Constance Hall’s bio:
Constance Hall was born on 11 August 1983, in Perth, Australia.
She has a wildly successful (and sometimes sweary) mum blog with a reported 500k readers, as well as a whopping 1.1M Facebook fans and 299k followers on her @constanceandtribe Instagram.
She’s well known for her “brutal” take on motherhood and marriage, which has also informed her 2 autobiographical books: Like A Queen and Still A Queen.
Constance Hall’s relationships:
Constance was previously married to a British carpenter named Bill Mahon, with whom she has 4 children. They met in their 20s, and were married for 6 years.
They split in April 2017 – very sadly to a huge public backlash from Constance’s ‘haters’, after Constance revealed she’d found love with someone else.
She’s now married to her 2nd husband, Denim Cooke. They reportedly married in January 2018. He has 2 children from a previous relationship.
Later in 2018, the couple announced that they are expecting their 1st child together.
Constance Hall and Bill Mahon’s children:
- Billie-Violet, born 2010
- Arlo Love, born 2012
- Twins Rumi and Snow, born 2015
Constance Hall and Denim Cooke’s children:
Billie-Violet was born in 2010, and is Constance and Bill’s 1st child together.
Arlo Love Mahon
Arlo Love was born in 2012, and is the 2nd child of Constance and Bill.
Arlo took 1.5 hours to deliver, and was born prematurely – as were all of Constance’s little ones.
Rumi and Snow Mahon
Gorgeous twins Rumi and Snow were born in 2015. They are Constance and Bill’s 3rd and 4th children.
Constance Hall’s ‘parent sex’ rant goes viral
Constance burst onto the blogging ‘scene’ with a viral post in 2015 – all about her and Bill, pictured, having ‘parent sex’.
Here’s her now infamous post in full: “We had “parent sex” yesterday.
“You know what parent sex is, it’s that 3.5 minutes you get in between changing nappies and making food, where you notice that all of your kids are pretty distracted,
“Where you realise it’s been almost a month since you banged and are starting to feel like flat mates,
“Where your husband’s seduction consists of one finger pointing towards the bedroom and the other hand on his dick,
“Where you position the bed to have one foot against the door because for a loud bunch of kids, yours can be pretty quiet when they’re sneaking up on people,
“Where no matter how hot it is you chuck the doona on top of yourselves in case someone manages to barge through and catch mummy and daddy doing “yoga” in bed,
“It’s a pretty romantic scene really, listening to Iggle Piggle in the back ground, knowing your days are numbered when you here the ad break.
“Men are amazing and impressive creatures, by sheer determination, it’s inspiring how one can manage to “finish” under such circumstances, us women, aren’t always so easy.
“All the while gleefully thinking about how much of a sex goddess, vixen you are and how your fella is finally going to stop being an arse for at least a whole day.
“Well mine was pretty impressed, even if I just lied there, saggy boobs, baby belly pouch, hairy minge and all, he still thinks I’m amazing.”
Constance Hall ends her marriage – and finds love again
In April 2017, Constance and husband Bill Mahon made the decision to split up after 6 years of marriage.
Around the same time, Constance announced on Facebook: “We’ve made the decision to go our own ways.
“This decision wasn’t made lightly, obviously he has been the love of my life but we just weren’t making each other happy any more and have lived separate lives for so long now that it just seemed to fall that way.
“I was once warned that if you make yourselves redundant to each other, you won’t find a reason to stay together. I guess that kind of happened to Bill and I.
“We still love each other so much but we stopped enjoying each other and the kids stopped seeing happiness in our love, only contempt.
“It’s the right decision; despite being laced with doubt we have given ourselves so much time to consider all the options and I feel strong.”
But quickly their ‘amicable split’ turned sour, when it was revealed that Constance has begun a relationship with a new man, named Denim Cooke, pictured with Constance above.
It all kicked off after it was apparent she had taken her and Bill’s children on a visit to Ireland with Denim.
An angry Bill took to social media: “Constance? So you blocked me off your page but not your new lover’s that you ran away with.
“I haven’t seen the kids in four weeks. Stop lying about ‘I knew this was coming’,” he wrote.
“Constance Hall is on her way to Ireland without me. While I was working at our other house she met a guy that has not worked in 15 years because he blames the world.
“Now they are together and have run off with my four kids. I’m over it but this is not a Queen!!!!! This blog page is bulls**t and it’s all a lie.”
Constance exercised her right to reply in a touching Facebook post:
“From the bottom of my heart all I have ever wanted is a healthy relationship between my kids and their father.
“And the other man that I have supposedly “run off with” Denim, I can whole heartedly say that Bill and I were well and truly over well before I even developed any feelings for him.
