Stacey Soloman dotes on her son, Zach, 3, but she has admitted it wasn’t an instant bond after he was born when she was just 17.
“I looked at Zach – I suppose I must have had some love for him as I had given him a name – and thought, ‘What am I going to do?’ I didn’t really want to hold him. I didn’t resent him. I resented myself and all I could think was that my life was over,” Stacey said in her book, My Story So Far.
Stacey thinks the pressure to breastfeed her son made her feelings worse.
“I couldn’t express my milk well so he was constantly at my breast. I felt like a human cow and I hated it. Then one day I told mum, ‘I really don’t want to do this anymore,’ she could see I’d reached my limit and at this point my health visitor was in agreement, so I was “allowed” to try bottle feeding. I think there’s far too much pressure on mums to breastfeed,” Stacey said.
The turning point in Stacey’s relationship with Zach came after her mum suggested she went on holiday with her friends, leaving Zach at home with his nan.
“I didn’t think I’d miss Zach when I was away but I did, most days I’d ring mum and ask her to put the phone by his ear and would tell him I loved him and missed him. When I saw him after that week away I felt overwhelmed with love. He looked at me and smiled,” said Stacey.
“I imagine it’s what mums usually feel when their baby is first handed to them. I just had it a few months late.”