'Please stop judging us': inside the daily lives of mums raising neurodivergent kids

Step into that parent's shoes for a moment. That child you're judging isn't being naughty – they might be overwhelmed, dealing with sensory overload in a world that feels loud, chaotic and terrifying.

They could be autistic or have ADHD (attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder), DMDD (disruptive mood dysregulation disorder) or any number of neurodivergent conditions.

The parent you're judging may have already fought a dozen battles just to get out the door, only to feel vulnerable and hurt by judgement and stares.

For parents of neurotypical children, no matter how empathetic, it's impossible to truly understand what raising a neurodivergent child is like. That's why we asked 14 incredible mothers from our MadeForMums community to share their truth – raw, unfiltered and in their own words.

This is what they want the world to know about their children, their daily reality and how small acts of understanding could make all the difference.

1. Not every neurodivergent child is the same

If there's one thing nearly every parent we spoke to wishes others understood, it's this: no two neurodivergent people are the same – even if they share the same diagnosis.

Just like neurotypical children, each neurodivergent child is completely unique, with their own strengths, sensitivities and ways of seeing the world. Assumptions – even well-meaning ones – can get in the way of real understanding.

When you've met one autistic person, you've met one autistic person.

Just because a child (or adult) has been diagnosed as autistic or having ADHD doesn't mean they have fulfilled all the criteria of that condition. Some children may have several neurodiverse conditions or may only meet some of the criteria of one.

"They are all as different as you and me, so please don't compare," says mum Gabrielle Marie.

Mum Dani Spear knows from experience exactly how different the same conditions can be: "My three children and I are all diagnosed autistic, and my middle child and I are also diagnosed ADHD. Each one of us is unique and very different, with our own story to tell."

2. Different isn't wrong – or weird

Weird is not a synonym of different, so it's important to remember that just because neurodivergent people see the world differently to you, that doesn't make them (or you, for that matter) odd.

Different doesn't mean wrong.

"My autistic 3-year-old isn't 'weird' or 'abnormal'," says mum Kayleigh Archer. "He just looks at the world in a different way to someone who's neurotypical. Different doesn't mean wrong. And my dyslexic daughter isn't 'stupid', she just needs a little bit of patience and extra support with certain aspects of her schooling."

3. The stares and judgement don't help

As much as we try to stay open-minded, judging others is a deeply human instinct – and for some reason, parenting often seems to magnify it. Whether it's a passing glance or a quiet assumption, many parents of neurodivergent children feel that judgement sharply, often when they're already doing everything they can just to hold it together.

In fact, in 2021, a global study by IPSOS¹ revealed that eight in 10 parents feel judged for the behaviour of their children.

Neurodivergent children may be more prone to sensory overload and meltdowns in public places, and fear of judgement can be enough to stop their parents wanting to leave the house.

"Don't just assume it's naughty behaviour or a lack of discipline," says Joanne Hellowell. "When you see a child upset and screaming – they are clearly struggling."

Please don't stare at my child. It makes me feel judged and under pressure.

Some parents of neurodivergent children with additional needs even avoid public places at all costs. "I can't take my twins on the simplest of trips any more; I rarely leave the house," says mum Hollie Campbell.

<"Simple things like soft play or the park fill me with fear," says Hollie. "We stay in our safe space at home where we are not judged and the boys can stim, make strange noises, walk around with no trousers and be happy."

I feel like I constantly need to wave a banner above my head saying: 'They are disabled – please stop judging our every move'.

Sometimes the smallest acts of kindness can really help a parent of a neurodivergent child.

"I hate the stares we receive from almost everyone in public if my daughter is loudly stimming or having a meltdown," says Samantha Lee Morrell. "I do, however, really appreciate a knowing smile or look of reassurance. Parenting can be a challenge enough without the judging and unsolicited advice of strangers!"

4. Comments can have big consequences

Words carry weight – often more than we realise. Many of us were raised on the mantra 'think before you speak', and it still holds true, especially when talking about children who experience the world differently.

"The way we describe those who are neurodivergent really can make all the difference to how they are viewed by others and how they feel about themselves," says Kayleigh.

"So many people don't seem to think before they act and speak, and don't realise the impact their actions can have on others and their mental health," says Samantha.

A little thought and kindness in this world wouldn't go amiss.

5. Simple daily tasks can be a huge struggle

Every parent has tough days with their kids – but for families of neurodivergent children, even everyday routines can feel like uphill battles.

