Have neurodivergent kids, will travel: how to explore the world on their terms

So when those changes are amplified by the unpredictability of travel, it's no surprise that extra support and preparation are essential.

Parents of neurodivergent kids deserve a holiday as much as the next frazzled parent, so avoiding travel for an easy life isn't always the way forward. A relaxing holiday that the whole family enjoys is a possibility, but it's all about preparation and adjusting your expectations.

“Many families have a huge degree of anxiety about travelling with neurodiverse family members,” says Paula Hansen, founder of World Accessible Holidays.

“Often the anxiety relates to people staring at you, because perhaps your child is kicking the back of a seat, they don’t want to stay in their seats or are being disruptive.”

“Parents are more worried than they should be – they have a right to travel and enjoy time off in different countries with their loved ones.”

The key to holiday bliss is to think ahead to every possible moment that could trigger your child to have sensory or emotional overload, and have strategies in place to deal with it or to stop it arising at all.

Before you start gazing into a crystal ball, we've done the hard work for you – highlighting the most common moments along the holiday itinerary that could cause stress for a neurodivergent child.

We've also got expert advice on how to manage each holiday flashpoint so you can replace meltdowns with memories and routine with relaxation.

Planning and preparation

Holidays involve precision planning – and none more so than a holiday with an autistic child. Before you set foot on a plane, train or automobile you'll want to…

1. Choose a specialist travel agent or company

Package holidays are the ultimate one-size-fits-all option. And as a parent of a neurodiverse child, you'll be only too aware that one size does not fit all in life!

If you're not booking everything separately yourself, it can be a good idea to research travel agents who can create a package that's perfect for your individual family's needs.

Specialist travel agents in the UK include World Accessible Holidays, Limitless Travel, Go Beyond Holidays, DisabledHolidays.com and Willy Wonka Travel.

It's also worth knowing that TUI has a Customer Welfare team to support neurodivergent travellers and has recently launched sensory rooms in some of its resorts, Royal Caribbean has autism initiatives on board its ships and Beaches resorts offer autism-friendly rooms and services.

LEGO is well known as a brilliant toy for autistic brains, so it'll be music to your ears that LEGOLAND resorts are also part of the Hidden Disabilities Sunflower programme and have a range of services and facilities in place for autistic children.

British Airways, Virgin Hotels and Center Parcs have also partnered with Hidden Disabilities Sunflower to help individuals with non-visible disabilities, including autism, to have a stress-free holiday.

These companies can offer everything from dedicated chefs to cater for food sensitivities to priority boarding and special seating to help with travel anxiety.

2. Think carefully about your destination

Choosing where to go isn't as simple as sticking a pin in a map, and some of the "classic" family holiday destinations might not be right for you.

Consider making a list of all the things your neurodivergent child loves/when they're at their happiest, then make a list of what you and the rest of the family desire from a holiday. Certain items on the lists might cross over, for example peace and quiet, sunshine, outdoor activities, etc.

Once you have these keywords you can start to home in on countries or holiday types that suit. Or, if you're worried about judgement and dedicated facilities, you could head to one of the countries that rank as the best in the world for being autism-friendly. Topping the list is Sweden, followed by Iceland, Norway, Australia and Canada.

Destinations like Dubai, with Emirates airlines, have really good information for families with neurodiverse children and make an effort to support customers,” says Paula. “Spain also has additional services that can be booked for airport assistance, which few people know about, and these are specifically aimed more at neurodiversity rather than mobility.”

You’ll also want to consider how to get to your destination and whether the type or length of travel could be stressful for your child.

A short flight is a must if travelling for the first time,” says Paula. “With the rise of slow travel, train travel can also be a good option, as there’s plenty of room on European trains, the ability to walk around, and viewing decks to watch the world go by. Disneyland Paris is a fantastic option as you can board the Eurostar or drive via Le Shuttle.”

3. Involve your child in the process

As sudden change is a known catalyst for many neurodivergent children, it's best not to surprise them with a holiday. Instead, help to reduce their anxiety and slowly introduce them to the idea of going somewhere different by drip-feeding information about the trip and involving them in the decision-making.

By letting them make some decisions they will feel a sense of ownership and will know what to expect ahead of time. It will also significantly reduce their anxiety about the unknown.

Include your child by: asking for their help choosing a destination using visual aids such as maps, brochures and pictures; giving them a choice of activities to book ahead of time; creating a physical countdown calendar so they know exactly when it's happening; and discussing all the potential challenges and situations with them so they can start to think about how they'll approach each one.

On the move

Busy airports, long journeys and waiting around for hours are enough to make anyone lose their cool, and for autistic children it can be unbearable. To help make it easier you'll want to…

1. Research autism-friendly travel hubs

Not all airports are created equal, and some can be busier and more anxiety-inducing for your autistic child. In 2016 London Gatwick was given an Autism Friendly Award thanks to its downloadable visual guides, lanyards for neurodiverse travellers and sensory room in the North Terminal.

Other UK airports to consider if you're travelling with an autistic child are Manchester Airport (which has sensory rooms, priority lanes and assistance) and Birmingham Airport (which has a special guide for autistic travellers).

You can find a list of autism-friendly airports around the world on the Hidden Disabilities website.

