Baby Sham is a term coined by Keith Barker-Main, in Suit Dreams & Tightmares, and if you personally haven’t had a Baby Sham, you’ll at least know someone who has!
Whether it’s a congratulations you’ve had the baby party or toddler tea party, a Baby Sham is a great way to pretend that the celebration is for your little one. However, if you’re honest with yourself, you know it’s mostly about getting a chance to socialise with other ‘big people’ and have a cheeky glass of something alcoholic. Yes, it’s a sham alright!
You’ve just gotten married and have barely cut the wedding cake before you hear the whispers of, “When are the babies coming?” If this sounds familiar, it looks like you’ve been baby bullied.
But it’s not just newly weds who suffer. You may have just endured an epic labour and have your dinky newborn in your arms when the questions start up again about when the next baby will join the clan!
For more on how to identify baby bullies or how to find out if you’re one, check out our baby bully low down.
OTTT stands for “over the top tot”. And we all know one.
OTTTs are always wearing the latest ‘it’ baby gear, complete with accessories, such as blinged up dummies and bespoke baby booties. They travel in only the finest transportation (think Silver Cross Balmoral).
Your first night out without your precious newborn baby and instead of kicking the door down and skipping into town, you’re ringing, texting and skyping your baby-sitter. This common new-parent condition is, according to Keith Barker-Main, author of Suit Dreams & Tightmares, the sitter jitters!
Chadults – or child adults – rock outfits that’d make Lady Gaga blush and boast the kind of poise and bank balance that makes most adults green with envy.
These child adults are freakishly grown up despite not even being in double digits yet. While we suspect parents (yes, we mean you Will Smith!) are behind the rise of the chadult, we still feel uneasy when we see pics of Tom Cruise’s Suri donning a pair of heels and clutching her Starbucks coffee.
Are you getting back into shape post-birth? Is your buggy your new exercise buddy? Sounds like you’re a sprog-a-jogger. If you have a 3-wheeler and aren’t afraid to use it, you’re just going to have to live with this fab buzzword from Suit Dreams & Tightmares, by Keith Barker-Main.
If you’ve had a hard day and you hear yourself saying, “I NEED a drink”, but then hear it repeated by your impressionable toddler, it’s time to adopt the code word for “Mummy needs a vino.” Giggle juice is a winner – if your little one decides to repeat it, at least you know social services won’t be knocking at your door.
Just as you start to get your life back to normal with the help of an extra set of hands, you can’t help but ponder how impressive your hired au pair is. Like, really impressive… she’s svelte, intelligent, barely breaks into a sweat when multi-tasking and speaks seven languages. Jealous? You bet!
The domestic goddess gets on like a house of fire with your children, who start calling her “Mummy 2” and they cry and winge when she leaves each day. Worried you’ll be ditched? You’ve got Au Pairanoia!
If you have a case of female Au Pairanoia, why not hire yourself a Manny? The male nanny does everything a female nanny can, without the added stress that he’ll replace your role as mum. In fact, it’ll be dad’s turn to get the jitters. A growing trend among working parents, the ‘mannies’ are steadily becoming the nanny of choice. Mary Poppins who?
Otherwise known as an out-of-body experience all new parents will encounter. After the 100th nappy change, it all starts to seem a bit deja poo, according to Suit Dreams & Tightmares author Keith Barker-Main. We agree!