“We ignored the fact we were expecting for the first 13 weeks”: one mum’s story of pregnancy after miscarriage

Following a miscarriage at 11 and a half weeks, Laura Dabbs admits that when she found out she was expecting just 3 months later, the 'joy' of pregnancy was gone

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When Laura Dabbs became pregnant around 3 months after having a miscarriage, she admits the joy that had been there the first time around just wasn’t present.

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Laura’s second pregnancy did go full-term, and she and husband Luke now have a beautiful baby girl, Lola, with whom Laura is pictured.

Here, Laura explains how her miscarriage affected her next pregnancy, and has even made a difference to the way she marks the milestones in her daughter’s life.

Laura’s story

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“I miscarried at 11 weeks, and when I became pregnant again just a few months after it had happened, I must admit – there was no joy in the early days of that pregnancy.

“I remember doing the pregnancy test and I knew I was expecting. I told my husband, Luke – and there was no happiness. Just a kind of, “Oh well, let’s see what happens.”

“I bought loads of cheap pregnancy tests, and did them all the time – maybe every other day – as well as buying the ones that showed how far along I was.

“The miscarriage was an awful time, and it made this pregnancy different. You’re much more guarded and reluctant to tell people.

The strategy Luke and I used was to completely ignore the fact we were expecting for at least the first 13 weeks...I just didn't want to be invested again.

“My birthday fell in the 13th week of pregnancy…people wanted to know why I wasn’t drinking, so we told them our news.

“But, really, we’d have liked to have kept it to ourselves for a bit longer – it really does cause a lot of anxiety when you’ve been through a miscarriage before.

“I remember feeling constantly worried up until 25 to 26 weeks: the scans were the hardest because I was 100% convinced there was nothing inside me.

Before each scan I tried to use relaxation techniques and calm myself down because I would get so worked up thinking that was the day I'd get bad news. Having spoken to friends about it though, I found that this is incredibly normal.

“I started having talking therapy after my miscarriage, and was still doing this when I became pregnant again, and it really helped.

“Plus, I had a friend at work who’d had a baby after a miscarriage – so she was living testament to the fact that you can experience miscarriage and still go on to have a baby.

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“Now I am a mum, and Lola’s here – and she’s just amazing. She’s crawling, and trying to walk and is so funny and has a great sense of humour.

“But – I think partly because of the miscarriage – we don’t put as much stock into the ‘milestones’ as perhaps some people do: we’re just happy to have her here.”

Pics courtesy Laura Dabbs

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