What teachers wish parents knew – but never say at parents’ evening

Think of this as your unofficial school report, direct from the staffroom. Except this time, it’s not your child under review—it’s you. And let’s just say… some of us might not be meeting expectations.

Searching for unnamed possessions isn’t in our job description

Sewing in name labels is annoying and time-consuming, we get it, but with brilliant iron-on or stick-on labels these days, there’s no excuse for not naming all your child’s possessions. A surprising number of teachers in our community felt passionate about this point – and were keen to highlight how disruptive it is for them when 30 parents email to ask them to look out for their kids’ coat/ bottle/ PE kit/ shoes… the list goes on.

“Name your uniform,” says teacher Sarah Elizabeth. “And if you have second-hand uniform rename the name or it will be returned to the original owner. In fact, name everything – bags, bottles, shoes, PE kits, socks or anything that can be lost.”

While all teachers understand that kids will inevitably mislay their possessions (some more than others!), the addition of a correct and clear name can help them to help you enormously:

“When you say it's not named but it's blue age 7-8 you are describing every jumper in the class! And if you don't name it, don't expect it back!” says Kelly Rae.

Louise Dz agrees: “Please name things and then check the name is still legible – I spend half of my PPA (Planning, Preparation and Assessment time) looking for unnamed missing things!”

When they go to secondary school you might presume your child is grown-up enough to keep track of their possessions, but this isn’t always the case. “Please don't stop labelling things,” says secondary school teacher Maria Tinnuche Ayling. “They go into so many rooms, and we don't know who has left what – water bottles, PE kit, pencil cases, coats the lot...”

Teach your kids some basic self-care skills before they start school

Teachers are not the same as nannies, childminders and nursery staff and by the time your child starts reception year there really are some basic skills they should have mastered that will allow the teacher to do just that… teach. Remember most teachers will have around 26 children in their class, which is the UK average for 2025, and that is a lot of coats to hang up, water bottles to unscrew, noses to blow and even bottoms to wipe!

Some people might be surprised to hear that anyone wouldn’t have potty trained their child before school, but according to a 2024 poll via the Teacher Tapp app for Kindred Squared, nearly half (44%) of primary school teachers have at least one child in their class who isn’t reliably toilet trained – and a quarter have two or more. Even more worrying, one in 10 say there are three or more children in their class who aren’t yet toilet trained.

Imagine how disruptive having to take kids to the toilet can be for teachers. To put a number on it, the same survey found teachers are losing an average of 2.4 hours of learning time every day helping pupils catch up on developmental milestones – a significant issue as schools juggle stretched resources and rising classroom demands.

“Please, please if you do one thing to get your child ready for school, make sure it’s that they can go to the toilet independently and wash their hands afterwards,” says primary school teacher Helen Walter.

There are other practical skills teachers would love your kids to be able to do too though – things like being able to zip up their own coat or unfasten their own lunchbox. These might seem like little tasks to you but when you times them by 30 they can take up half the time that’s meant to be spent teaching phonics/ having lunch/ doing PE.

“Please teach your child to tie their own laces, or at least buy Velcro shoes,” says teacher Laura Holland. “As a secondary DT teacher, it’s surprising how many even in KS4 don’t know how to tie their shoes! It really helps with tying aprons/sewing and so many other things,” says Stephie Jade Barton.

Another valuable skill to teach your school-aged children is how to get themselves dressed. “Spend time training your child on getting changed and how to organise their belongings!” adds Hannah Marie.

It’s not that teachers don’t want to help your child, it’s more a question of time and resource…

“Remember your child is in a class of 30 all with their own needs and wants. We do our best to notice things and take care of them but might not notice every little thing!” says Kelly Rae.

Make sure your child has the right equipment to learn

PE without trainers, geometry without a set square, literature without the reading book and let’s not even get onto missing homework… it can be rather frustrating for teachers when their pupils turn up to class without the materials they need to effectively learn.

While it’s important to get children to think for themselves and bear responsibility for their own stuff, remember they’re only young, very easily distracted and not always sensible so their school bag might need a little second check by a parent from day to day.

“Follow the equipment list and check in periodically with your child!” says Gemma Wood. “I do not have five spare calculators, glue sticks or pens at all times!”

And make sure what they do have is age appropriate. Amazingly one parent thought a Year 1 child would be fine with a glass water bottle:

“Please buy a water bottle with a straw when they are in KS1,” says Hannah Marie. “And never a glass water bottle – yes, I’ve had a child with a glass water bottle before, and yes, it did smash!”

And teachers would appreciate it if the water bottles weren’t metal either! “I’d love to tell parents how annoying metal water bottles are, as they clang whenever they are knocked over, which is about 20 times a day! Also, please don’t send them in with those ridiculously huge water bottles either!”

