Amanda Holden has spoken out about the trials and tribulations of the last three years, admitting, “I can only see now how terrible it all was.”
In an interview with the Mirror, the TV star talked honestly about suffering a miscarriage, giving birth to a stillborn son and enduring a complicated birth that left her in intensive care.
Mother-of-two Amanda confirmed,“It was hellish”, but is now happier than ever, saying, “Now we’re coming into this brilliant, happy phase and I feel amazing. But unless you face the darkness, you can’t see the light.”
Speaking about her losses, Amanda revealed, “I’m a real fatalist. The babies that I had to let go were the ones that just weren’t meant to be here. Hollie was kind of ready in the queue – she knew she was coming. I just had to be a bit patient.”
The Britain’s Got Talent judge also revealed that she found strength in friends who had been through similar experiences, saying, “Just talking to all my lovely mums at the school gates was a revelation.
“They were like a protective army when I was going through my awful time, but loads of them had gone through IVF and miscarriages.”
After garnering criticism for returning to her TV talent show gig just weeks after Hollie’s birth, Amanda has disclosed the real reason she went back so quickly, “When Lexi came into hospital to see her baby sister, it freaked her out seeing me so ill.
“She said ‘Momma, what’s that tube? Your hair looks horrible’. So I had to be ‘normal Mummy’ in her heels and hot pants and go back to work.
“It felt fantastic to be me again after what I’d been through. It was for my sake and Lexi’s.”