What NOT to say to someone who’s had a miscarriage

Ever heard any of these - or the #DontSay campaign from UK charity The Miscarriage Association?

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Going through a miscarriage is a truly traumatic experience – so much so, that often those around you aren’t quite sure what to say to help.

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Of course, most comments come from a good place – but they don’t always quite hit the mark as a new campaign from The Miscarriage Association reveals.

As part of its #say #dontsay campaign, It asked people to share some of the things people had said to them after a miscarriage that really didn’t make them feel any better – and also asked them to share what they would have found helpful.

And they got loads of responses, like the ones below…

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Other things not to say also included:

  • What do you think’s wrong with you?
  • At least you know you can pregnant
  • Time is a healer
  • Focus on your other children
  • You just need to get over it

But, what should you say? Here are a few ideas:

  • That must be tough for you, I’m so sorry
  • I’m here for you when you want to talk
  • I am angry at the universe for you
  • (or a simple) I’m so sorry.

Mums on social media agreed they’d heard plenty of less than helpful comments after miscarriage.

“I had ‘maybe you should be happy with just the one you have’ after I had an ectopic and tube removed,” said one on Facebook.

 “Or ‘what did you do’ – got this comment from my best friend and it really hurt me,” said another. (We bet ?)

And quite a few said that, if words failed, a hug would have been just the right thing for them ?

What do you think?

Have you found people struggled with what to say after you had a miscarriage? Maybe you’ve had a friend who’s been through it and weren’t sure what to say yourself?

Tell us your story on Facebook or in the comments below.

Images: Miscarriage Association on Facebook

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