Once your child gets to secondary school it’s time to teach them to start being a bit more independent and organising their own educational needs though.

“Encourage independence (especially at secondary age),” says Kelly Marie N-M. “Make sure they pack their bag the night before, and that they have stationery!”

Work with your child’s teachers not against them

Teachers want the same thing for your child as you do – for them to reach their academic potential and enjoy themselves while they’re doing it. But so often parents seem to forget this and don’t spend time and energy fostering a good mutual relationship with their child’s teacher to reach this goal together.

So, next time you rush to email a teacher demanding to know why a certain school decision has been made, consider for a moment that maybe it was made in the best interest of your child’s education or social situation at school.

“Teachers are not against you, they want to work with you,” explains Fez Huseyin McLoughlin. “Trust the teacher's judgement when they create a seating plan for example. We cannot tell you the needs of all the children, a lot of thought goes into where the children are sat in class. Speak to the teacher first before consulting social media!”

“Have some trust in school staff,” says secondary school teacher Louise Rose Mansell. “Do not believe everything your child says to be the gospel truth. Investigate it first and support when sanctions need to be put in place. Ask lots of questions whenever you are unsure, we would much rather that, than have you worrying.”

It’s also very important to work with your child’s teacher on behavioural problems and hear both sides of any story before thinking your child is always an angel and the teacher is ‘wrong’.

There may be something seriously upsetting a child who is acting up and together you need to get to the bottom of it. Even if there’s no major reason for the behaviour, it’s not a good example to show a child that you’re siding with them over their teacher because that tells them they can do it again with no consequences.

“Please work with us on behaviour management,” says Hannah Marie. “If they’ve not behaved how they should at school, we need your support to reinforce this message at home.”

Remember there’s one teacher and 30 kids (plus their parents)…

Imagine having 30 kids… now imagine having 30 kids and a constant barrage of emails asking you to make sure each of those 30 kids drinks their recommended amount of water each day, complaining that they came home with their shorts on back to front or to asking you to make sure they get to their piano lesson on time. It’s enough to make you need a lie down in a darkened room.

So, spare a thought for the teachers who successfully multi-task and manage that many kids on a daily basis and still meet you at the school gates with a smile on their face!

“Teachers are there to support every child, and we want every child to do well,” says Kelly Marie N-M. “However, there is only one of us and often over 30 children in a class. We do our best to offer 1:1 but can struggle with the limited resources we have due to lack of government funding.”

Natalie Smith agrees it’s a real juggle and would like parents to remember this: “I have 30 children to teach, help, and support – it isn't just your child. So, no I cannot double check they have had a drink/gone to the toilet/got all their belongings all of the time.”

And don’t fall into the trap of thinking that because teachers get all the school holidays off that they don’t work as hard as the rest of us.

“Most of us work 12-hour days, as well as on weekends and holidays. We’re not complaining, but don’t assume we work 9-3 and get weeks and weeks of holiday!” says primary school teacher Claire Barrett.

Make school and home one seamless learning journey

It’s not just about supporting teachers’ tough decisions though. One of the most valuable ways you can support your child and their teacher’s efforts is by continuing the learning journey at home too. Parents who are positively involved in their kids’ education and engage with a teacher’s work at home make a real difference to a child’s progress.

In fact, there is substantial evidence[1] that parental involvement in a child's education is linked to better academic outcomes as well as improved social and emotional development, so, it might be tiring (and sometimes boring) but it’s worth putting in the extra graft with your child.

“Support your child with their homework, by making dedicated time for it,” says Kelly Marie N-M. “Homework is set to help children absorb the learning that has taken place in the classroom and sets them up for revision in their older years. And encourage them to read – this really is the most amazing key to learning.”

Many of the teachers we spoke to agreed that parents reading with their child was one of the most important things they could do. And teacher Louise Rose Mansell suggested you make it a regular and enjoyable part of your week: “Read for pleasure at home as much as possible – make it a date with hot chocolate and biscuits.”

“The best thing you can do to support your child at school is to read with them every day,” says teacher Claire Barrett. “You can also help them learn their times tables and number bonds (e.g. number bonds to 10 are: 1+9, 2+8, 3+7 etc.). This knowledge will help them across so many areas of maths and is essential. Help them learn spelling too. Ask the teacher for spelling rules rather than just having kids memorising the words.”

Keep up to date with school communications and encourage older students to check too

Drowning in life admin emails? You’re not alone! However, schools rarely send out communications that aren’t important, so it pays to at least give every email a cursory glance before you press delete just in case it contains a nugget of valuable information.

