Starting a family is the UK’s most anxiety-inducing life goal, new research finds
New survey reveals 1 in 5 Brits feel anxious about hitting this milestone ‘by a certain age’
Whether it's finding "the one", affording your first home, or stepping into parenthood, there's no shortage of pressure when it comes to ticking off life's so-called big moments. But a new study has revealed that it's starting a family that’s giving Brits the biggest dose of anxiety – especially when there’s a perceived deadline involved.
According to new research from Confused.com Life Insurance, 20% of UK adults feel anxious about starting a family by a certain age, and nearly 2 in 5 (39%) say that pressure from family is playing a major part in that anxiety.
And while many people also report feeling excited about the prospect of having children, experts say that excitement and anxiety often go hand in hand – particularly around major life changes that carry emotional, practical and financial weight.
Why starting a family feels so overwhelming
From the outside, starting a family might look like a joyful next step. But according to the research, a quarter of adults (27%) also reported feeling stressed or pressured by the expectation to start a family – with women, and people in their late 20s and early 30s, most likely to feel it.
Jessica Silva, life coach at The Restless, explains why this milestone hits differently: “For most people, starting a family is the biggest change we go through in life. It shifts our priorities and responsibilities, and our sense of self.
Taking on the new identity of ‘parent’ is huge and something most of us never truly feel ready for… it requires a shift in both how we see ourselves and in how we behave, and this can be a difficult transition.”
And while the pressure to start a family might feel like something that comes from within, the survey shows it’s often shaped by outside voices – 39% say pressure comes from family, while 26% cite societal and cultural expectations.
The UK’s most anxiety-inducing life milestones – ranked
When asked which life milestones made them feel the most anxious, Brits listed the following:
- Starting a family – 20%
- Moving out of the family home – 19%
- Buying their first home – 17%
- Finding or progressing in their dream job – 17%
- Getting married – 13%
The findings echo a long-term trend in the UK, with people having children later in life. According to the Office for National Statistics, the average age for women having their first baby in England and Wales rose from 23 in 1970 to 29.2 in 2022 – a shift that reflects changing priorities, career pressures and, for many, rising living costs.
Tips from a psychologist: How to ease the pressure around life goals
If you’re feeling behind or burdened by expectations – whether that’s having a baby, buying a home or simply knowing what your ‘dream job’ is – you're not alone. Dr Ravi Gill, a practitioner psychologist who worked with Confused.com on the study, shared these practical tips to help ease the anxiety:
1. Challenge the “social clock”
“Timelines for life events are socially constructed, not absolute,” says Dr Ravi. “There is no universally ‘correct’ age for parenthood or career milestones.”
2. Cut back on social media comparison
Social feeds can heighten feelings of inadequacy. Dr Ravi recommends curating your feed with content that reflects real life, not filtered perfection.
3. Practice self-compassion
Be kind to yourself when things don’t go as planned. Treat yourself the way you’d treat a good friend going through the same thing.
4. Shift focus to internal goals
“Look at what fulfils you, not what looks good on paper,” says Dr Ravi. This might mean prioritising emotional wellbeing, hobbies or relationships over ticking boxes.
5. Use mindfulness to stay present
Mindfulness can reduce the spiral of ‘should be further along by now’ thoughts and help you stay grounded in what’s going well right now.
6. Set flexible goals
Rather than rigid timelines, allow for detours and unexpected changes. Life rarely goes exactly to plan – and that’s okay.
7. Talk it out
“Discussing your feelings with friends, a therapist or support groups can make a huge difference,” says Dr Ravi. “You’re not the only one feeling this way.”
Big decisions = big shifts – and it’s okay to take your time
Tom Vaughan, life insurance expert at Confused.com, says it’s no surprise that big moments like starting a family or buying a home cause emotional ripples.
“Life’s big moments all come with a shift in priorities. Each milestone marks a new chapter, and with it, new responsibilities that can shape your lifestyle in ways you might not expect,” he says.
“These changes can be exciting, but it’s also a time to take stock of what matters to you. Being aware of how your life evolves means you can make better decisions – whether that’s how you manage your time, money or long-term plans.”
And for those feeling overwhelmed by what they should have done by now? Let this be your reminder: milestones aren’t races. You’re not behind – you’re just doing things on your own timeline.
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Authors
Ruairidh is the Digital Lead on MadeForMums. He works with a team of fantastically talented content creators and subject-matter experts on MadeForMums.