‘Gender disappointment’ mum reveals how it feels when she *finally* gets the daughter she wanted

"As that screen came down I didn't even look at her face - my eyes were straight on the genitals. And I am pretty convinced that in the moment they told me it was a girl time really did stand still"

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When we shared a super honest post from mum Leonna Kettle about her gender disappointment – a fair few mums from our Facebook community totally got where she was coming from, and admitted that, they too, had a preference for either a boy or girl.

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Leonna was mum to a gorgeous little boy, but she’d always dreamed of having a girl – and at the time of writing her story, was pregnant with her 2nd child.

She made the decision not to find out the sex before the baby was born, but was made up to have the girl she’d long hoped for, who she named Luna Lilac.

So is becoming mum to a girl all she imagined it would be? And has giving birth to a girl changed her relationship with her little boy? Leonna shares her story below…

‘I started to become paranoid that other people knew the sex’

“In the 3rd trimester with Luna Lilac I started to suffer with prenatal anxiety, something which I had not had with Hugo-Blaze. I would lay awake at night consumed with worry – which is really out of character for me.

“I had so many symptoms pointing towards a girl and so it was hard not to entertain that thought, despite this I became convinced it was a boy and I started to become paranoid that people around me somehow knew the sex.

“The night before my planned C-section putting my son to bed for the last time as an only child was something that will stay with me forever.

“I walked out of his bedroom thinking to myself: “Can I love anyone else anymore than I do him, even if it’s a girl?” I felt immense guilt that he would not have me to himself anymore.

‘Time stood still when they told me it was a girl’

 “On ‘baby day’ the nerves really set in that I had waited 9 months to find out the gender. With no regrets and nothing but excitement we opted for the screen to be dropped.

“As that screen came down I didn’t even look at her face – my eyes were straight on the genitals.

“And I am pretty convinced that in the moment they told me it was a girl time really did stand still.

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“I could not hear, my vision was blurry, I was crying so hysterically that the anaesthetist told me I needed to calm down as my blood pressure was going so low.

‘I love my son more as I see him flourish into a big brother’

“I looked to my partner who was sat there with a blank stare In a state of shock and he said to me; “How lucky are we?”. 

“The answer to the question of ‘How do I feel?’ is that it is everything I dreamed of and more.

“The feeling of being complete is very real for me and if anything I love Hugo more and more as I see him flourish into a big brother.

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“I feel more at peace with myself that I don’t feel intensely jealous every time I see a baby girl.  

“I am still on Cloud Nine with my pigeon pair and the most interesting thing is that I thought once I had a boy and a girl I would be done but I already want more.

“I want to experience a pregnancy genuinely being one of those mums who can say: ‘I don’t mind what it is’.”

Images: Leonna Kettle

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