“I’m the operations manager at a primary school,” says Shauni Spafford. “My absolute pet peeve is when parents say the school is terrible at communication, or that they ‘had no idea’ about a show/non uniform day/ school trip despite us sending out emails, letters in bags, a weekly newsletter and Dojo software reminders!”

No child wants to be the only one in uniform on a non-uniform day or the only child without a costume for the show, so even if it feels impossible – try and carve five minutes out your day to check for school communications. Your child (and the school staff) will thank you for it!

Of course, at some point you have to start transferring this responsibility to your secondary school child (who let’s be honest is probably far better with technology than you are anyway!). This is an important step and instead of just presuming they always know what they need at school, you’ll want to oversee the process and encourage them to check their school communication on a daily basis.

“In secondary school students should check Google classroom (or other online learning websites) for homework every day,” says Emma Pez. “There’s no excuse to say they didn’t know!”

Keep teachers in the loop with anything major going on at home

What goes on at home affects school and vice versa. You’d expect your child’s teacher to tell you about anything that might be upsetting or worrying your child at school so you need to extend the same courtesy to them.

They need to know if something is up at home in order to help your child handle any big emotions that erupt in the classroom. It could be something as simple as moving house or a new baby sibling arriving or something much bigger like a worrying medical diagnosis in the family or a divorce.

“EYFS and KS1 children tell their teacher everything – yes really everything – and they often have a much better grasp of what’s going on than you’d think,” says Louise Dz. “So, please tell teachers briefly if there are problems at home… for two reasons. Firstly, so you can work as a team to support your child and secondly so there’s no misunderstanding of what is actually happening.”

Hannah Marie agrees: “Don’t be afraid to share things that are going on at home with the teacher, we are there to help as best we can, and it can help us know what’s wrong if your child behaves differently. And ask us what you can do to support your child!”

Try not to transfer your schooling likes and dislikes onto your kids

Your child might be genetically half you, but that doesn’t mean they are you and they may excel (and not excel) at completely different subjects. Add in the fact that it’s probably been around 20 years since you were last at school (yep really!) and that a lot has changed since, and their educational experience might not reflect yours at all.

So, saying things like “oh god I hated PE, I was rubbish at it and just hid in the locker rooms” or refusing to help with maths homework because “maths was not my subject – it’s so hard!” can have much bigger consequences for your child than you might realise.

“Please don't say to your kids that you hated maths and weren't good at it,” says teacher Maggie Goffin. “It puts in their mind that they will also struggle and a lot of kids we see resitting GCSE maths can actually pass if they were to try! Instead, they just put a block up and don't try as they think they will just fail, which is really difficult to break down again. Part of maths is getting it wrong and retrying.”

Teacher Nikki Jones agrees about not transferring subject fears: “Never tell them ‘I’m rubbish at maths’ – it’s the biggest confidence killer. I teach primary, and it almost validates for some children that they will never get it and that it’s ok not to try to, as their parents have survived without it.

“Maths anxiety is a huge thing. It’s really hard to break but really easy to create with a few misplaced comments. A good teacher will work with parents to support homework if they are unsure. Teaching them ‘this is how I did it’ is also not helpful as it causes confusion with newer methods.”

Remember times have changed since you were at school so teaching your kids the way you used to do things isn’t a good idea: “Please don’t try and guess how to teach your children phonics or follow under qualified people on social media,” says Claire Barrett. “The alphabet is NOT ah, buh, cuh, duh, eh, fuh. It is not your fault for not knowing something you were never taught but ask your child’s teacher for help or follow someone who knows what they’re talking about.”

So, there you have it—the school parents’ end-of-year report. And while there might be a few areas to work on (we’re looking at you, unlabelled jumpers and glass water bottles), there’s also plenty of time to turn things around. After all, just like our kids, none of us are perfect—but with a little effort, support and teamwork, at next year’s parents’ evening you could be getting top marks all round.

About our expert

Melanie Sanderson is the managing editor at The Good Schools Guide, the only impartial and unbiased source of advice about schools and education which has been helping parents for nearly 40 years. She has advised countless families seeking the right school for their children and reviewed hundreds of prep, grammar, state and independent day and boarding schools. As a parent of two school-aged sons, Melanie fully empathises with other families’ educational dilemmas.

References:

[1] Kantova, K. (2024). Parental involvement and education outcomes of their children. Applied Economics, 56(48), 5683–5698. https://doi.org/10.1080/00036846.2024.2314569

Read more:

• 7 expert-approved ways to support your child’s learning at home without becoming a pushy parent
• The secret language of school: 44 words you’ll hear on the playground (and what they mean)
• School readiness secrets: what experts say every child should know before starting reception