Daily activities that many of us take for granted can be huge hurdles to overcome for some families.

"Simple daily tasks can be overwhelming, and things that seem small to others, like transitions, noise levels or food textures, can cause immense distress," says Mirfat Band.

"Food texture issues are a huge challenge for many neurodivergent children," says Mirfat. "It's not just about being 'picky', but about genuine sensory discomfort that can make certain foods feel unbearable. Many of us have to find creative ways to ensure our children get proper nutrition while respecting their sensory needs."

Parenting is exhausting – that's something most of us can relate to. But for many parents of neurodivergent children, the emotional and physical toll is magnified by constant challenges, unseen battles and a world that isn't built with their child in mind.

He just wants to be loved and included.

"I feel like I need a lie down and a cry after I take my poor boy out sometimes," says Kayleigh.

6. Social situations are hard, but exclusion is harder

Social situations can be challenging for some neurodivergent children – and for their parents, home often becomes the safest, most manageable place to be.

It might feel considerate to leave them off the invite list, assuming it's one less pressure – but in reality, that quiet exclusion can feel isolating.

Every day is different, and for many parents, being included – even if they have to say no – can mean everything.

Keep inviting us, even if we might not be able to come.

"And check in on your parent friends," says Laura Louise. "They may not reply for days, but they see your message or meme and appreciate it."

And if a mum friend with a neurodivergent child is able to join a playdate, party or day out, try to meet them with understanding – they might need to leave early or change plans at the last minute. What looks like a sudden exit is often just them doing what's best for their child in that moment.

"I wish there was a way to politely tell other parents that one or two hours max is all my daughter can cope with on a play date before she needs space and a break," says Philippa Jane.

She needs breaks just as much as my husband needs glasses to be able to work.

7. Some of our parenting choices might not make sense at first glance – and that's okay

Every family has its own way of doing things, and what works for one child may not work for another. For parents of neurodivergent children, routines, boundaries and strategies can sometimes look extreme or unnecessary from the outside – but they're often essential.

"Sometimes my choices seem hard" says Emmeline Parker Boreham, mum to an autistic child, "but they're about safety".

Our house is like an army camp – lots of routine and structure. Without it, we have meltdowns.

Mum Kimberley Adamson agrees: "We have now and next charts, emotions charts, food charts for the week and sensory bedrooms at home."

These decisions aren't about over-managing – they're about creating stability for children who live in a world that can often feel unpredictable.

8. Teaching children about differences helps everyone

An estimated 15–20% of the global population is neurodivergent² – which means that throughout life, every child will encounter people who experience the world in different ways. Whether or not those differences are visible, understanding and acceptance start early – and they start with the adults in their lives.

"I wish parents of neurotypical children knew the importance of teaching them about differences and to be considerate, accepting, kind and thoughtful," says Samantha.

For Kimberley, schools also have a crucial role to play: "I think primary school children should be taught about neurodiversity. This would've helped our daughter, who was bullied for being autistic at senior school."

Helping children understand that different doesn't mean less – and that kindness matters – can shape a more inclusive future for everyone.

9. Getting the extra help our children need is hard work

Beyond daily challenges, many parents of neurodivergent children face overwhelming admin – from endless forms to assessments and meetings – just to secure the support their child needs.

Several mums in our community shared how hard they've had to fight for EHCPs (education, health and care plans), or to find a school that truly understands their child's needs. And while some may question the importance of a formal diagnosis, for families, it can be a turning point.

Diagnoses are not pointless. They help people understand that you're not just loud and disruptive – you have ADHD.

10. The spectrum isn't a straight line

It's tempting to think of the autism spectrum as a physical shape – a nice, neat straight line that you can plot people along depending on the severity of their condition. However, it's not like that at all.

"The spectrum isn't linear," says mum Jodie Gibbons. "It's so infuriating to hear terms like 'they have it mildly' or 'they must be high functioning'."

Mum Georgina Selcraig agrees: "I have two boys with ASD (autism spectrum disorder), my youngest is also registered blind. I wish people had a better understanding of the spectrum and that it is not the case of a straight line of mild to severe. It's a big crossover of circles and, as a result, means everyone is so different."

If there's one thing these mums want us to remember, it's this: a little more understanding can go a very long way.

References:

^{1. Perceptions of being judged as a parent, IPSOS, March 2021}

^{2. Doyle N. Neurodiversity at work: a biopsychosocial model and the impact on working adults, Br Med Bull, 2020.}