children is often the most overlooked: taking care of yourself.

Dr Sumner

“Parenting is deeply rewarding, but it can also be emotionally and physically draining. In the rush to meet every need of our children, we sometimes forget that our own wellbeing is not a luxury—it’s a necessity.”

“Children are incredibly perceptive; they don’t just listen to what we say, they absorb how we live. When we model calmness, self-compassion, and emotional regulation, we teach them to do the same. Whether it’s taking a quiet moment to breathe, reaching out for support, or simply acknowledging your own feelings, these small acts help. You don’t have to be perfect—you just have to be present. Keep showing up, with love and grace for yourself too.”

So, don’t let the terms helicopter, snowplough, jellyfish and tiger confuse you. Keep things simple: aim to be a gentle and encouraging but fair and firm parent. If you find yourself resembling heavy machinery, a spineless sea creature or an endangered large cat – it might be time to reassess your parenting style!

Dr Sumner’s parenting dos and don’ts.

Parenting Habits for Building Resilience & Security

Respond with Empathy Validate your child’s emotions and respond with care. This builds trust and emotional intelligence.
Create a Nurturing Environment Regular, positive interactions support brain development and emotional security.
Encourage Exploration & Learning Offer age-appropriate toys, books, and games that promote problem-solving and curiosity.
Set Clear, Consistent Boundaries Predictable rules help children feel safe and give them the confidence to explore their world.
Be Present & Attentive Quality time, praise, and encouragement strengthen the parent-child bond and boost self-esteem.

Unhelpful Habits That Can Undermine Resilience

Inconsistency with Rules Confusing boundaries can make children feel insecure and anxious.
Dismissing or Ignoring Emotions This can damage self-esteem and delay emotional regulation.
Harsh Criticism Overly critical responses can lead to shame and fear of failure.
Comparing Children to Others This fosters feelings of inadequacy and impacts self-worth.

About our expert

Dr Kayleigh Sumner is a Child and Educational Psychologist and the Founder of Psychologyflows. With over a decade of experience working in education with children, families across the UK and UAE Dr Kayleigh Sumner created the ‘Parenting Mindset Journey’, an accessible evidence-based online parenting course. The course is designed to equip parents with the knowledge and strategies needed to effectively foster their child’s growth, development and resilience for the future. The course covers essential topics such as early childhood development, growth mindsets, establishing effective routines, managing emotions, sleep, screentime and so much more. Each module is crafted to provide parents with practical tools including a step-by-step manual, video modules and useful resources.

References:

[1] Katsantonis I, Symonds JE. Population heterogeneity in developmental trajectories of internalising and externalising mental health symptoms in childhood: differential effects of parenting styles. Epidemiol Psychiatr Sci. March 2023

[2] Koyama Y, Tiemeier H, Huang P, Chan SY, Sudo M, Kyeong Y, Meaney M, Setoh P, Tan AP. Harsh parenting, amygdala functional connectivity changes across childhood, and behavioral problems. Psychol Med. Oct 2024

[3] Katsantonis I, Symonds JE. Population heterogeneity in developmental trajectories of internalising and externalising mental health symptoms in childhood: differential effects of parenting styles. Epidemiol Psychiatr Sci. March 2023

[4] Michael C, Gard AM, Tillem S, Hardi FA, Dunn EC, Smith ADAC, McLoyd VC, Brooks-Gunn J, Mitchell C, Monk CS, Hyde LW. Developmental Timing of Associations Among Parenting, Brain Architecture, and Mental Health. JAMA Pediatr. 2024 Dec

[5] Kamis C. The Long-Term Impact of Parental Mental Health on Children's Distress Trajectories in Adulthood. Soc Ment Health. 2021 Mar.

[6] Li D, Li W, Zhu X. Parenting style and children emotion management skills among Chinese children aged 3-6: the chain mediation effect of self-control and peer interactions. Front Psychol. 2023 Sep

[7] Azman Ö, Mauz E, Reitzle M, Geene R, Hölling H, Rattay P. Associations between Parenting Style and Mental Health in Children and Adolescents Aged 11-17 Years: Results of the KiGGS Cohort Study (Second Follow-Up). Children (Basel). 2021 Aug

[8] Li Y, Zhou Z, Zhang Y, Ai H, Liu M, Liu J, Wang L, Qiu J, Rachel Han Z, Zhang Z, Luo YJ, Xu P. Brain development mediates the relationship between self-reported poor parental monitoring and adolescent anxiety. Neuroimage Clin. 2023

Authors

journalist and two young kids sat on a bench in France for a review of Eurocamp

Hollie BondSenior Digital Journalist

Hollie is Senior Digital Journalist at MadeForMums. She writes articles about pregnancy, parenting, child health and getting pregnant. She has written for a number of national lifestyle magazines and websites over the past 12 years including Family History Monthly, You and Your Wedding and Muddy Stilettos. She has two children aged 5 and 8 and hasn't slept since 2017!