21 of the funniest things we’ve said in labour

"Maybe I'm not having a baby. Maybe I'm just being a drama queen..."


Nothing you hear or read about can quite prepare you for labour, right?


As well as being pretty painful at times, it can be a rather a surreal experience for some of us too. 

We say the funniest – and strangest – things that must leave the midwives, doctors and our birthing partners more than a little perplexed.

Here are some classics from our very own mums…

1.  “When the doctor told me the membrane was gone, I started singing ‘Insane In The Membrane'” – Bernadette

2. “After my son’s head was out but before delivering the rest of him, I told everyone in the room I was now bl***y starving and wanted a Burger King!!” – Helena

3. “Push her back, I’m not ready yet. I’ll come back next week!…. ” – Claire

4. “I dreamt about football and when I had a contraction I woke up and said to my husband: ‘What’s the Villa score?'” – Wendy

5. “I got really upset at the ice pack laughing at me. I’ll never live it down” – Natalie


6. “Haven’t they found a less painful way of doing this by now???!!!! Like, through your nose!!!!” – Fiona

7.  “I was convinced I was in the Big Brother house and kept asking my mum and partner why they were there too” – Amy

8. “I told my husband I felt like I was in Las Vegas!! Never been and no idea why I likened labour to Vegas!?” – Leanne

9. ‘After one push, I asked if she was out yet” – Sam

10. ‘I’ve heard of people replying “You can do it” from the midwife with “When you B and Q it” – Niamh

11. “After I pushed baby’s head out I told the midwife to just pull him out it will be ok: the look I got and the response, “No, YOU need to do this…” – Jemma

12.  “The midwife was examining me and whilst being examined she asked me what I could feel??? She went bright red when I replied ‘Er….you’…” – Chrissie

13. “Knock me out, just knock me out, don’t tell me it isn’t safe, they do it at the dentist!…” – Claire

14. “After I’d given birth I needed stitches. While the nurse was recreating my lower regions I said, “What’s taking so long? I can sew a button on a shirt quicker than that” – Lisa


15. “[I remember] being convinced that there was a pound coin stuck to the floor and telling my boyf…to pick it up” – Sierra

16. “I kept screaming “get me a full fat coke.. I need a full fat coke… And a banana.. I need the potassium” apparently I thought labour was like a hangover” – Jane

17. “I was rambling on about My Little Ponies and telling my other half he smelt just like he did when we first met!” – Natalie

18. “I thought my teeth were running away and that I’d pooped on my partner” – Tanisha

19. “Why is there a cat meowing in the cupboard? It was the epidural drip making noise” – Chlo

20. “Is it a baby?” – Alexandra

21. “I’ve changed my mind!” – Laura

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