“I warned my ex-husband many months ago that if he wanted to try and reunite he should do it before I give up completely. He did not reply.
“Recently he has expressed remorse for that, however now he is on a warpath to unite my haters and bury me.
“I am growing close Denim and his children and it saddens me so to see them all be trolled to this level due to some 2am lying rants from an ex husband determined to destroy me.
“I absolutely never left Bill for anyone. I didn’t cheat on Bill with Denim. I tried and tried and tried with Bill, so many tears and so much trying. My family and friends know the truth.”
Constance Hall marries Denim Cooke
In January 2018, Constance put the drama behind her and married Denim in a whirlwind ceremony at Karriview Lodge, Cowaramup, in Western Australia.
Sadly, it seems the nuptials drew more criticism from angry online commenters – though that didn’t affect Denim’s own recounting of his wedding day.
Describing the moment he saw his bride walking towards him, on his Facebook blog The Cooke Trinity, Denim wrote:
“Now it seems pretty obvious that Con is an amazingly attractive woman… you know it… I know it… hell the world knows it and I was prepared for it. I was cool and calm all day. I felt prepared. Everything had gone to plan.
“The moment Con walked out of the forest a tear was torn in the fabric of time, you probably felt it. She appeared to me after a rapturous applause at the end of the forest aisle.
“My heart immediately sank. I tried to compose myself but my my throat spasmed with that weird lump it gets and my tears flowed like rain.
“This woman was not from earth. She was translucent, ethereal and walking my way to become my wife.
“You have never seen an entrance like this woman created … sexy as f*** with the sexiest sass that rivaled any sex symbol of any time period.”
Constance later thanked fellow Queens (her affectionate name for her fans) for their kind words following the backlash.
Constance’s step-kids: Zeyke and Sunny Cooke
Not only did Constance marry Denim that day, she also became a stepmum to Denim’s 2 boys, Zeyke and Sunny.
Zeyke and Sunny are both teenagers, older than Constance’s younger children, and are avid skateboarders and surfers.
Blending any family, regardless of age, can be a real challenge – sometimes even a struggle. Constance ‘fessed up to the former, admittng of her new role as stepmum on Facebook:
“Blending families is really tough. You favour your kids, they favour theirs, you favour theirs and they favour theirs, so you resent that and you go back to favouring yours all while looking for the perfect equal, just wanting things to work.
“If either of you say anything that could be perceived as negative about the others kids you turn into a fierce protective bitch, you can’t help it, its instinctual.
“But you keep going, growing, letting your tolerance take over, teaching your kids the lessons they need to learn to be part of a blended family.
“Learning what is needed of you as a step parent and for us it was to take the whole parent part out of the roles.
“Neither of our kids were looking for new mums or dads, just friendship and another adult that wants to do stuff with them, can be there for them and to have fun with. That’s all they need.
“And most importantly remembering that we are the team.
“Me and Denzy, we are the ones who brought this chaotic glorious mess together, we are the glue, our time together and happiness is so imperative to it all making sense.
“Relationships with kids involved are bloody hard work, but the rewards are even more intense then meeting and marrying the person of your dreams.”
Constance’s 5th pregnancy (2018)
Constance Hall is pregnant with her 5th child – the 7th child total for the Hall/Cooke brood.
She recently shared in this 35-week bump update snap, taken on 9 May 2018, that she’s planned to have a C-section at the end of May 2018.
“I’ve decided against a Vbac (vaginal birth after delivery) thanks everyone for your stories and advice.
“I read some terribly sad stories and incredibly empowering ones, the decision came down a couple of factors, mainly body damage…
“One of my mates has a prolapsed arse and another has a prolapsed vag and the fact that I already have an inflamed bowel disease I just feel that I owe my anus more then this.
“My worst Vag delivery took 5 months to heal from, my C-section took 3 weeks.
I’m not justifying my decision, in 2018 Queen make decisions about their bodies, no justification needed. But this one took a lot of back and forth.
“Denim is all Zen and natural, he’d pull the baby out in the river and chew threw the cord if he could.
“So when I heard him tell me that he’d prefer I had a C-section I fell a little more in love with him. It’s my decision, but his opinion counts.
“So we scheduled in a C-section for the 28th, that was the earliest they’d give me.”
Fingers crossed Constance is able to have the birth experience she hopes for ?
Raja Wolf Cooke-Hall
On 28 May 2018, Constance gave birth to her 5th child via C-section.
She announced that she and Denim had welcomed a baby boy in an Instagram. She wrote:
“On Raja. Born at 2.46pm 38 weeks 4.2kgs. We couldn’t have dreamt a more perfect baby… we are blown away with support from you all ?”
Images: Instagram/Constance Hall, Instagram/Zeyke Cooke