Sometimes, someone just totally hits the spot with a Facebook post and manages to describe exactly how we are feeling.
And today, that person is Gylisa Jayne, a mummy blogger from Cornwall, who has expressed in one short update everything we have ever felt about coping with all the newness of parenthood, combating loneliness, and finding someone who understands what it’s really like to be a mum. Mummy friends, in other words.
Yeah, we all said it pre-kids – or even when we were still pregnant – that we wouldn’t be THAT mum who only hung out with other mummies talking about the best non-leak nappy, or whether cabbage leaves or damp flannels worked best to ease sore boobs.
We all swore we’d never give up our nights out with the girls, or feel the need to endlessly discuss our birth stories. Then our babies came and – gulp – we realised that we not only wanted to talk about all that stuff, we needed to.
We needed mummy friends.
And Gylisa has quite beautifully summed up why:
“I never wanted ‘ Mummy Friends’.
“I didn’t want to sit in noisy soft plays, or talk about different coloured shit. I didn’t want to have knowledge about best nappy brands, or know exactly how many fanny stitches we all had.
“I had a preconceived idea that Mummy Groups were vicious cliques, and I hadn’t been in one at school – I didn’t plan to start now.
“I didn’t need them anyway, I had my soul mate – my baby daddy. The man I had chosen for this journey. He would be there for everything. I didn’t need anyone else.
“Then I had a baby, and I needed someone. The network I should have had, simply wasn’t there. My midwives were too busy, I hadn’t met any of them twice.
“My Health Visitor was a vanishing woman – still talking about phone numbers and triages and children’s centres I’d never heard of as she walked herself out. Never to be seen again.
“Then there was my partner. My chosen mate. The first love of my life. The man that knew what I needed before I did.
“Only he didn’t understand me anymore. He was trying to figure out his Dad Role. He didn’t understand why I was crying about putting the kettle in the fridge. ?
“He didn’t know why I’d forgotten to take the parcels to the post office. He didn’t know why I had no love left over for him.
“I didn’t want ‘ Mummy Friends’. Until I realised that no one else would understand me like they did.
“The ones that had been there, done that. The ones that were fumbling through for the first time – just like me.
“The ones who had had every argument you can imagine with their husband.
“The ones proving you didn’t need to lose yourself along the way. That you’ll find a new you as you go.
“The ones who needed me just as much as I needed them.
“I made them laugh, and they made me howl with our observations of this bizarrely fabulous and horrendous journey.
There was no clique, just women loving women – despite what you might have heard.
“I had love left over for my partner again then. Because he might not get it – but there were scores of women that did.
“So I didn’t want ‘Mummy Friends’… I needed them ?x”
Oh hallelujah, right? HOW relatable is this?
Mum friends are just so important, aren’t they? And not just for the comparing-stretch-marks-and-weaning-tips – all the important stuff, too.
Remember how Adele spoke out about how her mum chums got her through her post-natal depression when her non-mum friends just didn’t get it?
Just proves that it really doesn’t matter WHO you are when the blues strike, and that only another mum can really understand what you’re going through…
Well done Gylisa – your post has totally struck a chord ???
Images: Gylisa Jayne/Facebook