10 things pregnant women don’t want to hear (ever)!
Pregnancy is hard enough as it is, so why do people insist on spouting unhelpful comments at expectant mums? We round up some big offenders and suggest handy MFM alternatives
You look tired
We’ve got the 10 lines mums-to-be dread and the alternatives you need your other half/ family/in-laws/co-workers to read…
You look well
On the one hand this seems quite a nice thing to say to a woman, but for a pregnant mum-to-be this probably means you’re ‘glowing’ with sweat after enduring several bouts of morning sickness. No mum will appreciate anyone noticing that! It also makes us feel we’re overcoming some hideous illness, rather than preparing to have a baby. Why not try complimenting our hair, clothes or shoes instead?
They’re not little for long
Pregnancy with a toddler in tow can feel like a marathon with no finish line at times. So when this is said by smug extended family members who are reveling in the chaos of your child’s behaviour for an afternoon, it’s as welcome as a gas bill. It’s normally at those particularly testing times – like when they’ve just used your favourite shirt to clean their paint covered hands – that you’re encouraged to marvel at the beauty of their youth! While reacting like the worst has happened isn’t very helpful either, why don’t they offer to take the kids out for a bit of fresh air? This will tucker out the kids and leave you free to sob into your shirt for 10 minutes…
It’s only a phase
Ok, so they might have been there, done that, got the t-shirt, but why don’t people just let you have 15 minutes on the soapbox? It’s pretty obvious the problem will pass – you just want to moan about it! What a mum-to-be needs when dealing with her other child’s “phase” is a pair of listening ears. Or at least someone who can nod or frown at the right times so it looks like they’re listening.
Like holding a red rag to a bull, telling you to relax is about as useful as a chocolate teapot. It’s extremely unlikely that any pregnant woman on hearing these words is going to think, “Ah, that’s just the solution I needed!” Especially when your baby is treating your bladder like a bouncy castle, you feel faint, sick, tired, have backache… Our advice would be to tell your friends that in these situations they should do something useful. Top suggestions at MFM HQ include: put the kettle on, run a bath, put a load of washing out – generally give us a break!
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Your body will never be the same
Brilliant, they might as well just point at you and laugh while they’re at it! The worst thing about this is that it generally comes from other women who have already had children. You’re more than aware of the potential droops, stretches, lumps and bumps and you’re quite keen to hold on to the hope you won’t have veins reminiscent of a map of the M40. Encourage your fellow mummies to tell you something good about the changes to your body, like the likelihood of fab hair at week 12. That’s more like it!
What’s for dinner?
It’s annoying enough when you’re not pregnant! Does everyone else get lost on the way to the kitchen, only managing to make it as far as the table (or the sofa!)? Because you’re eating for the health of your bump, it seems to be taken for granted that food is all you’re thinking about. In fact, it probably is all you’re thinking about, but that doesn’t mean they can’t offer to cook for you! Again, this is worth major Brownie points.
My mum used to make the best…
Way to knock your confidence before you’ve even started! Mums tend to be quite keen to be good at rustling up treats for their kids’ friends, but let’s face it, there’s always the supermarket. Unless your ‘advisor’ has an easy to follow recipe to hand they want to cook themselves, suggest they visit their own mum to enjoy her apparently award worthy cooking.
Is it your hormones?
This is usually offered up by the very person who has just made your blood boil. Women’s hormones may be all over the place during pregnancy, but highlighting that you seem a bit grumpy is hardly going to help. The key is not asking why we’re grumpy, but how you can make the grumpiness go away. A foot massage is a top suggestion. You can only pull out the pregnancy card for a while –make the most of it.
I’ll do it later
Like pushing dominoes over too early, this is always going to annoy super organised pregnant women. You’ve asked them to do something at that time for a reason. Whether it’s bringing the washing in or unloading the dishwasher, advise them to do it when you ask or risk seeing a pregnant woman blow. It’ll save a lot of unnecessary feelings of anger and noiseless screaming into pillows (yes, that is what we do, amongst other silent gestures!).