Having three children is officially the most stressful, according to 7,000 mums
Mums with three children report higher stress than those with fewer — or more
If you’re a mum of three and feel like life’s a whirlwind of school runs, snack requests and referee duties, you’re not alone, and now there’s data to back you up.
In a large-scale survey of 7,164 mothers, three emerged as the number of children most closely associated with high stress levels. Interestingly, the survey found that mothers of three children were more stressed than those with one, two, or even four or more children.
On a 1 to 10 scale, with 10 being maximum stress, the average score was 8.5. But mums of three reported feeling particularly overwhelmed, suggesting that this number marks a tipping point in daily demands and mental load.
Why three’s a stress crowd
While it might seem logical that more children equals more chaos, the findings suggest something else is at play. Once families reach four or more children, some mums report that things actually get easier, a phenomenon some researchers and parents refer to as “the critical mass effect.”
“There’s just not enough space in your head,” explained psychiatrist Dr Janet Taylor, a mum of four. “The more children you have, the more confident you become in your parenting abilities. You have to let go... and then you’re just thankful when they all get to school on time.”
This sense of surrender may help explain why mums of larger families sometimes feel less pressure; they’ve learned to embrace the mess, delegate more, and worry a little less about perfection.
The stress of being outnumbered
For many, going from two to three kids is the breaking point, not because three is a massive number, but because it tips the scales of hands-on control.
“You only have two hands,” said author and parenting blogger Jill Smokler. “Just crossing the street and not being able to physically hold all their hands I find tremendously stressful.” She described the jump from two to three as a point where everything felt “turned upside down.”
This resonates with many parents who feel outnumbered for the first time, a dynamic shift that brings more logistics, more bickering, and less one-on-one time with each child.
What’s really stressing mums out?
While the number of kids clearly plays a role, the survey revealed that a lot of the stress mums experience is self-imposed:
- 75% of mums said they put more pressure on themselves than they feel from others.
- 60% reported a lack of time as their biggest stressor.
- 46% said their partner causes more stress than their children.
- 9 out of 10 said they stress about staying fit and attractive.
Dr Taylor said she regularly sees this kind of stress in her practice: “Mums are acutely aware of the fact they do not have the time to take care of their own needs. Forget reading a book, exercising, or hobbies, some mums barely have time to shower.”
How to cope when it all feels too much
Dr Taylor recommends a simple mental reset: “Take five minutes and draw a pie chart showing how you actually spend the hours in your day. Then flip the paper over and draw a pie chart of what you’d like to be doing. Pick one thing from the second chart, something for you, and find a way to fit it in.”
Other mums swear by small shifts: saying no to overpacked schedules, limiting after-school activities, finding babysitting support, or even just going for a solo walk. “Instead of making the perfect lunch for your kids, go for a walk by yourself,” said Taylor. “Even if it’s just 10 minutes, take some deep breaths and focus on what you need.”
The takeaway for parents of three (or more)
It’s no surprise that parenting is hard, but it turns out three might be the trickiest number for mums. If you’re there right now, juggling small hands and big feelings, know that you’re not imagining it.
But also take heart: mums of four or more often report things get easier again, partly because they become more confident, partly because they stop trying to do it all.
Whether you’ve got one, three or six, the message is the same: parenting is demanding, and looking after yourself matters just as much as looking after your little ones.
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Authors
Ruairidh is the Digital Lead on MadeForMums. He works with a team of fantastically talented content creators and subject-matter experts on MadeForMums.