“If travelling by plane, I’d suggest booking seats that make sense to your family,” says Paula. “For example, we have a client whose daughter loves touching hair to soothe her, so we book seats so that dad always sits in front of her. We have another client whose child kicks the back of the seat, so another family member sits in that seat in front, which eases tension and anxiety.”

2. Ask for assistance in advance

If you think you might need assistance for your child at an airport, train station or cruise port you can find it, but it's essential to book ahead of time.

“All families have the right to travel the world,” says Paula. “And it’s possible to do this when you have the right support, so don’t be afraid to ask for it.”

The specialist travel companies mentioned above can book assistance for you within your itinerary or you can do it yourself via the websites or helplines for the places you're travelling from/to/through.

Assistance can include anything from priority lanes and speedy boarding to allocating special bulkhead seats on the plane and giving access to sensory rooms. Some airlines even have boarding passes for autistic travellers or give out sensory packs. If you're worried about the judgement of other passengers, consider asking for a sunflower lanyard for your child.

“Talking to the air stewardess during boarding helps hugely, so that they’re aware of any complexities and support you may need,” says Paula. “They can also manage other passengers too!”

Remember that airlines and airports, trains and train stations, and ports and cruise liners are all separate companies so it's best to contact them individually to ensure the assistance and awareness of your child's condition is seamless.

3. Have plenty of distractions

Being contained and belted into a vehicle for several hours is hard for any child to deal with. Children with ADHD often process information at a much faster speed than neurotypical children and so need lots of distractions.

Having an arsenal of activities in your bag can also be a great distraction for children with autism to help keep their focus away from any strange sights and sounds.

There are lots of dedicated autism- and ADHD-friendly travel packs to buy online or in shops, or you could collect items with your child in the run-up to the holiday and put them in a separate bag. If your child benefits from using a weighted bag, you can put everything in a rucksack for them to carry themselves.

Having some sort of device such as an iPad with age-appropriate programmes or educational activities downloaded can be a lifesaver on a long trip with any child, but it's important to consider how your child usually reacts to screen time.

For some neurodiverse children, healthy amounts of screen time can be reassuring and calming, and help them to regulate. For others it can have a negative effect and increase anxiety and stress, resulting in challenging behaviour.

Other excellent options include sensory buckets full of lovely things to feel, a travel journal for them to fill in as your journey progresses, fidget pop toys, water painting books, Rubik's Cubes, a device for playing audio books such as Yoto or Toniebox, or the Audible app on your phone, and suction toys for plane or car windows.

4. Plan rest stops ahead of time

Taking lots of breaks as you travel might make the journey longer, but it will be calmer and happier if you do. Some children might benefit from a nature walk or a visit to a sensory garden, or might need to stop somewhere that's quiet and off the beaten track.

Just pulling up at a busy, noisy and potentially dirty service station for a toilet break or lunch could be a recipe for disaster. If you're doing a road trip, it's a good idea to plan ahead and find stops just off the main road that have the facilities you need, such as open space, play areas and the sort of food your child will be happy with.

You can show your child pictures of your chosen stops online (look at websites, reviews on Tripadvisor and social media) before they arrive too, so they can see where they'll sit, what they'll be eating and even what the toilets look like.

Arriving and adjusting

Familiar surroundings are important to help neurodiverse children feel safe and secure, so holiday accommodation comes with its own unique set of hurdles for them. To help your child have a smooth transition from home to hotel you'll want to…

1. Book a room that suits your child's needs

Your house is set up to make sure your child is safe, secure and happy, so your holiday accommodation needs to work just as hard, otherwise you'll come home feeling like you need to go on another holiday.

If you child is prone to wandering off, you need to be sure that your room or accommodation is secure inside and out, so you don't have to watch their every move. If they have any problems with mobility, you'll need to request an accessible room.

Think about the sleeping arrangements too – will your child cope in a separate room, even in the same cottage? Do they need a camp bed next to your bed? Is the room light and airy enough for them? And will they have space to move around?

“If you have the means, when you are booking accommodation, then there are some lovely brands who have private pools, rooms with X Boxes and in-room service included in their all-inclusive offering,” says Paula, “so it’s possible for you to stay in if the children have become overwhelmed and don’t want to face the resort that day/evening.”

When you arrive, be sure to carry out a risk assessment of the room and areas you'll be visiting most during your stay to give you peace of mind that your child will be safe while you're attempting to relax.

2. Talk to the hotel or accommodation owners before you arrive

We all know that photos can be deceiving – making things look larger, brighter, glossier than they really are.

No one wants a nasty surprise when they arrive at their accommodation, especially when you have a child with ASD, so it's a good idea to call ahead to explain your child's needs and to check that everything the hotel or accommodation promises online will indeed be in place when you arrive.

3. Bring comforting items from home

Some children will find the adjustment easier if they recognise important items from home such as their own pillow, their comforter on the bed or some of their favourite toys. If you can, try and access the room before your child does and set these bits up for their arrival.

4. Give them time to adjust

It can be tempting to go straight into holiday mode as soon as you arrive and head out on a trip to the beach or a first activity. Depending on your child, though, you may want to allow that first day of holiday for them to explore the room and spend some time adjusting to their new surroundings before you introduce any new sights and sensations.